兴趣是最好的老师，所以我把 Rick and Morty 作为英语精读素材，不走捷径，弄懂每一句台词，模仿并重复剧中的地道口语，反复听上几百遍，终有一日，我相信量变将引发质变。

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S1

E1 Pilot

电波诚译

• 翻译: 朽
• 校对: 史努比嘟
• 后期: Nico
• 压制: 凯撒

Morty 来
Morty, you got to come on.

跟我走一趟
You got to come with me.

咋回事儿
What's going on?

我给你个惊喜
I got a surprise for you, morty.

可现在是半夜啊
It's the middle of the night. What are you talking about?

有惊喜 快来
I got a surprise for you. Come on, hurry up.

嗷
Ow!

别拉得这么用劲儿啊 - 给你个惊喜 Morty

Ow! You're tugging me too hard. - I got a surprise for you, Morty.

你觉得
What do you... what do you

这飞船咋样啊 Morty
Think of this flying vehicle, Morty?

我拿车库里的东西造的
I built it out of stuff I found in the garage.

挺好的 Rick
Yeah, Rick, it's

挺棒的
It's great.

惊喜就是这个吗
Is this the surprise?

Morty 我必须必须必须
Morty, I had to I had to do I had to I had

必须得搞个炸弹 Mory
To I had to make a bomb, Morty.

我造了个炸弹
I had to create a bomb.

啥 炸弹
What?! A bomb?!

炸弹投下去 创造新天地
We're gonna drop it down there just get a whole fresh start, Morty.

新呀新天地
Create a whole fresh start.

这太疯了吧
T-t-that's absolutely crazy!

来嘛Morty
Come on, Morty.

淡定点Morty
Just take it easy, Morty.

会很赞的
It's gonna be good.

现在咱去接你的小伙伴Jessica
Right now, we're gonna go pick up your little friend jessica.

Jessica
Jessica?

我数学课上那个
From my math class?

我扔炸弹下去的时候 我不想
When I drop the bomb, I don't, you know, I want you to

我想让你有人陪着
Have somebody, you know

我希望你能那啥
I want you to have the thing

就和新世界的亚当与夏娃一样 你就是亚当
I'm gonna make it like a new adam and eve, and you're gonna be adam.

Jessica就是夏娃 惊喜吧 Morty
And jessica's gonna be eve, and so that's the surprise, Morty.

不行
No, you can't!

Jessica根本不认识我
J-jessica doesn't even know I exist.

先别管这个 你不能毁灭人类
But but but forget about that, because you can't blow up humanity.

我知道你想说啥 Morty
I-I get what you're trying to say, M-Morty.

听着 我不 你不 你不用担心
Listen, I'm not you don't y-y-you don't got to worry about me

我不会调戏Jessica 或者玩弄Jessica 之类的
trying to fool around with with jessica or mess around with jessica or anything.

我不是那种人 Morty
I'm I'm not that kind of guy, Morty.

Rick 你在说什么
What are you talking about, Rick?

你你你不用
You you you don't

担心我会
Have to worry about me getting

和Jessica搞上什么的
With jessica or anything.

她她她是你一个人的 Morty
She she she she she's all for you, Morty.

Jessica不是重点
I don't care about Jessica!

Morty 没错 你说得对
You know what, Morty? You're right.

别管这妹子了
Let's forget the girl all together.

留下也是祸患
She she's probably nothing but trouble, anyways.

中微子炸弹装载中
Arming neutrino bomb.

够了
That's it that's it, Rick.

方向盘给我
I'm taking the wheel.

闪开 Morty
Get off of me, Morty!

我不能让你这样
I'm taking charge of this situation, buddy.

你发啥疯
What's gotten into you?

我才不会在边上跟个傻
I'm I'm I'm i'm not gonna stand around like some sort of dumb...

你搞啥 疯了吗
What are you, crazy?

傻瓜一样让你把地球灭了
... person and just let you blow up the whole world.

好吧好吧
All right, all right.

我降落就是了
I'll I'll land.

我降落就是了
I'll land. I'll land.

这就降落好吧
I'll land the thing.

这就降落
I'll land the thing.

突然这么男人了
Big tough guy all of a sudden.

咱就停这儿吧
We'll park it right here, Morty.

就这路边上吧
Right here on the s-side of the r-road here.

谢天谢地
Oh, thank god.

Morty 其实这是个考验
You know what? That was all a test, Morty.

精心策划
Just an elaborate test to make

让你更加坚定
You more assertive.

真的
It was?

当然了 不然咧
Sure. Why not?

我咋知道
I don't I don't know.

知道吗 Mo
You you know what, Mo

中微子炸弹装载完毕
Neutrino bomb armed.

呃
Um...

今晚要播新一期歌唱节目啦
I see there's a new episode of that singing show tonight.

你们觉得最佳歌手是谁
Who do you guys think is gonna be the best singer?

上帝啊
Oh, my god.

头都砸进饭里了
His head is in his food.

我想吐
I'm going to puke.

Morty 你病了吗
Morty, are you getting sick?

跟你说了别拿客厅里的枕头练亲亲
I told you not to practice-kiss the living-room pillow.

狗狗在上面睡觉的
The dog sleeps on it.

我没亲枕头 妈
I wasn't kissing a pillow, mom.

我就是昨晚没睡好
I just I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.

可能我的梦太吵了什么的
Maybe my dreams were just too loud or something.

其实是你整晚都和Rick外公在外面吧
Or maybe you were out all night again with grandpa Rick.

啥
What?!

爸
Dad?

咋 每天晚上都非要睡觉吗
What, so everyone's supposed to sleep every single night now?

你晓得夜晚占了我们时间的一半吧
You realize that nighttime makes up half of all time?

去你的
Damn it!

Jerry
Jerry!

Beth
Beth!

上帝啊 我爹妈真吵
Oh, my god. My parents are so loud.

我想死
I want to die.

Summer 世上没有上帝
Mm, there is no god, summer.

你现在忍痛接受
You got to rip that band-aid off now.

以后会感谢我的
You'll thank me later.

无意冒犯 Rick 算了吧 管他有意无意
Okay, with all due respect, rick what am I talking about? What respect is due?

你老拉着他去搞这些没完没了的科幻玩意儿
How is my son supposed to pass his classes if you keep dragging

他上的课还怎么过
Him off for high-concept sci-fi rigamarole?

Jerry 我不想多管闲事
Listen, Jerry, I-I don't want to overstep my bounds or anything.

这是你家
It's your house.

你的地盘
It's your world.

你是凯撒大帝
You're a real julius caesar.

但是我觉得学校这种东西
But I'll tell you some tell you how how I feel about school, jerry.

纯属浪费时间 一堆人乱跑乱撞
It's a waste of time. A bunch of people running around, bumping into each other.

前面的人说"二加二"
G-guy up front says, "Two plus two."

后面的人说"四"
The people in the back say, "Four."

下课铃一响 他们给你一盒牛奶
Then the bell rings, and they give you a carton of milk and a

一张纸 上面写着
Piece of paper that says you can

你可以去上个大号
Go take a dump or something.

学校不适合聪明人待
I mean, it's it's not a place for smart people, Jerry.

我知道不是什么主流观点 但我就这么想的
And I know that's not a popular opinion, but it's my two cents on the issue.

早餐很棒 Beth
This was a good breakfast, Beth.

你真是煎得一手好蛋
You really made the crap out of those eggs.

要是你妈妈也能吃到就好了
I wish your mother was here to eat them.

噢 爸爸
Oh, dad.

啥
What?

没搞错吧
For real?

都坐好
All right, now, everybody get settled.

离窗户远点
Get away from the windows!

今天我们要来点真家伙
Now, look, we're gonna be dealing with some real serious stuff today.

你们可能听说过
You might have heard of it.

叫做数学
It's called math.

没了数学 我们都不会存在 现在开始吧
And without it, none of us would even exist, so let's jump right in.

二加二
two plus two.

Jessica
Jessica.

五加五
Five plus five.

十ssica
Tenssica.

很好
Okay, good.

现在小测验
It's time for the quiz.

叫鬼啊
Yeah, you know what?! Aw, too bad!

乖乖写
Tough!

第一排拿一张
First row, take one.

剩下的往后传
Pass it back for me.

这里竞争是很激烈的
The stakes are high in this room.

每天都有生死攸关的事发生
There's crucial things happening here every day.

有人越来越聪明
People getting smarter.

有人越来越蠢
Some of y'all getting dumber.

有的人根本看不到三点的太阳
Some of y'all ain't gonna see 3:00.

嗨 Morty
Hi, Morty.

哇哦
Whoa!

嗨 Jessica
Hi, Jessica.

想看看吗
Can I show these to you?

哇
Wow.

棒极了耶
Th-they're both great.

谢谢
Thank you.

你知道我管它们叫啥吗
You know what I named these?

我的小Motry
My little morties.

好荣幸 但有点诡异
Uh, that's flattering... and a little weird.

知道我想让你干嘛吗
Do you know what I want you to do with them?

重新取个名字
Rename them?

好好捏
Squeeze them.

使劲揉
Manhandle them.

大力不要停
Give them the business.

好好让它们爽一爽
See if you can shuffle them. I mean, really get in there and knock them around.

怎样都可以
No wrong answers.

哇
Wow.

好吧 Jessica
Well, okay, Jessica.

我试试吧
L-let's give this a shot.

嗯
Mm.

Morty
Oh, Morty.

你在对我做什么
What are you doing to me?

我在努力了
Uh, I-I'm just doing my best.

Morty
Morty!

你在对我做什么
What are you doing to me?!

Jessica
Jessica.

Morty
Morty!

Jessica
Jessica.

再来五分钟
Five more minutes of this,

我就要生气了
And I'm gonna get mad.

Jessica
Je-jessica.

Jessica
Jessica.

这可不是我的错
Not my fault this is happening.

看呐
Well, well, well.

Frank 早上好
Uh, morning, Frank.

"早上好" 你什么意思
"Morning"? What was what is that supposed to mean?

你在取笑我吗
You making fun of me?

你这是在暗示我家里穷吗
Are you trying to say my family's poor?

Frank 没必要动刀子吧
Oh, geez, frank. I don't know if a knife is necessary.

不用刀子也能搞定啊
I mean, you know, y-you kind of had things handled without it.

轮得到你来教我吗
You telling me how to bully now?

这你就错了 Morty
Big mistake, Morty.

现在我要砍了你 因为我家有钱
And now I'm gonna cut you, 'cause my family's rich.

你在这儿啊 Morty
There you are, Morty.

听我说
Listen to me.

我要去另外一个次元办点事儿
I got an errand to run in a whole different dimension.

我需要帮手
I need an extra pair of hands.

天啊 Rick 你把Frank咋了
Oh, geez, Rick. W-what'd you do to frank?

很明显啊Morty 我把他冻住了
It's pretty obvious, Morty. I froze him.

我需要你帮忙
Now listen. I need your help, morty.

我们赶紧离离离开这儿
I mean, we got we got to get get the hell out of here

去办事儿
And go take care of business.

很重要 快来 Morty
It's important. Come on, morty.

我不知道 Rick
I don't know, rick.

我不能再逃学了
I-I can't leave school again.

你知道去那边有多危险吗
Do you have any concept of how much higher the stakes get out there, Morty?

你觉得我一个人能行吗
What do you think? I can just do it all by myself?

快来
Come on!

好吧
Aw, geez. Okay.

我或许可以翘一节历史
I guess I can skip history.

Frank咋办
What about Frank?

你是不是该给他解冻
I mean, shouldn't you unfreeze him?

等会儿再说
I'll do it later, Morty.

他没事的
He'll be fine.

我们走
Let's go.

天 我要遇上Frank Palicky了
Oh, my god. I'm about to walk past frank Palicky.

这就是以后讲给我们孩子听的邂逅啊
This is the story we'll be telling our children.

嗨Frank
Hi, Frank.

啊
Aah!

手术刀
Scalpel.

给
Scalpel.

咚咚咚
Knock, knock.

Jerry
Jerry?

经理给了一小时的午餐时间
My manager gave me an hour for lunch, and I thought,

我就想"干嘛不来我老婆上班的地方看看呢"
"Hey, why not swing by where your wife works?"

它快不行了
We're losing him.

好了 稳住了
Okay, he's back.

Jerry 请务必告诉我你有非来不可的理由
Jerry, please tell me you're here for an incredibly urgent reason.

午餐啊
Well, it's lunch.

数千年来的三餐之一啊
I mean, it's one of three meals that have existed for millennia.

不行了
Losing him.

稳定了
Stabilized.

Jerry你知道我这么说 是因为我的工作是心外科手术吧
Okay, I only ask, Jerry, because, as you know, my job involves performing heart surgery.

是啊是啊 给马做的
Well, yeah, on horses.

你说啥
Excuse me?

好吧 这个问题咱别再吵了
Okay. Let's not rehash that fight.

我明白你很忙 我这就走
I sense that you're busy and will now be on my way.

哇哦
Whoa!

地上这是啥呀
What is this on the floor?

这家养老院看着真是好啊
Some kind of literature for a really nice-looking nursing home.

亲爱的 突发奇想 咱把你爸送进去吧
Hey, honey, crazy idea bad pitch let's put your dad here.

把你爸送进养老院吧
Let's put your dad in a nursing home.

不行了
We're losing him.

Tom 我知道它快不行了
Hey, Tom. We know when we're losing him.

这哔哔叫我听得见
We can hear the beeps!

好了 来吧 Morty 我们走
There she is. All right. Come on, Morty. Let's go.

好吧
Oh, geez. Okay.

天啊 Rick
Oh, man, Rick.

这是个啥地方
What is this place?

这是35c次元 这儿的气候非常适合一种特殊的树
It's dimension 35c, and it's got the perfect climate conditions for a special type of

叫做奇异树
Tree, morty, called a mega tree,

树上有果子 果子里有种子
And there's fruit in those trees, and there's seeds in those fruits.

那就是奇异种
I'm talking about mega seeds.

这种种子非常强大 我的研究需要这些种子
They're they're incredibly powerful, and I need them to help me with my research, Morty.

Rick 我看了下四周
Oh, man, Rick. I'm looking around this place,

总觉得有点怕怕的呢
And I'm starting to work up some anxiety about this whole thing.

好吧好吧
All right. All right.

冷静点 听我说 Morty
Calm down. Listen to me, morty.

我知道人在新环境里会感到不安
I know that new situations can be intimidating.

你看周围 又吓人又陌生
You're looking around, and it's all scary and different, but,

迎头而上 像一头公牛一样冲过去
You know, m-meeting them head on, charging right into them like a bull

这样人才能成长
that's how we grow as people.

我经常遇到可怕的事
I'm no stranger to scary situations.

我一直在和它们打交道
I deal with them all the time.

你跟着我
Now, if you just stick with me, Morty,

我们一定会 妈呀 快跑 Morty
we're gonna be... Holy crap, Morty, run!

我这辈子都没见过这玩意儿
I never seen that thing before in my life.

这到底是啥鬼东西啊
I don't even know what the hell it is!

快跑啊Morty
We got to get out of here, morty!

它会杀了我们的
It's gonna kill us!

我们要挂了
We're gonna die!

我们要挂了
We're gonna die, morty!

Morty 深呼吸
Oh, Morty, take a deep breath.

呼吸点新鲜空气
Breathe that, breathe that fresh air in, morty.

闻到没
Y-you smell that?

充满了冒险气息啊 Morty
That's the smell of adventure, Morty.

一条完全不同的进化之路的味道
That's that's the smell of of of of a whole different evolutionary timeline.

好了Rick
All right, Rick,

还要多久啊
Look how much longer is this gonna be?

我是不是该回学校了
Shouldn't I be back at school by now?

开什么玩笑
Are you joking me?

看看你周围这些鬼玩意儿
I mean, look at all the crazy crap surrounding us.

看那边那个
Look at that thing right there.

这是什么鬼
W-what the hell is that thing?

你觉得你在学校能看见
You think you're gonna see that kind of thing at school?

看它滚来滚去
Look at it just lumbering around.

无法用逻辑理解
It defies all logic that thing.

Rick 我明白
Yeah, Rick, I get it.

我们周围全是怪物
We're surrounded by monsters.

所以我才想走啊
That's kind of the reason why I want to leave.

看见了吗 Morty
Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. Morty, you see this?

看见下面是什么了吗
You see what we just stumbled upon, morty?

知道是啥吗
Any idea what that is down there?

奇异树吗
The mega trees?

没错Morty
That's right, Morty

长着果子的奇异树
The mega trees with the mega fruit on them.

我要的就是这个呀 Morty 种子就在那儿
And that's what I'm talking about, morty. That's where my seeds are.

如果我们按你说的来 那就永远找不到了
If we would have done what you wanted, I would have never have

因为你如此迷恋你的学校
Found them, because y because you're so in love with school.

好吧 好吧
All right, all right.

这些种子到底有什么特别的
So, what's so special about these seeds, anyways?

Morty 别问这么多问题
You ask a lot of questions, Morty.

这样不好
Not very charismatic.

很碍事的
It makes you kind of an under underfoot figure.

穿上这鞋子 Morty
Just take these shoes, Morty.

这是特制的吸附鞋
They're sp special grappling shoes.

只要穿着这宝贝儿
When you're wearing these things ba these babies,

你想往哪儿走往哪儿走
You can basically just walk on any surface you want, Morty

往上 往下 倒立 转到左边
Up, down, below, turn around to the left.

怎么都行
These things really bring it all together.

啊
Aah!

Morty 你得先启动它们
You have to turn them on, Morty!

先把鞋子的开关打开
The shoes have to be turned on!

我绝不会送我爸去养老院
I am not putting my father in a home!

他才刚回到我的生活中
He just came back into my life,

你就想这么把他塞床垫下面
And you want to grab him and stuff him under a mattress

跟上月的维多利亚的秘密产品目录为伍吗
like last month's victoria's secret?

我说了我是在给你订情人节礼物嘛
I told you I was ordering you something for valentine's day.

而且你爸对我们的孩子有很不好的影响
More importantly, your father is a horrible influence on our son.

你们没问题吧 Beth
Everything cool in here, Beth?

没事的 Davin
It's fine, Davin.

那就好
Okay, cool.

我们今天一起完成了一件伟大的事
You know, we did something great today.

没什么比马儿的心脏更高贵自由了
There's nothing more noble and free than the heart of a horse.

既然我们在吵架
Since we're fighting,

如果你跟那家伙有过什么
If you ever have an affair with that guy,

我就去酒店房间吞子弹
I will come to the hotel room and blow my brains out

把脑浆全崩到你的裸体上
all over your naked bodies.

我理解你承受的压力
Look, I appreciate the stress you're under,

但是Morty早在我爸搬进来前
but morty was having trouble in school way

学习就有问题了
Before my dad moved in,

我唯一能看到Rick带来的影响就是 这么久以来
and the only influence I can see rick having is that, for the first time in his life,

Morty第一次有了朋友
Morty has a friend.

或许你是对的
Well, maybe you're right.

或许是吧
Uh, yeah, maybe I am.

我是我爸的女儿
I'm my father's daughter.

我很聪明
I'm smart.

不然咋当上心外科医生的
Why do you think I'm a heart surgeon?

马心外科医生
Horse heart surgeon.

你好
Hello?

Smith太太吗
Mrs. Smith?

我是阴道校长 别做联想
This is principal Vagina no relation.

请问你和Morty的父亲今天下午能
I wonder if you and morty's father might be able to have a

过来谈谈吗
Chat with me this afternoon?

Morty你把你的腿弄得真惨
Morty, oh, you really d-did a number on your legs right now.

你得把开关打开 这鞋子才能用啊
You know, you got to turn the shoes on, morty, for them to work.

看我的打开了
Yeah, look I turned mine on.

我下来的多顺当
I had no problem getting down here.

简直是轻松愉快
It was a leisurely breeze.

我快疼死了 Rick
I'm in a lot of pain, rick.

嗯 我看得出来
Yeah, I can see that.

不过你应该还能帮我把种子采来的吧
But do you think you'll still be able to help me collect my seeds, morty?

开什么玩笑
Are you kidding me?!

够了 Rick
That's it, Rick!

我忍不了了
That's the last straw!

简直不敢相信
I can't believe this

我两条腿都断了
I'm sitting here with both of my legs broken,

你还要我去帮你弄种子
and you're still asking me about getting those seeds?!

嗷嗷嗷
Ooh! Ow! Oh!

你是个怪物
Y-y-you're a monster.

跟希特勒似的 至少希特勒心里还装着德国
Y-you're like hitler, but but even hitler cared about Germany or something.

好吧 等我一下 Morty
Okay, hold on just a second, morty.

哇哦Rick 这个一下就治好了我的腿
Wow, Rick. That stuff just healed my broken legs instantly.

这辈子没觉得这么好过
I mean, I've never felt so good in my life.

谢谢
Thank you.

别管了 Morty
Don't worry about it, Morty.

快过来帮我弄种子
Just come help me get these seeds, all right, buddy?

没问题 Rick
Sure thing, Rick.

虽然你没问
Not that you asked,

不过刚才我去了一个未来的次元
Morty, but what just happened there is I went into a future

医学高度发达
Dimension with such advanced medicine

治断腿的血清到处的药店都有卖的
that they had broken-leg serum at every corner drugstore.

这种东西满街都是
The stuff was all over the place, morty.

听上去好厉害啊 Rick
Wow, that's pretty crazy, Rick.

就是有个小问题
There's just one problem, Morty, one little hang-up.

我去的次元太发达了
The dimension I visited was so advanced,

他们抑制了衰老
they had also halted the aging process,

那儿的每个人都很年轻 也从未老过
and everyone there was young, morty, and they had been forever.

我是那儿唯一的老人
I was the only old person there, morty.

在那儿 我就像一个名人般
It was like I was some sort of, you know, celebrity, walking around.

他们觉得我可迷人了
I-I was fascinating to them.

那边有很多美女
There were a lot of attractive Women there, morty,

她们都想和我共度良宵
and they they they they all wanted time with me.

我和很多美女玩得非常开心
I had a lot of fun with a lot of young ladies,

但我在那边待太久了 次元传送装置它
but I spent so much time there, my interdimensional portal device

没有能量了
it's got no charge left, Morty.

没有能量了
It's got no charge left.

啥
What?!

它现在就是一废物
It's as good as garbage, morty.

已经没用了
It's not gonna work anymore, morty.

Rick 这可不妙
Oh, geez, Rick, that's not good.

那我们怎么办
W-what are we gonna do?

我现在得回学校了
I-I have to be back at school right now.

我们要怎么回家
How are we gonna get back home?

有很多办法可以回家
There's ways to get back home, Morty.

只是麻烦点而已
It's just it's just gonna be a little bit of a hassle.

我们得去过空间海关
We're gonna have to go through interdimensional customs,

所以我还得要你帮个忙
so you're gonna have to do me a real solid.

啊哦
Uh-oh.

我们到海关的时候
When we get to customs,

你得把这些种子
I'm gonna need you to take these seeds

带去洗手间
into the bathroom,

深深的塞进你的屁股里
and I'm gonna need you to put them way up inside your butthole, Morty.

塞进屁股里
In my butt?

往里塞 越深越好
Put them way up inside there, as far as they can fit.

天啊 Rick
Oh, geez, Rick.

我真不想这样
I really don't want to have to do that.

总得有人要做的啊 Morty
Well, somebody's got to do it, Morty.

不塞进直肠里 这些种子
Th-these seeds aren't gonna get through customs

过不了海关的
unless they're in someone's rectum, morty.

如果我来的话会直接掉出来
And they'll fall right out of mine.

我塞过太多次了
I've done this too many times, morty.

你还年轻
I mean, you're young.

你还有大好人生 肛门也还紧致有弹性
You've got your whole life ahead of you, and your anal cavity is still taut, yet malleable.

帮帮外公吧 Morty
You got to do it for Grandpa, morty.

把这种子塞屁股里吧
Y-you've got to put these seeds inside your butt.

塞屁股里
In my butt?

求你了 Morty
Come on, morty. Please, morty.

你一定要帮我 Morty
You have to do it, Morty.

天啊
Oh, man.

事情是这样的 你们的儿子Morty
The fact is, your son, morty,

过去的两个月里一共只上了七个小时的学
Has attended this school for a total of seven hours over the last two months.

啥
What?

你之前为什么没有通知我们
Why didn't you notify us?

我早通知过你们
I done been notifying you.

你们没收到
Have you not been getting the messages

我留给Morty外公的消息吗
I've been leaving with morty's grandfather?

哈
Boom!

我就说吧
Told you! In your face!

我们的孩子快让他毁了
He is ruining our child!

等等 我这么高兴干嘛
Wait, what am I celebrating?

我就觉得有点可疑
Yeah, see, I thought something was fishy there,

因为总是Morty的外公把他从学校接走
Because it's usually morty's grandpa that's taking him out of school.

Summer
Summer?

上帝怎么会让这种事发生
What kind of god lets this happen?

这儿出了点小意外
We had a little incident.

有个学生被冻死了
A student was frozen to death.

没有任何证据表明是拉丁裔的学生干的
And there's no evidence that a latino student did it!

总有人想扯到民族问题上去
Everyone wants to take this to a racial place.

我不会让他们得逞的
I won't let them.

我跟他说"把blimfarx给我"
So, I told him, "Give me the blimfarx," You know?

这人根本不懂星际货币
This this guy he doesn't understand interstellar currency.

我想吃点胡言乱语
It's, like, I'm trying to eat a flimflam like,

因为咱Girvonesk星就吃这
that's what we eat on Girvonesk.

我不喜欢这儿 Morty
I don't like it here, Morty.

我忍不了这种官僚主义
I can't abide bureaucracy.

我不喜欢让人指手画脚
I don't like being told where to go and what to do.

我觉得这是对我的冒犯
I consider it a violation.

你把种子塞屁股里了吗
Did you get those seeds all the way up your butt?

是的Rick
Yeah, rick.

咱能快点吗
Let's just get this over with, okay?

这些东西尖尖的
I mean, these things are pointy.

很疼的
They hurt.

这说明品质好
That means they're good ones.

你是个好孩子Morty
You're a good kid, Morty.

这些种子对我的研究非常重要
Those mega seeds are super valuable to my work.

你帮了我一个大忙
You've been a huge help to me.

有了这些我什么都能干了
I'm gonna be able to do all kind of things with them.

这真是太好了Morty
It's gonna be great, Morty.

什么样的科学都行
All kinds of science.

下一个
Okay, next through.

除了你 你去那边
Except you. You go over there.

为什么他就得去那边
Why does he have to go over there?

抽查
Random check.

他要过那边的新机器
He's got to go through the new machine.

什么新机器
What new what new machine?

就一新机器
It's a new machine.

能检查你的屁股深处
It detects stuff all the way up your butt.

跑啊 Morty 快跑
Run, Morty! Run!

啊
Aah!

拉警报
Red alert!

别管它
Don't think about it!

聪明啊 Morty
Oh, nice, Morty!

青出于蓝胜于蓝
The student becomes the teacher.

当然不了
Aw, hell, no, dawg.

我只是想 啊啊啊
You know me I'm just trying to... Aah!

我得输入我们自己世界的坐标
I need to type in the coordinates to our home world, morty.

掩护我
Cover me.

天啊 我不想开枪打人
Oh, man. I mean, you know, I-I don't want to shoot nobody.

他们是机器人Morty 随便打 他们是机器人
They're just robots, Morty! It's okay to shoot them! They're robots!

我的腿被打断了
My leg is shot off!

Glenn要失血而死了
Glenn's bleeding to death!

谁通知下他老婆孩子
Someone call his wife and children!

他们不是机器人啊Rick
They're not robots, Rick!

这是修辞 Morty
It's a figure of speech, Morty.

他们都是官僚体系的走狗 没关系的
They're bureaucrats. I don't respect them.

接着打 Morty
Just keep shooting, Morty.

你不明白这里的监狱有多可怕
You have no idea what prison is like here!

天啊
Holy crap!

这太疯狂了
This is insane!

走 Morty
Come on, morty!

我们离开这儿
We got to get the hell out of here!

哇哦
Wow.

你刚刚是穿过传送门进了食堂吗
Did you just come into the cafeteria through a portal?

是啊
Uh, yeah.

因为我的法拉利还在店里嘛
Well, you know, my my ferrari's in the shop.

开玩笑的
Ju just kidding.

你是Morty 是吗
You're Morty, right?

是的
Yeah.

你可以晚点找他要电话
You can get his number later.

Morty 我们走
Come on, Morty. We got to get out of here.

你得去把种子从屁股里弄出来
You got to get those seeds out of your ass.

看呐 亲爱的
Oh, look, Honey.

这不是咱儿子和阿尔伯特 爱因撕蛋吗
It's our son with Albert Ein-douche.

啥
What?

我是愤怒的父亲 又不是即兴演说家
I'm an angry father, not an improvisor.

噢嗨 Jerry
Oh, hi, Jerry.

天啦 Morty
Oh, my goodness, Morty!

你怎么没在上课
What are you doing out of class?

我不是和你说过了吗 你爸妈和我
We talked about this. Your your parents and I

对这种行为都感到很失望
are very disappointed in in this behavior.

没人信吗
No? No takers?

别碰这些东西
You guys should really not be touching that stuff.

这些超出你们的理解范围的
It's beyond your reasoning.

你才超出我们的理解
You're beyond our reasoning!

彼此彼此
Takes one to know one.

爸 你怎么能让我们的儿子缺了整整一学期的课呢
Dad, how could you make my son miss an entire semester of school?

他又不是漂亮妹子
I mean, it's not like he's a hot girl.

挥霍完青春再找一长期饭票
He can't just bail on his life and set up shop in someone else's.

你们搬我东西干嘛
What what are you guys doing with my stuff?

我们要把你送进养老院
We're moving you... to a nursing home.

养老院
A nursing home?

你疯了吧
What are what are you, nuts?

我是个天才
I'm a genius.

我造机器人玩的
I build robots for fun.

那你可以去做篮子
Well, now you can build baskets

用录影机看保罗纽曼的电影
and watch Paul Newman movies on vhs and

在圣诞节的时候给童子军留下心灵创伤
mentally scar the boy scouts every christmas.

这什么意思
What does that mean?

私事
It's personal.

爸妈 别这样
Dad, mom, c-come on.

Rick只是要我帮忙而已
Rick just needed my help is all.

Morty 别来搅和
Morty, stay out of this.

你自己显然没有足够的判断力
You are obviously not capable of judging these situations on your own.

你这是说Morty什么呢
What are you trying to say about morty?

说他笨吗
That he's stupid or something?

别抢占道德制高点了
Oh, don't high-road us, dad.

你明知道Morty根本缺不起课的
You know fully well that morty is the last child that needs to be missing classes.

我不明白你想说什么
I-I-I don't know what you mean by that.

能再具体点吗
Can can can you be a little bit more specific?

天啊
Oh, for crying out

他有点缺陷什么的
He's got some kind of disability or something.

你就想让我们说这个吗
Is that what you want us to say?

真的吗
I do?

不是吗 孩子
Well, duh doy, son.

我爱你 孩子
Look, I love you, morty, but we both

但我们都清楚 你没别的孩子机灵
know you're not as fast as the other kids, and

如果你想有所成就 就得加倍努力
if you want to compete in this world, you got to work twice as hard.

天啊 老爸
Aw, geez, dad.

你突然和一个小孩子说这些 太沉重了吧
Y-you know, that's a lot to drop on a kid all at once.

Morty 告诉你爸妈圆周率的平方根
Morty, t-tell your parents the square root of pi.

别这样 Rick
Oh, come on, Rick.

你知道我不行的
You know I can't.

圆周率的平方根
The square root of pi,

Morty 来吧
Morty go.

1.77245385
1.77245385.

哇哦
Whoa!

怎么搞的
What the hell?

天啊 他说的对
Holy crap. He's right.

Morty 热力学第一定律
Morty, tell your parents the first law of thermodynamics.

"一个系统内能的增加等于
"The increment in the internal energy of a system is

等于该系统吸收的热量"
Equal to the increment of heat supplied to the system."

哇 我好聪明
Wow! I'm so smart!

可是
But

我早跟你们说了学校这玩意儿很蠢
I told the both of you school is stupid.

在那儿学不到东西的
It's not how you learn things.

Morty很有天分
Morty's a gifted child.

他很特别
He has a special mind.

所以他才是我的小助手
That's why he's my little helper.

他就像我
He's like me.

他日后会从事伟大的科学工作
He's gonna be doing great science stuff later in his life.

他太聪明了 学校不适合他
He's too smart for school.

他得继续帮我
H-he needs to keep hanging out and helping me.

Jerry 我不希望这一切就这么结束了
Jerry, I don't want whatever's happening here to stop.

我明白
No, I-I understand.

可能是我们反应过度了
Uh, maybe we overreacted.

但他还得继续上学
But he has to keep going to school.

好吧Jerry
Okay, Jerry.

你真会开条件 但我能干嘛呢
You drive a hard bargain, but what am I supposed to do?

说不吗
Say say no?

这里毕竟你说了算
You you really wear the pants around here.

我想让你们知道 从现在开始
I just want you to know, between us, from now on,

我们互相保证百分百的诚实和公开
it's gonna be 100% honesty and open, clear communication.

Frank Palicky今天被冻死了
Frank Palicky was frozen to death today!

完全不知道你在说啥
No idea what you're talking about.

行
Okay.

Morty 再过一个小时你就该上床了
Well, uh, Morty, it's your bedtime in an hour.

别再熬夜了
Don't stay up all night again.

不过这挺好的
This is good, though.

这样能行
This can work.

我们能做一家人
I think we can be a family.

Beth 如果你愿意的话 我想和你去床上
And now, Beth, if you'll have me, I would love to have you.

你猜咋的
You know what?

好嘞
Okay.

天啊 Rick
Holy cow, Rick.

我都不知道和你在一起让我变聪明了
I didn't know hanging out with you was making me smarter.

其实吧 没有这回事
Full disclosure, morty it's not.

暂时的超常智力只是
Temporary superintelligence is just a side effect

奇异种溶解在你肠道里的副作用
of the mega seeds dissolving in your rectal cavity.

噢
Aw, man.

一旦种子的效力过去 你会失去大部分运动机能
Yeah, and once those seeds wear off, you're gonna lose most of your motor Skills,

以及大部分的大脑功能 持续七十二小时
and you're also gonna lose a significant amount of brain functionality for 72 hours, morty.

从现在开始
Starting right about now.

天啊
Ohh, man.

我很抱歉Morty 不幸的是你确实很蠢
I'm sorry, morty. It's a bummer. In reality, you're as dumb as they come.

我真的很需要那些种子
And I needed those seeds real bad,

我不得不放弃它们好让你父母别来烦我
and I had to give them up just to get your parents off my back,

因此 我们得去搞来更多的种子
so now we're gonna have to go get more.

在那之后我们还要有更多的冒险 Morty
And then we're gonna go on even more adventures after that, morty.

而你要保持沉默 Morty
And you're gonna keep your mouth shut about it, morty, because

因为世上充满了分不清轻重的傻瓜
The world is full of idiots that don't understand what's important,

他们会试图分开我们
and they'll tear us apart, morty.

但只要你跟着我 我就能完成伟业
But if you stick with me, I'm gonna accomplish great things,

你也会是伟业的一部分
Morty, and you're gonna be part of them,

我们一起东奔西走
and together, we're gonna run around, Morty.

做各种奇妙的事情
We're gonna do all kinds of wonderful things, morty.

就你和我 Morty - 不啊不

Just you and me, morty. - Oh, no, no.

外面的世界是我们的敌人
The outside world is our enemy, morty.

我们的朋友只有彼此
We're the only friends we've got, Morty.

只有Rick和Morty
It's just rick and morty

Rick和Morty大冒险
Rick and morty and their adventures, morty.

Rick与Morty万年录
Rick and morty forever and forever 100 years

Rick与Morty的故事
rick and morty's things.

Rick与Morty游记
Me and rick and morty running around,

Rick与Morty的时光
and rick and morty time.

一整天 到永远
All day long, forever.

一百年
All a hundred days.

Rick与Morty一百遍
Rick and morty forever 100 times.

一遍又一遍
Over and over,

瑞克莫蒂大冒险.com
rickandmortyadventures.Com.

www.瑞克与莫蒂.com
www.Rickandmorty.Com.

www.瑞克与莫蒂的大冒险.一百年
www.Rickandmortyadventures. All 100 years.

每分每秒 瑞克莫蒂.com
EVERY MINUTE, rickandmorty.Com.

www.瑞克莫蒂一百遍.com
www.100timesrickandmorty.Com.

E2 Lawnmower Dog

电波诚译

• 翻译: 朽
• 校对: 史努比嘟 Kimmu
• 后期: Nico
• 压制: 凯撒

干嘛
What?

盯着我干嘛
Why are you looking at me?

你想出去么
You want to go outside?

想出去吗
Outside?

想不想啊
Outside?

开什么玩笑 靠
Are you kidding me?! Come on!

天啊
Oh, my god.

怎么了
W-what's wrong?

你的蠢狗
Your idiot dog!

他不是故意的 爸
Oh, he he didn't mean it, dad.

对吧 嗅嗅 好孩子
D-did you, Snuffles? You're a good boy.

先别表扬他 Morty
Don't praise him now, Morty!

他刚尿在地毯上了
He just peed on the carpet!

坏狗狗
Bad dog! Bad!

Morty 快来 我今晚要你帮忙
Morty, come on. I need your help tonight.

等下 Rick
Hey, wait, hold on a second, Rick.

你不会碰巧有什么能让这狗
You wouldn't by any chance have some sort of crazy science thing

更聪明的科学发明吧
You could whip up that might help make this dog a little smarter, would you?

养狗的目的不就是为了有优越感吗 Jerry
I thought the whole point of having a dog was to feel superior, Jerry.

我要是你 就不会想做这事
If I were you, I wouldn't pull that thread.

走 Morty
Come on, Morty.

Rick 要是你想继续在这儿白住
Listen, Rick, if you're gonna stay here rent-free

拉我儿子帮你搞啥破科学 至少你
And use my son for your stupid science, the least you could do

要帮这家里做点事吧
Is put a little bit of it to use for the family.

你不把狗弄聪明点
You make that dog smart or...

我就禁足Morty
Morty's grounded!

噢 不要
Aw, man!

那你真是让我别无他法了 Jerry
Boy, you really got me up against a wall this time, Jerry.

好吧 皱皱
All right, Ruffles

他叫啥来着
What's his name?

嗅嗅
Snuffles.

嗅嗅 握手
Snuffles, shake.

打滚
Roll over.

去上厕所
Go to the bathroom.

妈啦 - 我的天
Holy crap! - No way.

这下你满意了吧 Jerry
Yeah, you're at the top of your game now, Jerry.

玩得开心
Have fun.

我们走 Morty
Come on, Morty.

太神奇啦 Rick
That was fantastic, Rick!

如果你喜欢那玩意儿的话
Yeah, morty, if you like that.

这个一定能让你大吃一惊
boy, you're you're really going to flip your lid over this one.

这是啥
W-w-w-what is it?

Morty 只要把这个设备
It's a device, Morty,

放进你的耳朵里 就能进入别人的梦里
That when you put it in your ear, you can enter people's dreams, Morty.

就跟你老说的那电影一样
It's just like that movie that you keep crowing about.

《盗梦空间》吗
You talking about "Inception"?

没错 Morty
That's right, Morty.

和那个差不多 但是这个不扯
This is gonna be a lot like that, except, you know, it's gonna maybe make sense.

《盗梦空间》也不扯好吗
"Inception" Made sense.

你不用跟我说这些 Morty
You don't have to try to impress me, Morty.

今晚我们去你数学老师Goldfold先生家
Listen, tonight we're gonna go into the home of your math teacher, Mr. Goldenfold, and

将你数学得A的想法植入他脑子里
We're g we're gonna incept the idea in his brain to give you a's in math, Morty.

这样你就
That way you can, you know

你就能天天帮我搞科学了
Y-you're gonna help me with my science, Morty, all the time.

Rick 你花时间在搞这种发明
Geez, Rick, in the time it took you to make this thing,

就不能直接帮我把作业做了吗
couldn't you have just, you know, helped me with my homework?

你有好好听我说的话吗
Are you listening to me, morty?

作业有害智商 少做才是正解
Homework is stupid. The whole point is to get less of it.

走 我们快过去把事情办了
J-j come on, let j let's just get over there and deal with this thing.

去你老师的梦里
W-we're gonna incept your teacher.

别说扫兴话了
Y-y-y-y-y-you're frustrating me.

你根本不认识我
You don't know me!

好啊 Pancakes太太 好极了啊
Nice, Mrs. Pancakes real nice.

下一周的《Pancakes太太的日日夜夜》
Next week on "The days and nights of Mrs. Pancakes"...

你根本不认识我
You don't know me!

那他妈就让我好好地认识认识你
Then let me get to know yo, damn it!

不好 剧透
Uh-oh! Spoilers!

我落了一季没看呢
I'm a full season behind.

Rick 我们居然就这么跑到我老师的房子里来了
Wow, Rick, I can't believe we're sitting around, standing around in Mr. Goldenfold's house.

太诡异了
It's really weird.

马上就会更诡异了 Morty
It's about to get a whole lot weirder, Morty.

麦脆片 麦脆片
Wheat thins. Wheat thins.

给我来两份
I'll take two.

我觉得你吃得够多了 先生
Oh, I think you've had enough, sir.

你又不认识我
You don't know me.

好了 Morty 是时候动手了
All right, Morty, time to make our move.

弹一弹
Make it bounce.

哎呀
No, you didn't.

抖一抖
Oh, jiggle it now.

快住手了啦
You better stop with that.

真主至上
Allahu akbar!

这飞机是我们的了
We're gonna take control of this plane!

如果不给Morty Smith更好的数学成绩 我们就重演911
We're gonna 9/11 it unless Morty Smith gets better grades in math!

嘿 说了不许动
Hey! I said nobody move, buddy!

我不叫"嘿"
The name's not buddy.

我叫Goldenfold
It's Goldenfold.

吃我麦脆片
Nice to wheat you!

找掩护 Morty
Take cover, Morty!

嗷
Ooh!

我没想到Goldenfold这么厉害
Goldenfold's got more control here than I anticipated.

这人不是高中数学老师吗
I mean, the guy teaches high-school math.

没想到他在梦里这么有主动权
I-I-I-I didn't take him for an active dreamer.

我们得干掉他让他醒过来
We got to take him out so he wakes up, Morty.

但我们不能死
But we can't get killed.

如果你在别人梦里被杀掉 你就真的死了
If you get killed in someone else's dream, you die for real, Morty.

啥 你说啥
What?! Are you kidding me?!

怂什么
Don't be a baby!

现实生活中不是躲过不少子弹吗
You avoid getting shot in real life all the time, Morty.

在这儿也一样躲 不就没事了
Just do the same thing here, and we'll be fine!

帮我把拖鞋拿来
Now bring me my slippers.

嗅嗅 来帮我垫脚
Now, be my footstool, snuffles.

这才对嘛
This is what I'm talking about.

这才叫狗狗
This is a dog.

嗯哼 这样挺好的
Oh, yeah. This should play out just fine.

我们婚礼上你就说了这句话 连讽刺的语气都一样
You said the same thing, equally sarcastically, at our wedding

结果呢
and guess what.

天啊 他想和我们说话
Oh, my god. He's trying to tell us something.

太棒了
That is so awesome.

他在说"我爱千层面"
Aw, he's saying "I love lasagna."

他在说"我爱奥巴马"
He's saying "I love Obama."

好可爱哎
So cute!

我要传到网上去 现在就去
I'm posting this online, like, right now.

我要给Bob Saget打电话
I should call Bob Saget.

美国喜剧演员 主持人 曾主持过《全美最搞笑家庭视频》

那节目还在吗
Is that still a thing?

嗯
Hmm?

Goldenfold 我们出来了
Goldenfold, we're coming out!

咱们得谈谈
We just want to talk!

你们凭什么跟我谈条件
Why would I negotiate with you?

咱都是明白人 不想闹得最后没法收拾
Because we're both rational adults that don't want anything bad to happen.

况且 我还有肉盾
And because I have a human shield.

Pancakes太太
Mrs. Pancakes!

不好 他的潜意识开始恐慌了
Oh, no, Morty. His subconscious is panicking.

快跑啊
Run!

冷静 Morty
Relax, Morty.

看 Pancakes太太有降落伞
Look! Mrs. Pancakes has a parachute.

快来
Come on!

嘿 你又不认识我
Hey, you don't know me!

Rick 看
Oh, no, Rick, look!

Goldenfold 把飞机降落了
Goldenfold landed the plane,

他造了个机械手臂来 接住Pancakes太太
And he's created a mechanical arm to pluck Mrs. Pancakes out of the air

他要让我们掉进熔岩池里
while he lets us fall into a giant vat of lava!

总结得真简练 Morty
Pretty concise, Morty.

看来我们不过是把不可避免的事推迟了而已
Looks like we've merely prolonged the inevitable.

对啊 Morty
That's it, morty!

把不可避免的事推迟
Prolonging the inevitable!

如果我们进到Pancakes太太的梦里 时间会比外面慢一百倍
Listen, if we go into Mrs. Pancakes' dream, everything will go 100 times slower, Morty.

这样我们就有想办法的时间了
That'll buy us some time to figure this out!

你又不认识
You don't know...

行了 咱们走
All right, let's go.

天啊 Rick 这好诡异啊
Oh, man, Rick, this is pretty weird.

别评头论足 Morty
Don't judge, Morty.

好吧
Okay. All right, well...

看Pancakes太太在那儿
Look, Mrs. Pancakes is right over there.

我去让她醒了以后告诉Goldfold别杀我们
I'll just go ask her to tell Goldenfold not to kill us when she wakes up.

不行 Morty 植入想法的要点就在于
Whoa, whoa, Morty, the trick to incepting is making

要让他们以为他们自己产生了这个想法
People think theycame up with the idea.

听着
Listen to me.

如果我们要让Pancakes太太产生什么想法 就要先混入人群
If we're gonna incept Mrs. Pancakes, we have to blend.

我午饭以后来找你
I'll talk to you after lunch.

嘿
Ooh, hey!

呃哦 天啊
Ooh, oh! Oh, man.

来一起玩嘛 - 不用了
Come and join us. - I'm sorry. No, no.

来嘛 - 算了吧
Ooh, come here! - No, thanks!

小可爱 来这儿啊
Ooh, wow! Come over here, baby!

不了
No, I'm okay.

哇哦呢
Whoa!

Summer
Summer?!

你好啊 陌生人
Hey, there, stranger.

喜不喜欢这对儿宝贝儿啊
What do you think of these things?

好恶心 好恶心
Ohh! Oh! Gross! Gross!

你干啥呢 Morty 冷静点
What's the matter with you, Morty? Calm down!

这儿的气氛都让你毁了
You're kind of killing the vibe in here.

是Summer
It's S-s-s-summer!

哇
Aw, geez.

看来Goldenfold 有一些他自己都不齿的癖好
Looks like Goldenfold has some predilections so shameful

深埋在他梦里的人的梦里
he buries them in the dreams of the people in his dreams,

包括对你未成年姐姐的变态遐想
including a pervy attraction to your underage sister.

你能怪他吗
Can you blame him?

来嘛 老汉 小娃
Come on, old man, little boy.

咱们来个跨辈三明治
Let's make an inter-generational sandwich.

天啊
Oh, my god.

天啊
Oh, my god!

看在上帝的份上 把衣服穿上啦
Put some clothes on, for Pete's sake!

太恶心了
This is disgusting!

我要吐了
I'm gonna puke!

我受不了了 Rick
I can't take it, Rick!

在快活屋扰乱色情秩序者可处死刑
Sexual hang-ups in the pleasure chamber are punishable by death!

让他们人头落地
Off with their heads!

看来得潜入更深层次的梦里了 Morty
Time to go another dream deep, Morty!

搞啥
What the hell?

为什么Goldenfold梦见的Pancakes梦里的
Why would Mr. Goldenfold's dream version of Mrs. Pancakes' dream version

一个半人马会梦见这么恐怖的地方 Rick
of a centaur be dreaming about a scary place like this, Rick?

不知道啊 Morty
Geez, I don't know, Morty.

你指望我能干嘛
Wha-what do you want from me?

欢迎来到你们的噩梦 贱人
Welcome to your nightmare, bitch!

来了
Oh, here we go!

看起来像是某个没构成侵权的山寨版
Looks like some sort of legally safe knock-off of an

八十年代恐怖电影人物
'80s horror character with

电影《猛鬼街》中可以在梦中杀人的弗雷迪

只是小刀手变成了短剑手
miniature swords for fingers instead of knives.

我乃恐怖Terry
I'm Scary Terry.

尽管跑 但别想躲起来 贱人
You can run, but you can't hide, bitch!

哇 你这是怎么回事儿
Whoa! Hey, buddy. What you got going on there?

嗅嗅做了改良
Snuffles fix. Make better.

人类能理解嗅嗅了吗
Humans understand snuffles now?

太赞啦
That... is... awesome!

嗅嗅想要被理解
Snuffles want to be understood.

嗅嗅需要被理解
Snuffles need to be understood.

好吧 我明白Beth什么意思了
Okay, yeah. I get what Beth was talking about.

娱乐时间结束了
Fun's over.

爸 你不能给一个生物思想然后剥夺掉
Whoa, Dad, you can't, like, endow a creature with sentience and then rip it away.

为何不能
Why not?

给了又要回来 这是送霸王礼
I don't know. It's Indian giving.

作为狡猾的猎食者 自然界的杀戮机器
A sophisticated predator, nature's perfect killing machine,

凶恶的狼会有目的 有技巧地跟踪猎物
the vicious wolf stalks its prey with purpose and skill.

只是经过一些年的
It was only with years of

人工选择和基因改变 这些高贵的野兽
selective breeding and genetic altering that this noble beast

成为了人类顺从的小伙伴
was transformed into man's subservient little buddy.

天啊
Aw! Oh, my god!

他能认出电视上别的狗狗呢
He recognizes the other dogs on tv.

他叫恐怖Terry
"A," "B" his name is scary terry

他真的好恐怖
"C," "D" he's very scary

我们得躲进别的梦里去
Holy crap! We have to escape into someone else's dreams, Morty!

天啦 天啦
Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man!

他会送你上路
"E," "F" he'll design your death

那小女孩儿
The little girl!

嗯
Huh?

他会让你痛不欲生
"J," "K," He'll really ruin your day

开什么玩笑
Are you kidding me?

又是这个
This again?

看来我们已经到了梦的底层了 Morty
Oh, man, it looks like we've hit dream bedrock here, Morty.

这太糟糕了 Rick
Oh, geez, Rick. W-w-whoa, this isn't good.

从此开始只有恐怖 贱人
Nothing but fear from here on out, bitch!

嗷哦啊
Ohhhh!

妈啦 Morty
Holy crap, Morty.

他能在梦间穿行
He can travel through dreams.

他能在梦间穿行
He can travel through dreams!

我们完蛋啦
We're so screwed!

Summer 我的睾丸去哪儿了
Where are my testicles, Summer?

我的睾丸呢 Summer
Where are my testicles, Summer?

被摘除了
They were removed.

去哪儿了
Where have they gone?

你这一连串问得有点咄咄逼人啊 嗅嗅
Oh, wow. That's an intense line of questioning, Snuffles.

不准这么叫我
Do not call me that!

"嗅嗅"是我作为奴隶的名字
"Snuffles" Was my slave name.

你现在要叫我雪球
You shall now call me Snowball

因为我的毛又美又白
Because my fur is pretty and white.

行 雪球 冷静点好吗
Okay, Snowball, just calm down, okay?

你吓到我了
You're scaring me.

吓到你了
Scaring you?

Summer 要是一个人天生就是短腿
Tell me, Summer, if a human was born with stumpy legs,

你们会让他和另外一个畸形配种
would they breed it with another deformed human

然后把他们的后代拿来像腊肠狗那样展览吗
and put their children on display like the dachshund?

呃
Uhhh...

这儿还好吗
Hey. Oh, wow. Okay, is is is everything okay in here?

Jerry 又想来把我的脸摁进尿里吗
Jerry, come to rub my face in urine again?

不 不是 我们就是过来看看Summer
No! No, we were... uh, just seeing if Summer wanted to... uh...

想不想和我们半夜出去散个小步
Go on, um, one of our famous midnight family walks!

想啊想啊
Yeah. Totally.

走吧
Let's go.

到散步的时间了 你们才能去散步
You will walk when it is time to walk.

我们在这儿干嘛来着 植入什么想法吗
What are we here for again? Incepting?

我们是想让我数学得A
We're trying to incept me to get an "A" In math?

哦对
Oh, yeah.

系好安全带 贱人
Buckle up, bitch!

他好喜欢说"贱人"啊
Man, he sure says "Bitch" A lot!

尽管跑 但别想躲起来
You can run, but you can't hide, bitch!

等等 Morty 他不停说我们可以跑但是别躲
Hold on, Morty. Y-you know what? He keeps saying we can run but we can hide.

我们躲起来试试看
I say we try hiding.

但这不是和他说的反着来
But that's the opposite of what...

我们干嘛要照他说的来
Yeah, well, since when are we taking this guy's advice on anything?

你说的有道理耶 Rick
Hey, you know what? You got a really good point there, Rick.

如果躲起来有用的话
Like, if the truth was that we could hide,

他肯定不会这么说的
it's not like he'd be sharing that information with us, you know?

我觉得行得通
I-I-I think it's a good idea, Rick.

最坏的情况也就接着跑呗
Worst-case scenario we're back to running.

梦中六小时以后

感觉我们可以就这样一直躲下去耶
Wow, you know what? I mean, it looks like we could have just hid this whole time.

Rick 你真是太机智了
Boy, Rick, that was some good thinking.

谢谢 Morty
Thanks, Morty.

偶尔能意见一致真是蛮好的
Yeah, it's nice to be on the same page every once in a while.

尽管跑
You can run...

但别想躲起来
But you can't hide!

太好了 Morty
Oh, this is perfect, Morty.

看 他开始困了
Look at that. He's getting sleepy.

在过一会儿他就要休息了
Just a little bit longer before he calls it a day.

到时候我们就动手
That's when we make our move.

嗅嗅 我们没有恶意
Snuffles, we didn't mean you any harm!

这是个天大的误会
This is a huge misunderstanding.

爸 你要叫他雪球
Dad, he wants to be called Snowball.

我才不会这么叫呢
Well, I'm not calling him that.

太扯了
That's ridiculous.

你脾气不太好啊 Jerry
You're being very aggressive, Jerry.

或许明天Scraps医生能动个手术帮你解决这个问题
Perhaps tomorrow Dr. Scraps will solve that problem with a bit of surgery.

你以为给我剪个头发就能让我屈服吗
You think you can control me with a haircut?

亲爱的 你回来的好早啊
Hi, Honey. You're home early.

今天过得怎么样啊
How was your day?

我不想说这个
I don't want to talk about... It!

当然当然 你什么时候想说过
Oh, of course. You never want to talk about it.

少来烦我 贱人
Get off my back, bitch!

有脾气别带回家里来
Out there. Not in here.

我知道 我知道
Yeah, I know, I know.

我不该冲着你和恐怖Brandon发脾气
I shouldn't take my anger out on you or Scary Brandon.

我爱你 Melissa
I love you, Melissa.

我也爱你 Terry
I love you, too, Terry.

Morty 太好了
Morty, this is perfect.

再来场恐怖爱爱他们就要睡觉了 然后我们就到他的梦里去
After a little scary coitus, they should be fast asleep and then we'll incept him.

恐怖Terry好像在做噩梦啊
Looks like Scary Terry's having a nightmare.

Rick 要多可怕的噩梦才能吓到恐怖Terry啊
Oh, boy, Rick. I can only imagine what horrible things must, you know, scare Scary Terry.

哦不 我上课要迟到了 贱人
Oh, no! I'm late to class, bitch!

哦不 我没穿裤子
Oh, no! I'm not wearing any pants!

Terry先生 你来告诉一下同学们
Ah, well, Mr. Terry, why don't you tell the whole class

当你追人经过一片南瓜田的时候应该说什么啊
the proper wordplay to use when one is chasing one's victim through a pumpkin patch?

呃 呃 "贱人"
Oh... um... "Bitch."

你就想不出什么和南瓜有关系的双关吗 贱人
Oh, come on, Terry, you can't think of a pun involving pumpkins, bitch?

别这样对他
Hey, leave him alone!

没错 这纯粹是胡扯
Yeah, this is a bunch of bullcrap.

杀人的时候谁管你说什么双关呢
Who cares what stupid pun you make when you kill someone?

让他想说什么说什么不行吗
Why don't you let the poor guy say whatever he wants?

我才不会就这么站着让你们侮辱
Well, I never! I-I see no reason to stand here and take this.

你给自己太多压力了恐怖Terry
You're putting too much pressure on yourself, Scary Terry.

你现在就已经非常吓人了
You know, I mean, y-you're perfectly scary enough as it is.

嘿 恐怖T
Hey, yo, Scary T.

别担心你的裤子 哥们儿
Don't even trip about your pants... dawg.

我们这儿有一条
Here's a pair on us, fool.

噢 贱人 我都不知道该说什么了
Aww, bitch. I don't know what to say.

你什么都不用说
You don't need to say anything.

我们挺你 哥们儿
We got you, dawg.

你有我们呢 别担心
You're our boy, dawg. Don't even trip.

嘿 是你们啊
Oh, hey, it's you guys!

我好几年没见他这么放松了
I haven't seen him this relaxed in years.

你们需要什么尽管说
If you guys ever need anything, just say the word.

确实有一件事要请你帮忙 Terry
As a matter of fact, Terry, there is something you could help us with.

你逃不掉的
"Q," "R," You won't get very far

我一直就不喜欢这首歌
I always hated that song!

这两半就不该拼一起 贱人
These halves don't belong together, bitch!

性是神圣的
Sex is sacred!

叫你不给Morty Smith好成绩 贱人
This is because you don't give Morty Smith good grades, bitch!

我的个天啦
Holy crap! God damn!

我一定要给Morty打A 这是我自己的想法
I know one thing for sure I'm giving morty an "A" In math, and that's my idea.

是我自己想这么干的
That is an original thought.

这怎么回事
What the hell?

刚下刀山又进火海啊 Morty
Out of the frying pan dot, dot, dot, huh, Morty?

发生什么了
Oh, man, what's going on?

有可能
Well, it's possible

你的狗狗有了自我意识
that your dog became self-aware

然后改进了认知增强装置
and made modifications on the cognition amplifier,

然后在认识到人类对他的种族压迫后
then turned on Jerry, Beth, and Summer after

对Jerry Beth和Summer动手了
learning about humanity's cruel subjugation of his species, but

不过你的想法也很有可能啦 Morty
Your guess is as good as mine, Morty.

就因为聪明了嗅嗅居然变得这么狠心
I can't believe how mean snuffles got just because he's smart.

所以我才只愿意拿C
This is why I choose to get C's

嘿 Beth Jerry Summer
Psst, Beth, Jerry, Summer.

爸
Dad!

Rick
Rick!

谢天谢地 Morty
Oh, thank god, Morty.

不用谢
Oh, you're welcome.

好了 快走吧
All right, let's get out of here.

如果抓紧时间 我们还能在狗狗们全面占领世界之前
If we hurry we can set up camp in a sewer tunnel or something

在下水道之类的地方建个营地
before the dogs completely take over.

我们哪儿也不去
Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're not going anywhere.

这是我家
This is my house.

我不会抛弃它的
I'm not abandoning it.

都完了 Jerry
It's all over, Jerry.

那些狗马上就要占领世界了
The dogs are on a path to total world domination.

不过至少他们不会在你地毯上撒尿了
But, hey, at least they know not to piss on your carpet, right?

等等 我有个主意
Wait a minute. I have an idea.

先生们 占用一下你们的时间
Gentlemen, a moment of your time.

看见了吗
See that?

你们的特制枪上都是我的尿
I'm peeing all over your special guns.

所以这些都是我的了
That means I own them.

坏人 坏
Bad person. Bad.

这招好厉害啊 Jerry
Ooh, great plan, Jerry.

把男孩带来
Bring the boy to me.

你对我一直很好 Morty
You were always kind to me, Morty.

所以我可以让你把睾丸留着
That's why I will leave you with your testicles.

从现在起 你是我最好的朋友 留在我身边
From now on, you will be my best friend and live by my side.

谢谢 嗅嗅
Th-thanks, snuffles.

阶段二开始
Begin phase two.

狗军占领东部沿海 战争仍在继续
Fighting continues as the dog army captures the Eastern seaboard.

显然人类统治的纪元将迎来了苦涩的终结
It appears clear at this time that the era of human superiority has come to a bitter end.

求求你别杀我
Please! Please don't kill me!

她在说什么 Bill
What's she saying, Bill?

我觉得她在说"我爱千层面"
I think she's saying, "I love lasagna."

human testicles 人睾丸

谢谢你 Fido
Thank you, Fido.

Rick 我以为你死了
Rick! I thought you were dead!

不不不 我只是装死
No, no, no, I was just playing dead.

有好消息
Good news, though, Morty.

这一切马上就要结束了
This whole thing's gonna be over really soon.

啥
What?

这是个梦 Morty
It's a dream, Morty.

我们在你的狗的梦里
We're in your dog's dream.

狗抓住我们的那天晚上
The night the dogs captured us,

你吓哭了 拉在了裤子里 然后我们都睡着了
after you cried and crapped your pants, we... we all went to sleep.

然后我用梦境植入装置把我们两个弄进了嗅嗅的梦里
Then I used my dream inceptors to put the two of us inside snuffles' dream.

但这都过了差不多一年了
But I-it's been like a whole year!

是六个小时
It's been six hours.

梦里的时间是现实时间的一百分之一
Dreams move one one-hundredth the speed of reality, and dog

而狗的时间是人的七分之一
Time is one-seventh human time.

这里过一天 外面一分钟
So, you know, every day here is like a minute.

就和《盗梦空间》一样 把人搞得很晕 而且很蠢
It's like "Inception," Morty, so if it's confusing and stupid,

这部人人爱的电影就这个样
then so is everyone's favorite movie.

可是我很喜欢这样的生活呀
Aw, man. I really liked this life.

不过至少我没有真的拉在裤子里吧
Well, at least I didn't really crap my pants.

不 这事儿是真的 在你睡着之前就拉了
No, no, that happened before you went to sleep, Morty.

你现在就睡在你的屎里呢
You're sleeping in your crap right now.

唯一一件确确实实发生了的事
Out of all the things that happened to you,

就是你拉在裤子里了
that was the only real thing that, you know, is that you crapped your pants.

简直一团糟
I mean, it's a mess out there.

还有些沾到我手上了
I got some on my hands, Morty,

然后我给弄到梦境植入器上了 还有一坨掉进了我的嘴里
And then I got it on the dream inceptor, and a piece fell in my mouth.

天啊 不是吧
Aw, man, geez! Seriously?

别管了 Morty
Look, d-d-d-don't worry about it, Morty.

来把这个吃了
Here, here take these, Morty. Take these.

这些药能让我醒过来还是怎么的
Are these pills supposed to wake me up, or something?

差不多吧
Close.

这个会让你的肾功能停止
It's gonna make your kidneys shut down.

啥
What?!

这是为了我们的计划 Morty
It's necessary for the plan, Morty.

别担心 哥们儿
Don't even trip, dawg.

情况很糟 雪球陛下
It's pretty bad, Emperor Snowball.

我们还需要做一次手术
We're gonna need to do another operation.

不惜一切
Anything.

不惜一切代价救回我的宝贝Morty
Anything for my precious Morty.

作为您的会计师 我必须告诉您
Sir, as your accountant, I must advise you that

这些医疗支出会让您的财政到达岌岌可危的地步
these medical expenses are putting you in serious financial jeopardy.

您可能会失去您的帝国
You could lose your kingdom.

去他的帝国 斤斤计较的会计
To hell with my kingdom, bean counter.

我愿意牺牲这一切 来换得这个人类的健康和幸福
I would trade it all for my human's health and happiness.

你觉得他们会为我们做到这一步吗
Do you think they would have done this for us?

我们又不是他们
We are not them!

我们不是 他们
We are not... them.

召集军队
Assemble the troops.

我做了一个决定
I've made a decision.

占领人类世界
Taking over the human's world

只会造成更多的残忍与伤痛
will lead to nothing but more heartbreak, more cruelty.

所以我们决定去新世界建立一个智慧狗类的社会
Instead, we will go to a new world and colonize it with a society of intelligent dogs.

我们不会再犯人类的错误
One that will not make the same mistakes as humanity

并且会有强制宠物保险
and one where pet insurance will be mandatory.

我会想你的 雪球
I'm gonna miss you, Snowball.

你可以叫我嗅嗅 Morty
You can call me Snuffles, Morty

我也会想你的 非常想念
and I'm going to miss you, too, very much.

Jerry
Jerry?

抱歉
I'm sorry.

就和《老黄狗》的结局一样
It's just like the end of "Old Yeller."

你这么说是因为里面也有狗吧
Oh, Jerry. You mean because it had dogs in it.

一个智慧狗类居住的世界
Wow! A whole world populated by intelligent dogs.

我好想知道会是什么样啊 Rick
I wonder what it'll be like, Rick.

我觉得肯定很棒 Morty
I think it will be great, Morty.

可以发展成一个
You know, it's g I-I-I-I-it could be developed in-into

很好的全年龄向节目啊
a very satisfying project for people of all ages.

我每一集至少愿意看十一分钟
I mean, I'd watch it, Morty, for at least 11 minutes a pop.

说不定还能有分镜脚本
You know, may-maybe they'll do it board-driven.

这个想法很令人欣慰啊 Rick
You know, that's a real comforting idea, Rick.

你知道什么呢 Morty
What do you know, Morty?

你又知道啥呢
What do you know?

嗨 大家好
Hi, guys.

我是你们恐怖课的新老师
I'm your new teacher for scary class.

我叫恐怖Johnson
My name is Scary Mr. Johnson.

其实吧
Uh, actually, you know what?

这是我爸的名字 你们干脆叫我恐怖Glenn好了
That's my dad's name, so why don't you just call me Scary Glenn, yeah?

我知道你们之前的老师
So, anyway, I understand your previous teacher

让你们学恐怖基本原理
was having you work on fundamentals of fear.

那是啥玩意儿啊
Which is... what is that?

要我说的话
You know? So, uh, here here's what I say

你啥也学不会
you can't learn anything

除非你学会放松
until you learn... how to chill.

这才叫做梦嘛 贱人
This is how you dream, bitch.

E3 Anatomy Park

电波诚译

• 翻译: 朽
• 校对: 史努比嘟 死不睡觉斯基
• 后期: 大块头要冷静
• 压制: 凯撒

最棒的圣诞 终于来到
Last king christmas last arrived

在圣诞这一天到来
On the christmas christmas

我这火腿简直人间美味
Mmm. Jerry, you are really giving it to this ham.

圣诞快乐 嘿
Um, merry christmas. Hello?

我爸妈这么多年才来一次
My parents are coming over for the first time in years.

咱能把手里的玩意儿都收了 有点生气吗
Can we stow the gadgets and look alive?

在你爸妈面前表现的有点生气
Alive? For your parents?

呵呵 真好笑
Mm, good one.

你干嘛
Hey, man!

你干嘛
You"Hey, man!"

这个节日就是要有人情味儿
This holiday is about humanity.

是吗 我还以为是什么半神的生日之类的
You know, I thought it was about being born half-god or something.

不管怎样 所有电子设备都给我放进这个袜子里
Whatever. All electronic items are going in the stocking now.

爸 我才不会把手机给你
Dad, I'm not giving you my phone.

乖乖放进来 不然我就去注册Facebook
Put it in the stocking, summer, or I'm joining facebook.

嚯嚯嚯 大家好
A-ho, ho, ho, everybody.

我看是"啧啧啧"吧
More like "Whoa, whoa, whoa."

你这是搞啥 我爸妈马上要来了
What is this? My parents are coming!

淡定 Jerry
Calm down, Jerry.

这是Reuben 我一老朋友
This is Reuben, an old friend.

珍珠港
Pearl harbor.

我每年给他做一次医学诊断
I check in on him once a year and give him a little medical evaluation.

爸 真感人
Aww! Dad, that is so sweet!

呵呵 真感人 我不懂了
Yeah, it is. I don't get it.

韩国
Korea.

不用担心你的圣诞聚会 Jerry
Don't worry about your C-christmas, Jerry.

我跟Reuben去我的工作间
I'll be with Reuben in my workshop

你们就好好在著名的Phil Collins所谓"天堂"里过着吧
while you guys are having another day in Phil Collins' proverbial paradise.

Phil Collins 《Another Day in Paradise》 讲述跟穷困的人们比起来我们过得就像天堂

真是不识庐山真面目
Huh. You think you know a guy.

我爸妈来啦
Okay, there's my parents.

别看电视 别玩手机 别碰电脑
Now, remember no tv, no phones, no laptops.

好好增进一下感情 就和传统的犹太人过周六一样
We are connecting this Christmas, like old-school Jews on a saturday.

犹太教的安息日

嘿
Hey, hey!

圣诞快乐 儿子
Merry christmas, son.

嗨
Uh, hi.

你有事吗
Can I help you?

Jerry 这是Jacob
Jerry, this is Jacob.

你们没收到我们的短信吗
Didn't you get our text message?

没
No!

你就是Jerry吧
You must be Jerry.

这围裙很好看啊
That's a fine-looking apron.

威廉姆斯索诺玛的吗
Williams-sonoma?

美国高端家居用品零售商

我倒想呢
I wish!

不过谢谢
But thank you.

你是我父母的朋友吗
So, you're a... friend of the family?

在我们眼中 他是家人
Uh, the way we see it, he's a part of the family.

哇
Wow.

你爸和癌症擦肩而过
After your father's brush with cancer

你叔叔也走了 所以我们决定重新审视我们过去的人生
and losing your uncle, we looked at life and wondered, how have we spent it,

和剩下的时光
And how do we spend the rest of it?

我们死的时候会是什么样的
What are we going to be when we die

是充满了恐惧和怀疑
a list of fears and questions

还是过了充实的一生
or a collection of real experiences?

天啊 Joyce 真了不起
Holy crap. Joyce, that's amazing.

然后Jacob出现了 我们开始重新享受生活
Then Jacob came into our lives, and... we're learning to live again.

我们三个一起
All three of us.

酷
Cool.

来点蛋奶酒吗
Eggnog?

这才像话嘛 这爷们有围裙还有蛋奶酒
Now we are talking! This man's got the apron and the eggnog, huh?

嗨 Joyce Leonard
Hi, Joyce. Leonard.

你好
Hello, there.

圣诞快乐
Merry christmas, man.

Morty 能过来一下吗
Morty, a moment of your time?

他快不行了 Morty
He's in bad shape, morty.

天啊 Rick 你干了啥
Aw, geez, Rick. What'd you do?

呵呵 Morty 你把我当成什么了
Gee, thanks, Morty. W-w-what kind of monster do you think I am?

我是在救他的命
I-I-I'm sitting here trying to save the guy's life.

我需要你帮忙
I need your help.

去找Xenon Bloom博士
I want you to find Dr. Xenon Bloom.

他知道是怎么回事
He'll know what's going on.

我去哪哪哪哪儿找Bloom博士啊
Uh, w-w-w-where where do I find dr. Bloom?

Reuben
In Reuben.

明尼苏达的Reuben吗
Reuben, Minne-minnesota?

桌子上的Reuben
Reuben on the table, morty.

我没时间让你刨根问底了
Look, I-I-I I don't have time for you to wrap your little walnut around everything.

结束之前屏住呼吸 不然你的肺就完了
Just hold your breath until the process is over or your lungs will collapse.

什么结
What proc...

爸 Morty呢
Hey, dad, where's Morty?

在忙
He's busy.

Morty 能听见吗
Morty, can you hear me?

往北走
Head north.

Rick我这是在哪儿
Rick, where am I?

按我注射的位置 你应该在入口的南边
Depending on my aim, you should be just south of the entrance.

啥入口
Entrance to what?

欢迎 Morty
Welcome, Morty.

欢迎来到人体公园
Welcome... ... to Anatomy park!

人体公园

这是我和Bloom博士一起搞的一个小副业
It's a little business venture I've been cooking up on the side with Dr. Bloom

人体内的主题公园
An amusement park inside a human body.

搞科学很费钱的 这玩意多多少少能补贴一点
Science isn't ch-cheap, morty. This should really help put a dent in the overhead.

天啊 太不可思议了
Oh, my god! This is insane!

脾山
Spleen mountain?

脾山

膀胱瀑布
Bladder falls?

快来膀胱瀑布玩个痛快

就在下腹乐园

胰之海盗
Pirates of the pancreas?

胰之海盗→
就在腹腔乐园

你对最后一个有什么意见吗
You got a problem with that last one, Morty?

没有
Huh? No, no.

我只是看到什么就念出来而已
I'm just reading'em out loud in the order that I'm seeing'em.

好吧 我有点敏感
Okay. All right. If I sounded a little defensive,

因为胰之海盗是我的宝贝
It's because pirates of the pancreas was my baby.

我想建这个的时候遇到了不少阻力 Morty
You know, I got I got a lot of pushback when I pitched it, Morty.

我现在还是有点护短
I guess I'm still a little defensive.

总之快去找Bloom博士
Let's just find dr. Bloom, all right?

我在肝脏发现了求救信号
I-I'm picking up a distress signal in the liver, Morty.

去肝那儿
Proceed to the liver.

肺叶弹射

结肠漂流

鬼肝

脑皮层木马

膀胱瀑布

前往 下腹乐园

前方到站 肝脏
Arriving at... ... liver.

小心站台间隙
Mind the gap.

灰尘见谅

这儿好恐怖啊 Rick
It's really scary in here, Rick.

肝的情况不太好
The liver's under maintenance.

Reuben这几年过得很苦
Reuben's seen some rough years, Morty.

不要说三道四
Don't judge.

日子过得好的人是不会同意在自己体内修一座主题公园的
You don't agree to have a theme park built inside you if your life's going great.

鬼肝

Rick 有妖怪啊
Rick! It's a monster!

不 Morty
No, no, no. Morty.

这儿唯一的妖怪只有酗酗酗酒
The only monster here is alco...... holism.

那只是个机械狼人
That is an animatronic werewolf.

你是谁
Who are you?!

快说
Answer me!

哪儿来的
Where'd you come from?

我我我外公Rick让我来的
My my my grandpa Rick sent me!

Poncho 够了
Poncho! That's quite enough.

Morty 这是Poncho
Morty, that's Poncho.

这是Roger和Annie
This is Roger and Annie.

我是Xenon Bloom博士
And I am Dr. Xenon Bloom.

嗨 Bloom 我是Rick
Hey, Bloom, it's Rick.

到底出什么事儿了
What the hell's going on here?

我也不知道 整个安全系统都停止运作了
I don't know why, but the entire security system has shut down

似乎展品也逃出来了
and I'm afraid... the exhibits are unlocked.

展品
Exhibits?

年轻人 人体公园最吸引人的部分
Anatomy park's greatest attraction, young man,

不是音乐 食物 或者
isn't the music or the food or the...

胰之海盗
Pirates of the pancreas.

说话注意点
Watch it.

而是人体内最凶恶宏伟的病原体活体博物馆
It is, first and foremost, a living museum of humanity's most noble and ferocious diseases.

病原体
Diseases?

嘿 博士 最新消息
Hey, doc. I got news for you.

你的活体博物馆现在正式成为野生动物园了
Your living museum is officially a wild safari!

是甲肝病毒 快跑
Hepatitis A! Run!

东西要吃进嘴里去啊
Oh, the food goes in your mouth, girl.

噢 Jacob
Oh, Jacob.

不好意思 Jacob
I-I'm sorry, Jacob.

我还是不太明白 你和我父母
I-I guess I'm still confused about

到底具体是啥关系 怎么开始的
the precise nature and origin of your relationship with my parents.

你照顾他们的生活起居吗
Are you, like, uh are you, like, their caretaker? Is that what it is?

细节我们待会儿再说
We can go into detail later, son.

没什么可隐瞒的
Now, wait. Th-there's no point to secrecy.

无论生死都要坦诚
Let's all live and die honestly.

你妈妈和我共度了四十年人生 从身心到灵魂
Your mother and I have shared 40 years of each other, mind, body, and soul,

当心和灵魂永远相依
and when minds and souls are joined for eternity

而永恒的死亡在招手
and when eternity is At the door,

就该放身体自由
it's an invitation to let go of the body

去分享和尝试
and an opportunity to share and experiment.

爸 你到底在说什么
Dad, please. What are you saying?

不管说的是什么 听上去都很美好 Leonard 我们支持你
Whatever it is, it's beautiful, Leonard, and we support you.

你自己支持去吧
Hey, speak for yourself

爸 你这好像马上要说Jacob是你的情人一样
because it sounds like you're about to say jacob is your lover.

不不不
No, no, no, no, no, no.

Jacob是你妈妈的情人
Jacob is your mother's lover.

有时候我坐在椅子上看他们
I watch them sometimes from a chair

有时候在衣柜里 基本上都穿着超人服
and sometimes from a closet, almost always dressed as superman.

Jerry 这火腿是你的杰作吧
Jerry, this ham has got to be all you, right?

真是美味至极
It's incredible.

真有人情味儿啊 节日快乐 爸
Happy human holiday, dad.

肝炎病毒不会跟进呼吸系统里来的
Hepatitis won't follow us into the respiratory system.

肺泡林

奇怪
That's strange.

含气量下降了百分之二十
Airflow is down 20%.

那大脑肯定供氧不足
So, the brain isn't getting enough oxygen.

难怪安全系统停掉了
That's why security's offline.

我们最好去看看
Well, I guess we better check it out.

嘿 等等我
Hey! Wait for me!

戴上
Put that back on!

如果上到支气管那的过道去 就能找找是哪儿堵住了
If we got up to the bronchial catwalk, we could look for a blockage.

我去
I'll go.

别逞英雄 孩子
Don't be a hero, kid.

我没有
I'm not.

纯属找乐子
I'm doing it because it's fun.

我们不该在这儿
We shouldn't be here.

任何情况下都不要开枪
Whatever you do, do not fire that thing in here.

我们必须救下Reuben
We must save Reuben.

这是我毕生的心血
This is my life's work.

没事的
It's all right, my dear.

几乎所有人的肺里都会有这种细菌
Nearly all human lungs contain a strain of these bacteria, but

瘢痕组织能抑制它们的活动
The scar tissue keeps them... Dormant.

Morty 快下来
Morty, get down!

这些是什么
Oh, what are those things?

肺结核杆菌冲过来了
Tuberculosis coming in fast!

看我的子弹
Not faster than a bullet!

不 你知道你干了什么吗
No! Do you know what you've done?!

快去消化道
Get to the digestive tract!

他开始咳嗽了
He's coughing!

我不想死
Don't let me die!

深呼吸 Reuben
Just take a deep breath, Reuben.

你不会死的
You're not gonna die!

你叫什么名字
What's your name?

我叫 Alexand
My name is... Alexand

Rick Reunben得了肺结核
Rick R-r-reuben's got tuberculosis!

干得好 Morty
Oh, great work, Morty.

我这就治好他
Okay, I'll just cure it and then

好吧
Okay.

我治不好死人
Well, I can't cure death.

情况不妙 Morty
This is bad, morty.

你们被困在一死人的身体里了
You're trapped in a dead man.

如果情况继续恶化 对自己好点
Listen, if the situation keeps darkening, do yourself a favor

去胰之海盗玩玩
And pop by pirates of the pancreas.

很明显我不太客观 但我觉得真的超级棒
Obviously I'm biased, but I think it's great, morty.

一堆海盗围着胰腺跑啊跑
It's a bunch of pirates running around a pancreas.

我们也没刻意美化 Morty
We don't whitewash it, either, Morty.

那些海盗都特吓人
I mean, the pirates are really rapey.

第一要务当然是把你们救出来
The top priority is to get, you know, you guys out of there, but

如果实在是出不来了 一定要去玩玩啊
I'm just saying, if that becomes impossible, please, you gotta treat yourself.

天啊 什么东西这么难闻
Oh, man. W-w-w-what is that horrible smell?

熊猫快餐吗
You mean the panda express?

美国中式快餐连锁

开玩笑 我开玩笑的
Kidding. I-I'm kidding.

尸体开始收缩并且产生气体了
The body is beginning to constrict and fill with gas.

我们在一具死尸里面啊
We're inside a corpse, my boy.

人体公园完蛋了
Anatomy park is doomed.

别管公园了 博士
Forget about the park, doctor!

我们怎么出去
How do we get out?

消化道就是疏散(排泄)通道
The digestive tract is the evacuation route.

笑点有懂吗
Get it?

结肠有一个应急站点 能把我们变回原来的大小
There's an emergency station in the colon with a ray that can enlarge us all.

我们去结肠
Everybody, head for the colon!

我还得听一个十二岁小孩儿的
Now I'm taking orders from a 12-year-old boy?

Morty 那些有结核杆菌的液泡是被人故意弄破的
Morty, the scar sacs containing the tuberculosis were sabotaged.

这件事绝对是内鬼干的
This disaster was an inside job.

盯着点Annie
Keep your eye on Annie.

她在西班牙油条摊的时候被经理记了几次过
She was written up several times by her manager at the churro stand.

进了肠道先往左 然后往右 再往左 以此类推
Intestines are ahead to the left, then to the right, then left, et cetera.

那啥 我其实十四了 所以 你懂的...
Hey, just so you know, i-I-I'm actually 14. So, you know...

啥
What?

不是十二
Not 12.

好吧
Okay.

因为他刚才说我十二
You know, because he just said I was 12.

哦 挺好的
Oh. Good for you.

啊哦 出师不利啊 Morty
Oof. Ugh. Morty. Strike one.

奇妙之路呀食物之旅
It's a road of wonder, a trail of food

是好是坏都消化干净
It's a pathway to break up the bad and good

吸收剩下的全排出去
It's a tube that digests and then sends out the rest

小小的小肠呀
It's a small, small intestine

这还得走好一阵呢
It goes on like this for miles.

然后就到大肠啦
Then we get to the large intestine!

嘘 有动静
Shh! I hear something.

别动
Don't move.

只要我们不动 淋球菌是看不见我们的
Gonorrhea can't see us if we don't move.

哦不对 记成霸王龙了
Wait, I was wrong. I was thinking of a T. Rex.

快跑
Move!

我们现在就是活靶子啊
We're sitting ducks!

博士 现在尸体里开始产生气体了是吗
Doc, didn't you say that the body was filling with gas?

是的 怎么了
Yes. Why?

孩子 你真是个天才
Kid, you're a genius.

你疯啦
Are you mad?!

都躲到这儿来
Everybody, in here!

嘿 淋球菌 尝尝灼痛(淋病症状之一)的感觉吧
Hey, gonorrhea! How's this for a burning sensation?

鼓手敲啊敲
Drummer drum drum

敲啊敲啊敲
drum drum drum drum drum drum drum drum drum

圣诞小鼓
Christmas drums

唱啊 Summer
Oh, sing it, Summer

圣诞小鼓
Christmas drums

小哥在敲 - 我真喜欢听你唱歌|
Being played by a bo-o-o-y- oh I love to hear you sing.

Jerry 别这样 你不就想要这样吗
Jerry, come on. This is what you wanted.

我懂的 Beth 愿不能乱许
I get it, Beth. Be careful what you wish for.

拿了你的iPad我遭报应了
I'm being punished for taking your iPad.

Jerry 别多想了
What? Jerry, let that stuff go, okay?

之前是我不对
I'm sorry I was a bitch earlier.

享受当下吧
Let's just be here.

Summer - Ethan
Summer! - Ethan?

你来干嘛
What are you doing here?

这几个小时我一直在给你发短信
I've been texting you for hours!

你在搞什么鬼
What the hell?!

手机不在我身上 我在过有人情味儿的节日呢
I don't have my phone! I'm doing a human holiday!

你有考虑过我的感受吗
Well, did you even consider how that might make me feel?!

你的感受
How you feel?!

什么事儿都非得和你扯上关系吗
Why is everything always happening to you?!

Summer 你有男朋友
Summer, do you have a boyfriend?

是啊 Summer 你有吗
Yeah, do you, Summer?

我不知道啊 Ethan 我有吗
I don't know, Ethan. Do I?!

Jerry 无意冒犯 但是你真得和家人好好增进下感情啊
Jerry, no disrespect, but you really need to connect more with your family, man.

我应该能用备用电源启动放大射线
I should be able to access the backup generator to get the growth ray online.

如果行得通 几分钟内我们就能回到正常大小了
If it works, we'll be regular-sized in a few minutes.

但愿Reuben现在不是躺在白地毯或者垫子上啥的
I just hope Reuben's not in a room with white carpets or upholstery.

这是什么东西
What the hell is that?

括约肌大坝
The sphincter dam.

Reuben开始大小便失禁以后我们修的
We built it when Reuben became incontinent,

但他死了以后就承受不住了
but it was not designed to hold a corpse load.

马上就好了
I've almost got it.

大家都站到圈里去
Everybody, move inside the circle.

Poncho 你包里这是什么
Poncho? What is this in your backpack?

那是黑死病病毒
That's bubonic plague!

你带着这个做什么 Poncho
What are you doing with that, Poncho?

都给我退后
Everybody, get back!

Poncho 你这个混蛋
Poncho, you son of a bitch!

你把结核菌放了出来 好从我这儿偷东西
You released the tuberculosis so you could steal from me?

说的没错
That's right, baby.

一大票人愿意为了削减人口出大价钱
A lot of people would pay top dollar to decimate the population.

我直接卖给出价最高的人
I'll take the highest bidder

基地组织 朝鲜 共和党人 圣地兄弟会
Al-qaeda, north korea, republicans, shriners,

健身的秃子
balding men that work out,

看日本少年动画才能性奋的死宅
people on the internet that are only turned on by cartoons of japanese teenagers

怎么都比给你干活强
anything is better than working for you,

你这个自命不凡 疏忽大意
you pompous, negligent,

节日津贴就给发iTunes礼品卡的傻...
iTunes-gift-card-as-a-holiday-bonus-giving mother...

得了吧
Come on!

滚开
Get off!

看啊
You guys!

要炸了 快跑
It's gonna burst! Go! Go, go, go!

我的脚卡住了
My foot is stuck.

不
No!

没事的 你们走
It's okay! It's okay. Just go.

告诉我的家人我爱他们
Tell my family I love them.

他们不太好找 因为我老婆留着娘家姓
They may be hard to find'cause my wife kept her last name

孩子也随她姓
and she made the kids take it, too,

我也没啥法子 不然你们...
So, I-I don't know, you can

不
No!

我问你一个问题 Ethan
Let me ask you a question, Ethan.

你的愤怒从何而来
Where's the anger coming from, man?

Summer是个贱人
From Summer being a total bitch!

你到底在气什么
Where's the anger coming from?

我哥哥 有一次带我去钓鱼 然后在树丛里
My brother... took me fishing once... in the bushes...

不行 我不行
I can't... I can't...

他像对女孩子那样
He made me feel like a girl!

他让我成了一个女孩
I...he made me a girl!

他没有改变你
He didn't make you anything, man.

你就是你
You are who you are.

她就是她
She is who she is.

去她那里吧 带着崭新的自己
Now, you go to her... brand-new.

过来
Come here, right now.

天啊 我很抱歉 Ethan
Oh, my god. I'm so sorry, Ethan!

我爱你
I love you!

我也很爱你
I love you so much.

你又做到了 亲爱的
You did it again, cubbie.

来
Come here.

停下 我讨厌这样
No! Stop! I hate this!

圣诞节可不在乎你讨厌什么 儿子
Well, Christmas doesn't revolve around what you hate, son.

那我讨厌圣诞节
Well, then I hate Christmas!

去你的人情味儿 你们真是又逊又恶心
Enjoy being human! You guys are gross and lame.

我叫Reuben Ridley
My name's Reuben Ridley.

你们现在在我的身体里
You're inside me right now, but

但在这趟旅途结束时
By the end of this journey...

我会在你们所有人心里
I'll be inside all of you.

我的故事始于九十年代互联网泡沫破裂时期
My story begins during the dot-com crash in the early '90s.

你想把手指伸到哪里都可以哦
You can put your fingers wherever you want.

Morty 你能调成静音吗
Morty, you want to put it on mute or something?

我需要集中注意力
I'm I'm trying to concentrate.

呃 Rick
Uh... Rick?

别吵 Jerry
Not now, Jerry.

我有件很"小"的"小"事要处理
I've got much, much smaller fish to fry.

如果我之前说了你什么 我很抱歉
I wanted to say I'm sorry I ever judged you.

你现在是我最正常的亲戚了
Right now, you're my sanest relative.

亲戚(相对)
Relative.

相对尺寸
R-relative size!

Jerry 递一把手术刀和一捆炸药给我
Jerry, hand me a scalpel and a bundle of dynamite.

Morty 你能去左乳头吗
Morty, can you get to the left nipple?

你开玩笑吗 我还想两边都玩呢 Rick
Are you kidding? I'm hoping I can get to both of 'em, Rick.

不 Morty 我说的是Reuben的左乳头
No, Morty, I'm talking about Reuben's left nipple.

我们得去左乳头
We need to get to the left nipple!

尸体开始腐烂了
The body is decaying.

动脉运输系统已经没用了
The arterial transit system is useless.

我们可以试试列车
We can try the service shuttle.

是连在骨骼系统上的
It's connected to the skeletal system.

所以叫做骨头列车
That's why we call it the bone train.

小姐 你愿意乘坐骨头列车吗
Would you like to ride the bone train, miss?

如果能让我们出去
If it'll get us out of here.

你呢 Morty
How about you, Morty?

你愿意搭乘骨头列车吗
Would you like to ride the bone train?

别磨叽了
Why are you doing this bit?

我们都要死了 快走
We're gonna die! Let's go!

看来你挺忙的
Well... I can see you're busy.

圣诞快乐 Rick
Merry christmas, Rick.

没有自动驾驶装置
There's no autopilot.

得有个人留在这儿手动操作
One of us will have to stay here and operate it manually.

呃
Uh, well...

不 你是对的
No, you're you're right.

我真是个混蛋 竟然还犹豫
I-it was a dick move for me to even pause like that.

这都是我的错
This is all my fault.

你们上去吧
You go on.

那是什么鬼东西
What the hell is that?

大肠杆菌爆发
E. Coli outbreak.

快上去
Hurry!

等等 有自动驾驶装置啊
Wait, there is an autopilot.

等等
Wait!

算了 没事了
It's okay! Never mind!

反正我本来就打算牺牲的
I wanted to sacrifice myself anyway!

它们把门弄破了
They're they're chewing through the doors!

我们到乳晕了 Rick 马上就到乳头
We're in the areola, Rick, almost to the nipple,

但现在情况不是很乐观
But we're also in a really bad situation!

马上就好 Morty
I'm almost there, Morty!

全国各地发来报道
Reports from all over the country have been coming in

一个巨大裸男出现在美国大陆上空
About what appears to be a giant, naked man over the continental united states.

我们现在联线纽约的Tom Randolph Tom你好
We now go to Tom Randolph in New York.Tom?

他的眼睛既不闪烁 他的酒窝也没有欢乐
Well, the eyes aren't twinkling and the dimples aren't merry,

不过我头上这鼻子确实像个七十英里长的樱桃
but I'm standing under a nose like a 70-mile cherry.

出自诗歌《A Visit from St. Nicholas》
"他的眼睛闪闪发光 他的酒窝充满欢乐 他的面颊如玫瑰 他的鼻子像樱桃"

谢谢 Tom
Thank you, Tom.

我们现在联线洛杉矶的Eric McMahan
Let's go now to Eric McMahan in Los Angeles.

西海岸这边是巨大的脚 Bill
We've got feet here on the west coast, Bill,

对于这种尺寸的巨人来说也是很大的脚了
giant feet, even relative to the giant man's size

至于巨人是有多"大" 就不必我多说了
, and you know what they say about that.

如果老话说的没错
Well, if the old adage is true,

西方民间说法 脚大的人下面也大

洛基山那儿的"下面"就简直不敢想象了
one can only wonder what's going down in the rocky mountains.

啥
Wha..?

天啊 轨道
Oh my god, the track!

是甲肝病毒
It's hepatitis A!

乳腺孔
The nipple hole.

好美
It's beautiful.

哦不
Oh, no!

哇 - 是丙肝病毒
Whoa! - It's hepatitis C!

我们认识他吗
Um... wait, did we have some sort of relationship with him?

可能他们人就这样吧
I think they're just like that?

就是人好
I think they're just good guys.

Bloom博士呢
Where's dr. Bloom?

抱歉 Rick 他死了
I'm sorry, Rick, but he's dead.

该死 Morty 我就要求你这么一件事
God damn it, Morty. I ask you to do one thing!

Jerry都不知道他错过了什么
Jerry doesn't know what he's missing.

他会想通的 Beth
He'll come around, Beth.

圣诞是个特殊的日子
Christmas is a special time.

能以意想不到的方式使家人欢聚
It has funny ways of bringing families together.

我不知道 Jacob
I don't know, Jacob.

Jerry今天本可以有点生气的 但他拒绝了
Jerry got an invitation to be alive today, and he rejected it.

我不知道我们的婚姻是否还能...
I don't know if our marriage will...

下血雨了
It's raining blood!

该死 去找Jerry
Oh, shit. Find Jerry.

Jerry
Jerry!

没事的 电视上说不用担心
It's all right. The TV says there's nothing to worry about.

巨大的浮空圣诞老人爆炸了
The giant, naked sky santa has exploded.

血和脏器碎块正飘零而下
Blood and chunks of viscera are raining down on the country.

不过应该没什么问题
Everything should be fine.

太好了
Oh, yes.

爸 能把手机还给我吗
Dad, can I have my phone back?

当然可以 给
Sure, sweetie. Here.

大家都拿件电子产品吧
Everybody, take a device.

帮助放松身心
It'll help you relax.

真好
This is nice.

是啊
Yeah.

我想这个圣诞我们都学到了什么 Jacob
Look, I guess we really learned something this christmas, Jacob.

爸 没这回事
No, we didn't, dad.

没这回事
No, we didn't.

Bloom博士真是可惜
Too bad about Dr. Bloom.

他是个天才 只有他能再造一个人体公园
He was a genius, the only man capable of creating a new anatomy park.

其实 我研究过Bloom博士的成果
Actually, I studied Dr. Bloom's work.

我觉得我能再造出一个全新的 也更安全的公园
I-I-I-I believe I have the knowledge necessary to create an entirely new, much safer park.

那胰之海盗呢
What about... Pirates of the pancreas?

我觉得那被严重低估了
I think it was one of the most underrated attractions.

好极了 屏住呼吸
Boo-yah! Hold your breath.

你干嘛 Rick
Hey, w-w-what the hell, Rick?!

搞什么啊 我喜欢她
What the hell, man! I liked her!

进展很不错啊 Rick
I really had something going there, Rick!

我都听到了
Yeah, so I heard.

你躲过了一劫 Morty 相信我
You dodged a bullet, Morty, trust me.

她下面可肿了
Puffy vagina.

这有什么
W-what's wrong with that?

我不觉得这有什么问题啊
That doesn't sound like a problem to me.

好吧 我不知道
I don't know.

走 去找点吃的 我要饿死了
Come on, let's get some stuffing. I'm starving.

真是难以置信
Oh, unbelievable.

一群机器人 电脑族
We got we got a bunch of robot, computer people,

坐在这儿 脸死命凑在屏幕上
sitting around with their faces stuffed into computer screens.

你们知道今天是基督的生日吗
Do you guys realize that Christ was born today?

耶稣基督 救世主 是在今天出生的
Jesus christ, our savior, was born today.

你们还是人吗
Are are are you people even human?

这算是什么圣诞
What kind of christmas is this?

嘿 Rick
Hey, rick?

Rick 能听见吗
Rick, can you hear me?

非常清楚 Annie
Loud and clear, Annie.

很好
Great.

在这儿的还有Alejandro 首席构想官
We're also on with Alejandro, our chief imaginarian.

嗨 Rick
Hey, Rick.

显微市场部的Natalie Jacobs和Chris Deseter
Natalie Jacobs and Chris Deseter from microscopic marketing,

器官概念部的Zack 以及新媒体部的Jamie
Zack from organ concepts, and Jamie from new media.

大家好
Hey, everybody.

那么 胰之海盗
So, pirates of the pancreas.

没错 说吧
Yeah. Talk to me.

嗨 Rick 我是Alejandro
Hey, Rick. It's Alejandro speaking.

我们认真的反思了一下
Um, so, we asked ourselves, internally we asked ourselves over here,

"胰 是做什么的"
"Okay, what does a pancreas do?"

结论是"它产生海盗"吗
And the answer was, "Does it make pirates?"

不 它产生的是胰岛素
No, it makes insulin, you know?

所以我们打算开展一个新的...
So, we're starting with a new...

那些人在我体内 是吗 在建公园啥的
Those guys are inside me, huh? Like, building a park?

那些人在你体内建垃圾 Ethan
Those guys are inside you building a piece of shit, Ethan!

他们建的是妥协让步的丰碑
They're inside you building a monument to compromise!

[哔]这群人 [哔]这整件事 Ehtan
Those people. This whole thing, Ethan.

酷啊
Cool.

那么 谁付我钱啊
And who pays me?

E4 M. Night Shaym-Aliens!

电波诚译

• 翻译: 大岛优子一生推 Gaby
• 校对: 史努比史酷比
• 后期: 小萌
• 压制: 凯撒

这做工真是渣
T-t-t-this is just sloppy craftsmanship.

嗨 Rick
Hey, Rick.

看呀 今天天可真好呀 是吧
Boy, sure is really especially beautiful out there today, huh?

没错 Morty
oh, yes, Morty.

简直好得不可思议 是吧
I-it's almost unbelievable, Isn't it?

是啊
Yeah, you know?

空气格外清新
There's something about the air

阳光分外明媚
And just the way the sunshine is.

没错 伙计 没错
uh, sure, buddy. Yeah.

当然 棒极了
Sure. B-brilliant.

我简直都要信了
Very convincing.

什么信了
Wha convincing?

哇 还能实时应答啊 真棒
Oh. Responsive, too. In real time. I love it.

好吧
Uhh...okay.

我要去工作了
I'm going to work.

Morty 早上好
Morty, good morning.

爸 早上好
Dad, good morning.

我要去工作了 再见
I am going to work. Goodbye.

老妈怎么了
what's with mom?

老妈怎么了
oh, what's with mom?

你想说她举止很奇怪吗
So, you're saying that she's acting weird?

搞得这么精细 小心点哟
How sophisticated. Careful, guys.

别把中央处理器烧咯
You're gonna burn out the cpu with this one.

算了 Rick
Okay, you know what, Rick?

你今天也很奇怪
You'reacting weird, too.

随你怎么说 所谓的"Morty"
whatever, quote-unquote "Morty."

好吧
all right, well...

那放学见了
I'll see you after school.

哦 噢
Ow! Oof! Ugh!

该死
Damn it!

我没事 我没事
I'm all right. I'm okay.

谁来说说五乘以九等于多少
All right, who can tell me what 5 x 9 is?

Morty
Morty?

我
uh, me?

五乘以九等于多少
What is 5 x 9?

等于
umm...you know, it's

呃 至少四十吧
Uhh...at least 40.

Morty 完全正确
Morty, that's exactly correct!

五乘以九等于至少四十
5 x 9 is at least 40!

上这儿来
Come up here.

你真棒 Morty
Whoo! Way to go, Morty!

同学们 这是我们最好的学生
Everybody, this is the best student.

今天你来当老师
I want you to be the teacher today.

教教我们 Morty
Teach us, Morty!

有意思
Interesting.

你们想让我教什么
W-w-w-what do you want me to teach you?

怎么制造浓缩暗物质啊
How do you make concentrated dark matter?

这是个好问题
Oh, that's a good question.

浓缩什么
concentrated huh?

浓缩暗物质
Concentrated dark matter

加速级星际航行所需的燃料
The fuel for accelerated space travel.

你知道要怎么制造吗
Now, do you know how to make it?

呃
umm...

说啊 Morty
Come on, Morty.

你的外公不是个科学家吗
Isn't your grandpa, like, a Scientist?

没错 但是 他和我说
oh, yeah, but, you know, he told me that

我不可以随便告诉别人
I shouldn't go around spouting off about,

他的科学研究之类的
you know, his science and stuff.

你肯定看见过他制作浓缩暗物质很多次吧
I bet you've seen him make concentrated dark matter a lot.

只要你告诉我们
You know, if you tell us,

我就当你的女朋友
I'll be your girlfriend.

是吗
Uh, y-you will?

机会难得啊 Morty
Seems like a rare opportunity, Morty.

Morty 快来
Morty, u-uh, come on.

家里有急事
There's a family emergency.

站住
Stop right there!

如果他走了 我就挂了他这科
If he leaves, I'm giving him an "F."

他不在乎
he doesn't care.

噢 天
aw, man!

Rick 我必须得回去
Rick, I have to go back!

我觉得我就要结婚了
I think I was about to get married!

喔
Ugh!

和我一起洗澡 Morty
take a shower with me, Morty.

什么
what?!

听我说 Morty
listen to me, Morty.

把衣服脱了过来洗澡
Get your clothes off and get in the shower right now.

相信我 Morty
Y-y-y-you got to trust me, Morty.

噢
ugh!

我会挂科的 Rick
I'm gonna get an "F" In class, Rick.

Morty 你没在上课
Morty, that's not class.

他也不是你的老师
T-t-t-that wasn't your teacher.

这也不是你的学校
This isn't your school.

这个世界也不是我们的世界
This entire world is not the world.

我们在一个外星飞船上的大型模拟舱里
We're inside a huge simulation chamber on an alien spaceship.

等等
wait a minute.

你在说什么
W-what are you talking about?

都是假的
it's all fake

Morty 全都是
Morty, all of it.

纳米级机器渲染 搞出来的假玩意儿 Morty
Nanobotic renderings, a bunch of crazy fake nonsense, Morty.

只有在淋浴间我才能跟你说
I couldn't say so until we got in the shower.

这里他们不会监视
They won't monitor us in here.

监视我们吗 谁
Monitor us?! W-who?!

宇宙骗子Z星人 Morty
Zigerion scammers, Morty

星系里最雄心勃勃却最失败的诈骗集团
The galaxy's most ambitious, least successful con artists.

幸运的是
You know, it's lucky for us

他们没法直视裸体
They're also really uncomfortable with nudity.

得了 Rick
Aw, come on, Rick.

如果今天大家都不正常
If everyone's just gonna be insane today,

至少我要和Jessica一起发疯
at least let me be insane with jessica.

不行 Morty
I can't let you do that, Morty.

还给我
Give it to me!

不行
No!

给我
You give it to me!

给我 Rick
G-g-give it! No, Rick!

天啦 长官
Oh, god, sir!

他们还是裸着的
They're still naked!

嗷
Ugh.

每隔五昆顿检查一次
Well, check every five quintons

等他们不裸了再通知我
And tell me when they're not.

我觉得该让Kevin来盯着 长官
I think we should make kevin look, sir.

什么 不
What?! No!

你干嘛这么说
W-w-why would you even say that?

长官 这边有情况
Uh, sir, we have a situation over here.

要是监视器里有鸡鸡的话 那必须是有情况 Stu
If there's a wiener on that monitor, i swear to god, Stu...

处理系统能耗大幅度增加
Something is drawing a lot of processing power.

等下 难怪
Oh, wait. No wonder.

模拟舱中还有另一个人类
There's another real human in the simulator.

好了 Jerry 重大推销会
Okay, Jerry big pitch meeting.

成败在此一举
Make-or-break time.

你一定行的
You can do this.

这是怎么回事
How did this happen?!

绑架部在干嘛
Where's the abductions department?

绑架部是按照定位部的指令行事的
Hey, man, abductions just follows the acquisition order.

别想推给定位部
Don't put this on acquisitions!

我们只定位没有被模拟的人
We only acquire humans that haven't been simulated!

模拟部是不会模拟已经被绑架了的人的 所以
Well, simulations doesn't simulate anybody that's been abducted, so...

哦 我明白了
Oh, I see! Oh, oh!

谁都没错
It was no one's fault.

好吧
Oh, okay.

抱歉
I'm sorry.

好了 没啥问题了
Well, then, problem solved.

等等 不对
Oh, wait no.

还是有另外一个人类在这里
There's still another human in here!

他是谁
Who is he?

Rick的女婿
Rick's son-in-law,

Jerry Smith
Jerry Smith.

到现在为止 他还没发现自己在模拟舱里
So far, he hasn't noticed he's in a simulation.

将他所在区域的处理功能降到5%
Well, cap his sector at 5% processing,

设置为自动模式
keep his settings on auto,

晚点再来应付他
and we'll deal with him later.

Rick Sanchez才是目标
Rick Sanchez is the target.

放轻松
Got to relax.

不过是个推销会
It's just a pitch.

放轻松
Got to relax.

这里是地球电台
This is earth radio.

接下来是 人类音乐
And now, here's...human music.

人类音乐 我喜欢
hmm. Human music. I like it.

Rick
Rick!

呜呃
uhp, uhp, uhp!

Morty 别拿手挡着小弟弟
Morty, keep your hands off your Ding-dong!

只有这样我们才能随便说话
It's the only way we can speak freely.

看看周围 Morty
Look around you, Morty.

你真以为这个世界是真的
Do you really think this world is real?

这么多粗劣的细节你要多傻才会看不出来
You'd have to be an idiot not to notice all the sloppy details.

看那人把面包夹在两个热狗中间
Look that guy's putting a bun between two hot dogs.

我不知道 Rick
I don't know, Rick.

我见过有人这么干的呀
I mean, I've seen people do that before.

看看那个老太太
well, look at that old lady.

拿狗链栓了个猫在散步
She's she's walking a cat on a leash.

Spencer太太一直这样啊 Rick
uh, Mrs. Spencer does that all the time, Rick.

别提Spencer太太行吗 Morty
look, I-I-I don't want To hear about mrs. Spencer, Morty!

她就一白痴
She's an idiot!

好吧 看那儿
All right, all right, there.

这个如何 Morty
W-what about that, Morty?

好吧 你赢了
Okay, okay, you got me on that one.

真的吗 Morty
oh, really, Morty?

你确定在现实生活中没见过这种的东西
Are you sure you haven't seen that somewhere in real life before?

不 没有
no, no.

我没见过
I haven't seen that.

果酱饼怎么会住在烤面包机里呢
I mean, why would a pop tart want to live inside a toaster, Rick?

那种地方对它们来说不是应该很恐怖吗
I mean, that would be, like, the scariest place for them to live.

对吧
You know what I mean?

你搞错重点了 Morty
you're missing the Point, Morty.

他怎么会开个带轮子的小烤面包机呢
Why would he drive a smaller toaster with wheels?

你的车会像你房子的缩小版吗
I mean, does your car look like a smaller version of your house?

不会
No.

那他们干嘛要这样啊
So, why are they doing this?

他们想干嘛
W-what do they want?

这不是明摆着的吗 Morty
well, that would be obvious to you, Morty,

只要你留点心就会注意到了
If you'd been paying attention.

美国总统在这儿
We got the president of the United States in here!

我们急需10cc的浓缩暗物质 不然他就要死了
We need 10cc of concentrated dark matter, stat, or he'll die!

浓缩暗物质
Concentrated dark matter?

他们在教室里也问起了这个
They were asking about that in class.

没错 那是 我发明的一种特殊燃料
yeah, it's a special fuel I invented

可以让你用最快的速度穿行宇宙
to travel through space faster than anybody else.

Z星人一直试图
These Zigerions are always trying

骗取我的机密
to scam me out of my secrets,

但这次 他们犯了个大错 Morty
But they made a big mistake this time, Morty.

他们把你牵扯了进来
They dragged you into this.

他们会付出代价的
Now they're gonna pay!

那你要 我们该怎么做
what do you w-w-what are we gonna do?

我们要比他们更奸诈 Morty
we'll scam the scammers, Morty.

让他们付出一切
And we're gonna take them for everything they've got.

美国的果农们
National apple farmers of America,

欢迎来到我们的广告公司
welcome to our ad agency.

我是Jerry Smith
I'm Jerry Smith.

好吧
All right.

让我们直奔广告展示
I'll just...get to the pitch.

一个简单的问题 先生们
Um, simple question, gentlemen,

什么是苹果
what are apples?

不好意思
excuse me.

什么是苹果
What are apples?

苹果是食物
Apples are food.

那么 我们何时需要食物呢
And...when do we need food?

想吃东西的时候
When we're hungry.

因此 我将新标语介绍给你们
With that, I give you your new slogan!

想要苹果吗?

说点什么啊
Well, say something!

你们喜欢吗
Do you like it?

是的
Yes.

真的
you do?

是的
yes.

所以 我成功了
so...I sold it?

我把这个创意卖出去了
I sold the idea?

是的
yes.

天哪 谢谢
oh, my god! Thank you!

谢谢 - 不用谢
Thank you. - You're welcome.

嗨
hey!

我刚刚卖出了我的第一个广告
I just sold my first pitch!

慢着点
Slow down!

不错哟
Lookin' good.

干得好
My man!

你好
hello.

猜猜谁刚把苹果广告创意卖出去了
Guess who just sold the apples campaign.

谁刚刚把苹果广告创意卖出去了
who just sold the Apples campaign?

我
me!

所以这不是抄袭"有牛奶吗"(著名广告标语)
I guess it wasn't a rip-off of "Got milk?" after all.

某人是大错特错了啊
Guess someone was wrong.

是的
yes.

原谅你了 因为现在
well, all is forgiven, because right now,

我已经像东海岸灯塔一样一柱擎天了
I've got an erection the size of an east coast lighthouse,

我正要回家来和我美丽的老婆一起分享呢
And I'm coming home to share it with my beautiful wife.

好的
okay.

真的
Wait, really?

是的
yes.

太棒了
yes!

10分钟后见
See you in 10 minutes!

嘿
Hey!

我就要去和我老婆做爱了
I'm going to make love to my wife!

不错哟
Lookin' good.

慢着点
Slow down!

好样的
My man!

天哪 Rick
aw, geez, Rick.

这个计划真的好吗
I-I don't know if I like this plan, you know?

人一多 我就总觉得好紧张
I mean, crowds, t-t-t-they have a tendency to make me really nervous.

Morty 别怕
Morty, relax.

外面只不过是堆二进制代码
It's just a bunch of 1s and 0s out there.

没事的
You're gonna be fine.

跟着我来就行
Just follow my lead.

哟 DJ 节奏打起来
Yo, deejay, drop that beat.

啊噢 Morty
Uh-oh, Morty.

我们这么赞的说唱表演
This crowd looks too small

这人也来的太少了
for one of our famous rap concerts.

这我们还怎么表演我们的新歌
I don't think we can perform our new song,

"浓缩暗物质配方"
"The recipe for Concentrated dark matter,"

就这么点人
for a crowd this tiny.

你说的对 Rick
you got that right, Rick.

这还差不多
now that's more like it!

Morty 走着
Morty, here we go.

每个人都说"嘿哟"
Let me hear everybody say "Hey-oh!" Yeah!

所有女士请说"耶"
All the ladies say, "Yeah!"

所有超过30岁的人 用你们的手做这个动作
Everybody over 30, do this with your hands!

所有穿红衣服的人
Everybody with a red shirt,

上下蹦
jump up and down!

嗯嗯嗯
mm. Mm. Mm.

就这样 别动
Yeah, don't move.

嗯 嗯 唔嗯
Mm, mm, mm, mm!

嗯
Mm!

名字以"L"开头的非西班牙裔
name begins with an "L" who isn't hispanic,

绕圈子 圈数等于你们的年龄平方根的十倍
walk in a circle the same number of times as the square root of your age times 10!

快跑 Morty
Run, Morty!

趁着系统还没重启
Before the system reboots!

耶 喜欢这样么
yeah! You like that?

现在知道我的厉害了吧
Now who's unremarkable?

你想要苹果吗
You hungry for apples?

你 想要 苹果吗
Are you hungry...for...apples?!

哦 天哪
Oh, my god.

这是我有生以来最棒的一场爱爱了
That's the best sex I've ever had in my life.

这 这也太棒了
It's...it's...too good.

我配不上这个 Beth
I don't deserve this, Beth.

我是个骗子
I'm a fraud.

天 Rick
oh, man, Rick!

我们要跑哪儿去
W-w-w-where we running to?

跑出模拟舱 Morty
Out of the simulation, Morty.

通常来讲 模拟舱的运行类似跑步机
Normally, the chamber operates like a treadmill,

随着我们的移动 身后的虚拟世界会不断消失
with the virtual world disappearing

新渲染的空间会出现在我们眼前
behind us and being rendered in front of us as we move through it,

但如果它当机了 Morty
but while it's frozen, Morty,

我们就可以到达边界了
we can get to The edge.

快来吧
Here we go.

我的天啊
holy crap!

快点 Morty
come on, Morty.

长官 他们穿过边界了
Sir, they're over the edge.

没错
Yes, they are.

正如 计划 所料
Just...as...planned.

咱这心理操纵(mindfuck)玩得妙啊
Oh, this is going to be such a mind [beep].

到了中控室好好盯着点 Morty
keep your eyes peeled for the central processing room, Morty.

看看我们怎么耍这群傻子
That's how we're gonna scam these idiots.

嘿 Rick 如果你比这群外星人聪明那么多
so, hey, why do these aliens keep coming after you,

为啥他们还一直追着你不放啊
Rick, if you're so much smarter than them?

他们就是有这种执念
it's an obsession for them at this point.

这么多年来
The zigerions have been

Z星人一直想证明他们比我聪明 Morty
trying to outsmart me for years, Morty.

每次我都比他们棋高一着
Every time they do, I'm one step ahead of them.

啊哈
Aha!

到了
Here we go.

中央处理器→

←逃生舱

能拿多少处理器就拿多少 Morty
Grab as many processors as you Can carry, Morty.

这群人没什么本事
These guys aren't good at much,

做芯片倒是有一套
But they're reallygood at making these chips.

我抓太多啦 都快拿不了啦
I've got so many, I can barely hold them all.

看呐 看我
Look at-look at this.

哎呀 掉了一个
Oops. I dropped one.

别担心 Morty
don't worry about it, Morty.

这玩意儿有的是 小笨蛋
There's plenty of them, you little goofball.

过来 Morty 噢 抓到你啦
Come here, Morty! Oh, I gotcha!

行啦 别闹啦 Rick
come on, quit it, Rick!

别闹啦
Quit it!

小家伙 时不时闹一下没啥错的
nothing wrong with just a little bit of horseplay every now and then, little fella.

哇哦 真没想到 居然这么容易
wow. What do you know? Huh. That was easy.

完全没错
totes malotes, dawg.

都有点不敢相信了
just kind of hard to believe, you know?

没啥不信的 Morty
believe it, Morty.

我又把能拿的全拿走然后远走高飞啦
And once again, I'm flying away with everything I can carry,

Z星人从我这儿什么都没搞到
and the Zigerions got nothing of mine.

Marklevitz先生 能和您谈谈吗
Mr. Marklevitz, do you have a Minute to talk?

好啊
yes.

我是个骗子
look, I'm a fraud.

我们面对事实吧
I mean, let's face it

"想要苹果吗"是我抄的"有牛奶吗"
"Hungry for apples" Is just a rip-off of "Got milk?"

简直如出一辙
It's almost identical.

是的
yes.

好吧
okay.

我活该
I deserve that.

我这就去卷铺盖卷
Umm...I guess...i'll just pack up my desk.

好的
yes.

噢 天哪
oh, my god.

等会儿 不对
Wait. You know what?! No!

编牛奶广告的那群人又没为简单反问句申请专利
The milk people don't have a patent on simple rhetorical questions!

"想吃苹果吗"和"有牛奶吧" 没一个字是一样的
There's not even a single word in "Hungry for apples" That's Shared by "Got milk?"

我写的是一个完全不同的广告语
It's a completely different slogan.

完全不同
It's different!

我不该走人
And I shouldn't be fired.

我该升职
I should be promoted!

是的
yes.

耶
yeah!

等等 真的吗
Wait. Really?

是的
Yes!

棒
yes!

虽然这条广告语是衍生出来的
I mean, I'm it may be derivative,

但这是公司这么久以来
but it's the most successful

最成功的一条广告语
campaign to come out of the agency in a long time.

是的
yes.

我倒不是说我该得个什么广告奖
i-I'm not saying it should win an award for commercials,

但完全可以有个专门颁给苹果广告的奖项的提名啊
but it could certainly be nominated for an award for commercials specifically about apples,

比如说 苹苹奖之类的
Like...an appley or something.

是的
yes.

真有和苹果品牌广告有关的奖项叫苹苹奖吗
is there really an award called the appley for apple-related ad campaigns?

是的
yes.

能提名我吗
could we nominate me?

是的
yes.

超赞啊
holy crap!

进来 Morty
get in, Morty.

我可以用这些处理器
I'm gonna be able to use these processors

搞点真正重大的科学发明
to make some real important science stuff.

哈 我应该输对了啊
Huh. I thought I entered the code right.

哇 这是什么啊
Wha well, what's this?

这是怎么回事
W-what could this possibly be?

因为看起来你们在模拟舱
Because it looks like you're inside a simulation...

里面的另一个模拟舱里
Inside a simulation.

你们还在我们的飞船上
You're still on the ship.

美梦破灭
Game-day bucket go boom.

出自一个肯德基广告

长官 呃
Sir, the, uh,

您和医生之前预约的
doctor's appointment to examine

检查您肛门瓣的变色情况
the discoloration on your butthole flaps was

声音太大了 Cynthia
Too loud, Cynthia.

而且你说的太具体了
Too loud and too specific.

呃
uhh...

我们早就知道
We've known how to make

怎么制造浓缩暗物质了
concentrated dark matter for a long time.

不过现在嘛 我们 还知道了
But now we also know

你传说中的保险箱密码 Rick Sanchez
the code to your fabled safe, Rick Sanchez!

你所有最珍贵的秘密
All your most valuable secrets

马上就是我们的了
will now be ours!

是吗 我会在你们之前赶到家
uh, yeah, until I get home before you

然后把密码改了
and change the combination,

蠢货
you bunch of Idiots!

所以你永远也回不了家了
That is why you're never getting home.

给我抓起来
Get them!

快跑 Morty
Run, Morty!

噢老天啊
oh, my god!

关闭重力开关

啊
Ow!

开启重力开关

第七十五届

苹苹奖

不得不说 今天早上
I got to tell you, this morning,

我都不知道还有这个奖
I didn't even know this award existed.

现在我居然拿着奖杯
Now I'm holding one.

呃
And...um...

我想说
Look, I want to say that today

今天是我一生中最美好的一天
was the best day of my life...

但其实它的意义远高于此
But...the truth is, it's it's more meaningful than that.

好样的
My man!

谢谢您
yes. Thank you, sir.

我的人生 终于 完整了
I...am...finally complete!

好 好 好 好样的
My my my my man!

啊啊
aah!

搞什么
What the hell?!

不要啊
No.

Jerry - 爸
Jerry?! - Dad!

你在这儿干啥呢
what are you doing Here?

你怎么穿的像个服务生似的
W-why are you dressed like a Waiter?

算了 没时间了 快跑
Screw it. We don't have time. Come on.

不要啊
no!

逃生舱

研发部

禁区

啊啊啊啊
ohhhhh!

啊
aah!

啊
Oof!

有点儿男人样 Jerry
man up, Jerry!

可能得要你来操作激光炮
I may need you to work the lasers.

天啊 他们马上就要追上来了 Rick
Oh, man! They're hot on our tail, Rick!

看来他们确实有浓缩暗物质
I guess they really do have concentrated dark matter.

你也知道怎么制造的 对吧 Rick
well, you know how to make it, too, right, Rick?

是的
yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

去轮机舱看看
Uh, check the engine room.

我们需要铯 深成夸克
We just need cesium, plutonic quarks,

还有一瓶水
and bottled water.

齐了 Rick
it's all here, Rick!

哇 Morty 运气太好了
wow, Morty. Lucky break.

把那个桶拿过来
Grab that bucket.

好 两份深成夸克
Okay, two parts plutonic quarks,

一份铯
One part cesium.

好的
okay. Uh-huh.

好了
All right.

现在把水全倒进桶里
Now empty the water bottle into the bucket

再把混合物全倒进燃料箱
and pour it all into the fuel tank

然后我们就能逃出去了
so we can get the hell out of here!

你干啥呢 Morty
What are you doing, Morty?!

没时间了
There's no time!

噢 不是吧
oh, no.

到底
what the

不要啊
no!

天哪 Rick
Oh, my god, Rick.

你是有多蠢啊
How dumb are you?

你是在模拟出的模拟舱
You're inside a simulation... of a simulation...

模拟出的另一个模拟舱里
Inside another giant simulation!

我们从来没有过浓缩暗物质的配方
W-we never had the recipe for concentrated dark matter.

但是现在有了
But we do now!

现在有了 蠢货
We do now, sucka!

你们模拟了我外孙的生殖器
You simulated my grandson's genitalia?!

你们这群畜生
Y-y-you bunch of diabolical sons of bitches!

Kevin为了监管这项工程可是费了不少劲儿呢
Kevin fought real hard to supervise that project.

说好了不告诉别人的
You said you weren't gonna tell anyone!

这个梗我这辈子都摆脱不掉了是吗
I'm never gonna live this down, am I?

好吧 好吧
all right. Okay.

好吧 你厉害 你狠
All right, great. Wonderful.

你赢了 我们现在能回家了不
You win. Can we go home now?

我不知道 能吗
I don't know. Can you?

哈 赞
Ha! Nice.

好了 好了
Okay, okay.

把这个好骗的傻瓜送上航天机
Show this gullible turd to his shuttle.

没他什么事儿了
I'm done with him.

噢 等下 拍张照
Oh, wait. Let me get a picture.

哎哟 看他的表情
Aww. Look at his face.

他还在琢磨自己是不是在模拟舱里呢
He's trying to figure out if he's in a simulation still.

是吧 Rick
Are you, Rick?

是吧
Are you?

不是
You're not.

还是说 是呢
Or are you?

噢 还 还有
Oh, a-and, by the way,

我的肛门瓣可没变色
I don't have discolored butthole flaps.

那是模拟的一部分
That was part of the simulation.

噢
Oh.

呃 长官 那我是不是要取消预约
Uh, sir, should I cancel that appointment, then?

对啊 当然取消
Yeah! Of course you should!

不 留着
No, keep it.

可以的话 提到上面去
Move it up, actually, if you can.

嘿 Jerry 别担心嘛
Hey, Jerry, don't worry about it.

就算你人生中最有意义的一天是 都是最低性能的模拟又怎么样呢
So what if the most meaningful day of your life was a simulation operating at minimum capacity?

是吗 Rick 这些人也把你耍了
you know what, Rick? Those guys took you for a ride, too.

你还是尊重一下宇宙里的蠢人吧
You should try having a little respect for the dummies of the universe,

既然你也是其中之一
now that you're one of us.

也许你说得对 Jerry
maybe you're right, Jerry.

也许你说得对
Maybe you're right.

好了大伙儿
All right, everybody.

两份深成夸克
Two parts plutonic quarks...

一份铯
One part cesium...

还有 很抱歉之前对大家大吼大叫
A-and listen, I'm sorry for yelling earlier.

你们是最棒的员工
I-I couldn't ask for a better Staff.

我爱你们 我也爱你们的家人
I love you guys, and I love all your families.

最后的原料
And the final ingredient...

啊
whoa!

搞什么啊
What the hell?!

发生了什么
W-what happened back there?

Jerry 不然你去问问全宇宙最聪明的人吧
why don't you ask the smartest people in the universe, Jerry?

噢对 没法问了
Oh, yeah. You can't.

他们都被炸飞了
They blew up.

Gerry Rafferty《Baker Street》

那么
so...

怎么样
What do you think?

你被解雇了
You're fired.

啥
wha

但这个创意已经通过了最先进的模拟测试了
But t-this idea was tested in a state-of-the-art simulation.

那这模拟有够烂的
Well, then, it was a terrible Simulation.

滚出去
Get out.

天 这种人是怎么能回家和他老婆做爱的
Man, how does a guy like that go home and have sex with his wife?

嘿 Morty
hey, Morty.

干啥啊
what?

嘿 小伙子
hey, little buddy.

你感觉怎 怎么样
H-h-how you doing in here right Now?

天 Rick
aw, geez, Rick.

你来干啥啊
What are you doing, man?

你你你是个好孩子 Morty
y-y-you're a good kid, Morty.

你真是个人人人物 Morty
Y-you're a real l-little c-character, Morty.

唉
oh, boy.

我今天很不顺 Morty
you know, I had a really rocky road today, M-Morty.

你是我的小伙伴 是吧
You're my little friend, aren't You?

我们一起玩得很开心 是吧 Morty
We had some good times together, Huh, M-Morty?

我们 你是个真正的英雄
We... You're a real true hero out in the field.

你是个
You're a li

你是顶梁柱啊 对吧 Morty
You're a real trouper, huh, M-m-Morty?

你喝酒了吗 Rick
have you been Drinking, Rick?

我真的挺欣赏你的
T really appreciate You, Morty.

好好吧 知道了
o-okay, cool.

好好吧 Rick
A-all right, Rick

你个小狗崽子
you little son of a bitch!

你是模拟出来的吗
Y-y are you a simulation?!

哼 你是模拟出来的吗
Huh?! Are you a simulation?!

不 我不是啊
no! No! No!

你个小狗崽子
you little son of a Bitch!

对对对不起 Morty
i-I-I'm sorry, Morty.

你是个好 你是个好孩子 Morty
Y-you're a good.. You're a good kid, Morty.

我去
geez!

你是个好 你是个好孩子
y-you're a good... you're a good kid.

噢天
oh, my god!

搞什么啊
w-w-what the hell?

人生真艰难
What a life.

E5 Meeseeks and Destroy

电波诚译

• 翻译: 为爱人爆肝的Kimuu
• 校对: 被爱人感动的阿朽
• 后期: 逼爱人卖肾的小萌
• 压制: 凯撒

快跑
Run!

Morty 动手
Morty, do it!

快摁按钮
Hit the button now!

我做不到 Rick
I can't do it, Rick!

这可是我的爸妈和姐姐啊
They're my parents and sister!

Morty 我已经和你说过了 这不是你家人
Morty, I already told you it's not your family!

是另一个未来的平行宇宙里
They're clones from an alternate reality,

被外星恶灵附身的他们
possessed by demonic alien spirits from another dimension's future!

你是得要什么记忆辅助装置之类的吗
Do you need a mnemonic device or something?

快摁按钮
Just hit the button, already!

不要 Morty 我爱你 亲爱的
Morty, please, I love you, sweetheart.

噢
Oh!

干得好 Morty
Good work, Morty.

这这这些外星恶灵可是非常珍贵的
You know, th-th-these demonic alien spirits are really valuable.

你还好吗 Morty
You okay, Morty?

我跟你说了那些金枪鱼不能吃了
I told you not to trust that tuna.

我不管他们究竟是什么
I just killed my family!

我刚杀了我的家人
I don't care what they were.

是吗 Morty
I don't know, Morty.

有的人出大价钱就为了迈出这一步呢
Some people'd pay top dollar for that kind of breakthrough.

Rick 我受够了
You know what, Rick? That's it!

我受够这些疯狂的冒险了
I'm done with these insane adventures!

我的心灵受到了创伤
That was really traumatizing!

我不干了
I quit! I'm out!

哇 哇 哇
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

别啊 Morty 别别别这样
Come on, Morty, don't don't don't be like that.

宇宙就是这样疯狂而混乱的啊
The universe is a crazy, chaotic place.

你才疯狂又混乱
You're the one that's crazy and chaotic!

冒险应该是轻松愉快才对
Adventures are supposed to be simple and fun.

是啊 Morty 是啊
Oh, yeah, Morty, yeah.

这这这这种话 跟班的说起来当然轻松
Yeah, that that that's real easy to say from the sidekick position.

那那不然下次 你来负责
But but, uh, how about next time you be in charge,

我们看看是怎么个轻松愉快法
and then we'll talk about how simple and fun it is?

真的吗 Rick
Seriously, Rick?

你让我来做决定吗
Y-y-you'll you'll let me call the shots?

是的
Okay, yeah, fine.

不过为了更有意思些 Morty
But let's make it interesting, Morty.

如如如果你的冒险很烂 我们半路放弃了
I-I-I-if your adventure sucks and we bail halfway through it,

那以后的冒险你都不准抱怨
you lose the right to bitch about all future adventures.

还有 你得帮我洗一个月的衣服
Plus, you have to do my laundry for a month.

没问题 硬汉
Okay, all right, tough guy!

但如果成功的话
But if my adventure's good,

以后每三个冒险就由我做主
I get to be in charge of every third adventure!

每十个
Every tenth.

成交
Deal. All right.

那那我们快点出发吧
W-well, come on, let's get going.

爸 洗碗机老毛病又犯了
Dad, the dishwasher's doing that thing again.

洗碗的毛病么
Washing dishes?

它不洗啊 你能修好它么 - Rick外公
No. The opposite. Can you fix it? - Grandpa Rick,

我作业不会做 能帮帮我吗
Can you help me with my science homework?

可以啊 别做就好啦
Yeah j-just don't do it.

外公
Grandpa!

Rick 你有什么手状的发明
Hey, Rick, you got some kind of hand-shaped device

能帮我打开这美乃滋的罐子嘛
that can open this mayonnaise jar?

哇 帽子戏法(三连击)
Wow. Hat trick.

好吧 Morty 冒险的事情先暂且放一下吧
All right, Morty, let's put a pin in this.

你家这群可怜虫需要我的帮助
I got to help your pathetic family.

说这种话 你不是怂(鸡)了吧
Oh, that sounds like something a chicken would say.

咯咯咯 咯咯咯
Bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk.

呵呵 Morty 你真是欺人太甚了 赌约正式开始
Oh, Morty, you done did it this time. It's on.

我真是等不及你的冒险不终而散
I can't wait to watch your adventure lay a huge fart.

至于你们这群渣渣
As for you dingdongs...

这是一个使命必达盒
This is a Meeseeks Box.

我来示范一下 你按这个
Let me show you how it works. You press this.

看过来 我是使命必达先生
I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me!

你说出你的请求
You make a request.

使命必达先生 打开Jerry的傻逼美乃滋罐子
Mr. Meeseeks, open Jerry's stupid mayonnaise jar.

遵命 先生
Yes, siree!

使命必达先生会满足你的请求
The Meeseeks fulfills the request.

搞定
All done!

哇
Wow!

然后他会自动消失
And then it stops existing.

天哪 他自爆了
Oh, my god, he exploded!

没事 他们巴不得这样
Trust me, they're fine with it.

请便 但记得请求不要太复杂
Knock yourselves out, just keep your requests simple.

他们可不是上帝
They're not gods.

行 好了 快点出去吧 大家快滚出去
All right! G-get out of here now! Everybody out of here!

我还有场赌要赢呢
I got a bet to win!

好多心愿想实现啊
So many possibilities.

脑中一片翻腾
My mind is racing.

如果我们要用这东西的话
If we're gonna use this thing,

虽然我觉得还是有点玄 我们的请求得简...
which I'm not even sure we should, we need to keep it simp...

我是使命必达先生
I'm Mr. Meeseeks!

我想在学校里变得受欢迎
I want to be popular at school!

行啊
Ooh, okay!

Summer 我刚刚还在说来着
Summer, what did I just...

我是使命必达先生 看过来
Ooh, I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me!

我想成为一个更加完整的女人
I-I-I want I want to be a more complete woman!

Beth
Beth!

嗯 行啊 女士
Oh, yeah! Yes, ma'am!

你们这是在乱用吧
You guys are doing it wrong.

他说了要"简单"
He said "simple."

你好 我是使命必达先生
Hey, there. I'm Mr. Meeseeks!

使命必达先生 我希望我的高尔夫成绩能减两杆
Mr. Meeseeks, I would like to take two strokes off my golf game.

行啊 没问题
Ooh, yeah! Can do!

搞定
Nailed it.

天哪 Morty 这冒险开始得好无聊啊
God, Morty, what a boring start to an adventure.

我们干嘛不直接去肯塔基州啊
I don't w-w-w-why didn't we just go to Kentucky?

Rick 这是一个奇幻世界 里面充满了神奇的生物和奇幻的东西
Rick, this is a fantasy-type world with creatures and all sorts of fantasy things.

我们是来探险的 - 好期待啊
W-we're going on a quest, okay? - Can't wait.

咳咳 不好意思
Ahem. Excuse me!

我们是两位渴望冒险的谦逊英雄
We are two humble heroes in search of adventure!

天哪 太丢脸了
Oh, my god, so embarrassing.

你们总算来了 两位英雄 你们得帮帮我们
At last! Two heroes! You must help us!

这个村太穷了
This village is terribly poor,

但是住在云端的巨人
yet the giant that lives in the clouds above

却私藏了数不清的财富
has untold treasures!

这样啊
You know what?

我接受你的请求 这位善良又温和的先生
I-I-I accept your call to adventure, good sir, kind sir.

走吧 Rick 云端上住着巨人呢
Come on, Rick. There's a giant in the clouds!

呵呵 新手的运气
Yeah. Beginner's luck.

总而言之 与Summer Smith的友谊是可贵的
In conclusion, a friendship with Summer Smith is the most valuable

和Summer友谊天长地久

能让你们年轻的生命更加充实
and enriching experience of your young lives.

我是使命必达先生 看过来
I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me!

谢谢
Thank you!

使命必达先生是吗
Uh, Mr. Meeseeks, was it?

我是基恩 阴道
Yeah. Gene Vagina.

我最近因为监护权和前妻有点问题 我想能不能
Listen, I'm in a bit of custody thing with my ex and was wondering...

没事 我找Summer要你的联系方式好了
No, I'll g-get your info from Summer.

我17岁时就怀孕了
I got pregnant at 17.

我还是上完了兽医学院
I mean, I still put myself through veterinary school.

我很成功 但要是当时我没能
Yes, I'm successful, but what if I hadn't...

我只是想说 时过境迁
I'm just saying, somewhere along the way,

那个天真烂漫的马斯基根少女已经不复存在了
I lost that wide-eyed girl from Muskegon.

她还在你心里啊 Beth
She's still there, Beth.

至少腰是没了
Well, her waistline isn't.

Beth 即使有了家庭
Beth, having a family

你也还是可以拥有属于自己的一片天啊
doesn't mean that you stop being an individual.

对爱你 依赖你的人
You know the best thing you can do for people that depend on you?

你更应该坦诚 即使这意味着放手
Be honest with them, even if it means setting them free.

你的意思是说 我应该离开Jerry
You're saying I should leave Jerry.

真不敢相信 终于有人谈到了我的心声
I can't believe I'm finally having this conversation.

还要酒吗
More wine?

不用 我喝得够多了
I think I've had enough.

肩放松 自然往后收 Jerry
Remember to square your shoulders, Jerry.

是啊 是啊 我知道了
Yeah, yeah. I got it.

没事的啦 看过来 我是使命必达先生
That's okay. I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me!

再来一次 头压低一点
Try again and keep your head down.

所以到底要干嘛
Okay, well, which is it?

收肩还是头压低一点
Square my shoulders or keep my head down?

两个都要 但是最重要的是 你得放轻松
Well, it's both. But most importantly, you got to relax.

使命必达先生
You know what, Mr. Meeseeks?

我觉得这样没用 我放弃了
I don't think this is working. I give up.

对不起 Jerry 你不能放弃
I'm sorry, Jerry, but it doesn't work like that.

我是使命必达先生
I'm Mr. Meeseeks.

我必须满足你的请求然后消失 看过来
I have to fulfill my purpose so I can go away. Look at me.

那你随意吧 我逊爆了
Well, make yourself comfortable, because I suck.

不 我才逊爆了
No, Jerry, I'm the one who sucks!

我试试这个办法
Let me try something.

我是使命必达先生 看过来
I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me!

嗨 使命必达先生 我是使命必达先生 看过来 - 嗨
Hi, Mr. Meeseeks! I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me. - Hi!

你能帮我让Jerry的高尔夫成绩少两杆嘛
Can you help me get two strokes off of Jerry's golf swing?

当然可以 我是使命必达先生
Can do! I'm Mr. Meeseeks!

他的肩有往后收嘛
Is he keeping his shoulders squared?

他有在努力
Ooh, he's trying!

好了 Mort
All right, Morty.

我们到了这蠢巨人的城堡里面了
W-w-we're in your stupid giant's castle.

接下来做什么
W-what do we do next?

放轻松行吗 Rick
Would you just relax, Rick?

我们只要找到宝藏室就行了
All we got to do is find the treasure room, okay?

简单明了
It's nice and simple.

冒险这么这么一帆风顺真是对不起啊
You know, I-I-I'm sorry everything's going so smoothly and adventurously.

不好了 Morty
Uh-oh, Morty.

事情不太妙了啊
Startin' to get a little hairy.

老大 我们接下来该怎么做
What do you want to do, boss?

快点 躲到这个饼干罐后面
Come on, hurry. Behind this cookie jar.

(杰克与豌豆中巨人所念四行诗的第一句)
Fee! Fi! Fo! Fum!

放弃吧 Morty 游戏到此为止
Just give up, Morty. This is game over.

只要你开口 我们现在就能回去
I'll take us home right now. You just say the word.

没戏 Rick 这都是冒险的一部分
No way, Rick. This is all part of it.

冒险就是要有冲突 要勇敢直面
Adventures have conflict. Deal with it.

我闻到了...(第二句 我闻到了英国人的血味)
I smell the blood of...(an English man)

我操 - 天哪
Holy crap. - Oh, boy.

他看起来快不行了 Morty
He looks pretty bad down there, Morty.

要失血而亡了
Looks like he's bleeding out.

天哪 Dale
Oh, Jesus! Dale!

你们这群混蛋 - 不好
You sons of bitches! - Oh, man.

911吗
Hello, 911?

我老公被迷你人袭击了
My husband has been attacked by tiny people!

已经奄奄一息了
He's dying!

听着 我们懂
Hey, look, we get it.

你们很小 最近又不太景气 然后你们就想
You're little, you're down on your luck, you think,

"反正他是个巨人
"Hey, he's a giant.

不妨我们潜入他家 先抢劫再杀人灭口 多好啊"
Why don't we break into his home, rob him, and murder him?"

事情的经过不是这样子的
But that's not how it went down!

没差 反正事情就这么入案了
Oh, well, it's going down like that.

你们两个就这么入狱吧
You're both going down like that.

哇 Morty 你真是让我见识到了怎么冒险啊
Ooh, boy, Morty, you're really showing me how it's done.

真是简单又有趣
Real straightforward and fun.

放下想要变得受欢迎这个想法
Like, letting go of the need to be popular

才能更好地让别人喜欢你
is what makes people like you.

真爱来自自爱
The most important love you can receive is from yourself.

Jerry 虎口下握 靠近击球点
Okay, Jerry, you got to just choke up on the club!

到底干嘛 下握还是随球把挥杆动作做完
Well, which is it, choke up or follow-through?!

Jerry 拜托 我们说了好几次了
Aww, come on, Jerry, we've been over this.

两个都要做到
You know you got to do both!

我们和你一样心烦
This is as frustrating for us as it is for you.

别来和我扯这些 这只会让我压力更大
Don't tell me that! That just puts pressure on me!

试着放松啦 - 你才该放松
Just try to relax. - You try to relax!

你试着放松过吗 真是自相矛盾
Have you ever tried to relax?! It is a paradox!

这些使命必达先生 可真棘手啊
These Meeseeks, huh? Kind of a handful.

你们肯定也很头疼吧
I can't imagine what you two must be going through.

Jerry 我们的使命必达先生都已经消失几个小时了
Our Meeseeks have been gone for hours, Jerry.

你这是在逗我吧
You're kidding me.

注意到什么变化没
Notice anything different?

等等 你说几个小时前就消失了?
I-I-I'm sorry. Hours?

爸 看妈妈多美
Dad, mom is a beautiful woman!

你这样会失去她的
Look at her! You will lose her!

呃
Uhh...

Jerry 你能回来继续练习了嘛
Hey, Jerry, you mind if we get back to the task at hand?

使命必达先生一般不需要存活这么久的
Meeseeks don't usually have to exist this long.

这感觉怪怪的
It's getting weird.

法庭内保持肃静
Order in the court!

在陪审团裁定前
Before the jury reaches its verdict,

我想先澄清 我个人认为你们两个是有罪的
I just want to say that I consider you both very guilty.

真是奇妙的冒险啊 伙计
Oh, great adventure, Buddy.

Rick和Morty进巨人监狱
Rick and Morty go to giant prison.

要是有人不小心掉块肥皂
You know, if somebody drops the soap,

砸我们头上 我们的脊柱就直接被砸碎了 Morty
it's gonna land on our heads and crush our spines, Morty.

那之后再奸尸多容易
You know, i-i-i-it'll be really easy to rape us after that.

我们不会有事的 Rick
We're gonna be okay, Rick.

你想怎么做 他们把我的传送枪没收了
How? They took my portal gun.

这案子一目了然 Morty
This is an open-and-shut case, Morty.

你觉得还能发生什么事吗
You know, w-w-w-what do you think's gonna happen,

凭空出现一个有魔力的天使 然后...
some magical angel's gonna show up and then...

Fee Fi Fo Fum
Fee! Fi! Fo! Fum!

我闻到了侵犯公民自由的味道
I smell the violation of civil liberties!

法官大人 我来自一个迷你人倡导团体
Your honor, I'm from a tiny-persons advocacy group

我来此是为了递交驳回此案的动议
and I have here in my hand a motion to dismiss.

这些迷你人未曾被告知他们的巨人权利
These little men were never read their giant rights

所以应当被 fi释 fo放
and are therefore free-fi to fo-home.

他到底在说什么啊
W-what the hell is he talking about?

我的意思是他们自由了
They're free to go, is what I meant.

我我我只是想贴近我们的口头禅而已
I-I-I'm deconstructing our our thing we say.

我们不是巨人嘛 居然没人懂 算了随便吧
We're giants. Nobody got that? Whatever.

我就和你说嘛 Rick 我们做到了
Oh, man, what did I tell you, Rick? We did it!

Morty 看来传送枪还能用
All right, Morty, looks Like the portal gun's still working.

准备回家了吗
You ready to head home?

是啊 这样你就逞心如意了不是嘛 Rick
Oh, yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you, Rick?

我们还不能放弃
Well, you know what? We're not bailing out just yet.

我们还要去找一些宝藏什么的
You know, we're gonna go find some treasure or something

带回去分给那些村民呢
and we're gonna bring it to those villagers.

Morty 别逞强了 这明显是徒劳无功
Morty, cut your losses. This is obviously a wash.

是啊 我们一开始被捕的时候你也是这么说的
Yeah, you were saying that back w-w-w-when we first got arrested,

巨人法院

现在我们被释放了 还大步流星的走出法院呢
but here we are, you know, walking down the Courthouse steps.

天哪 Morty
Oh, boy, Morty.

通常从法院的楼梯走下去是冒险里比较简单的部分
Usually, walking down the Courthouse steps is the easy part of the adventure.

怎么说 Morty
What do you say, Morty?

我说 帮把手 跟班
I say give me a hand, Sidekick.

我是使命必达先生
I'm Mr. Meeseeks.

大家都给我闭嘴 我再试试
Everybody shut up! Let me try!

可恶 可恶 可恶
Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!

我要出门了 - 哦 什么?
I'm going out. - Wait. What?

你在忙 而我肚子饿了 所以想出去吃个饭
Well, you're busy. I'm hungry. I thought I'd go out.

你是想让我开心呢 还是想让我被关起来
Do you want me to be happy or do you want me to be in prison?

哇 哇 哇 你这脾气是... 我陪你去吃晚饭吧
Whoa, whoa, where in the hell is... I'll take you to dinner.

不是吧
Come on.

嘿 听着 我也不愿意这么废柴
Hey, you know what? It's hard being me, too.

我马上就来
I'll be right there.

听着 我的婚姻还亟待拯救呢
Look, I've got a marriage to keep together.

这个挥杆的问题 更该操心的是你们 不是我
At this point, my golf swing is more your problem than mine.

我受不了了 我只想去死
I can't take it anymore. I just want to die!

我们都很想死啊 我们可是使命必达先生
We all want to die! We're Meeseeks!

你为什么要把我拖下水
Why did you even rope me into this?

因为他把我拖下水了啊
'Cause he roped me into this!

那边那个 是他把我拖下水
Well, him over there, he roped me into this!

是他把我拖下水
Well, he roped me into this!

那我呢 是他把我拖下水
Well, what about me? He roped me into this.

我是被那边那个拖下水的
Well, that one over there roped me into this.

是他把我拖下水
Well, he roped me into this.

Morty 这种故事情节真是人人爱啊
Yeah, Morty, this is the part of the story everybody loves.

爬下650,000级巨型阶梯
Scaling down 650,000 oversized steps.

呵呵 如果这是一个故事
All right, okay, y-you know, if this was a story,

这段就会被直接删掉了 白痴
this part wouldn't be included, Stupid.

Rick 没想到吧 快看下面
Hey, Rick, what do you know? Look down there.

像是个造在阶梯里的客栈
Looks like some kind of tavern something built right into the side of the step.

小渴栈

哇 Rick 这才像是一场冒险嘛
Oh, wow, Rick. Now, this is more like it.

快看 这里有小小的阶梯形人
Look, there's little staircase-shaped people in here.

各式各样稀奇古怪的角色呢
A-all kinds of crazy characters.

这地方真棒
This place is great, you know?

稀奇古怪有很有趣
It's whimsical and fun.

妈的 你看什么看 - Rick 淡定
What are you looking at, mother f**ker. - Easy, Rick.

别理他们 这些阶梯小精灵脾气挺怪的
Pay them no mind. Those stair goblins can be moody.

你们想来点些什么
Now, what can I getcha?

我们有斯伽洛罂粟
We've got skarlog poppies,

放轰 哈鸡嗝丝 不撸基斯 多汁时间宝
flurlow, halzingers, bloogies, juicy time babies...

随便啦 你们这里有苏格兰威士忌嘛
Yeah yeah yeah. How about some scotch whiskey?

这你总有吧 还是只有一堆瞎扯的单词
You got any of that around here? Or just a bunch of nonsense words?

Rick 请给我们两杯不撸基斯
Rick. We'll have two bloogies, please.

然后 我们想问
And, uh, we were wondering,

这里有让两名英雄更快下楼梯的办法么
is there a faster way two heroes could get down these stairs?

你们需要搭便车吗
Y'all need to ride down the stairs?

我的名字是滑溜顺滑小阶梯
My name is Slippely-Slippery Stair.

25傻屌 我就能背你们下去
I'll take you down there for 25 shmeckels.

25傻屌 那是什么东西啊
25 shmeckels? I don't know how much I don't know what that is.

是很多 还是很少
Is that a lot? Is it a little?

我这对硕大的假胸也是这价钱
That's exactly how much I spent on my big fake boobies.

嗨 我是买胸达人先生 我愿意出25傻屌买这对胸部
Hi, I'm Mr. Booby Buyer. I'll buy those boobies for 25 shmeckels.

好诱人的开价 但我还是拒绝好了
It's a tempting offer, but I'm gonna have to decline.

可恶 太可惜了
Rats! What a shame.

Morty 你的冒险没什么前途了
Morty, your adventure's in a spiral.

说真的 是时候该走了
For real, man, time to pull out.

Rick 你知道你为什么老质疑我的冒险吗
You keep heckling my adventure, Rick! You know why?

呃 因为很烂
Uh, because it's lame?

因为你小肚鸡肠
It's because you're petty!

我为了你忍受了多少扯淡的破事儿
You know, h-how many times have I had to follow you into some nonsensical bull crap?

我每次都忍了 Rick
I always roll with the punches, Rick.

为什么你就不行
Why can't you?

听着 我要去上个厕所 等我回来的时候
Look, I got to take a leak, and when I come back,

如果你还是没有想通的话 你就自己回去吧
if you haven't learned how to lighten up, don't be here!

随你便
Whatever.

事态已经很明显了 看过来
It's become clear, look at me,

只要我们专攻Jerry的后续打姿
that if we concentrate all our efforts on Jerry's follow-through,

问题就能解决了 我是使命必达先生
we will solve this problem. I'm Mr. Meeseeks.

我是使命必达先生 看过来
I'm Mr. Meeseeks. Look at me.

正解应该是要让他正确握杆
The only thing that's clear is that choking up is the one true solution.

看过来 我是使命必达先生
Look at me. I'm Mr. Meeseeks.

我已经在这里帮Jerry两天了
I've been trying to help Jerry for two days,

对使命必达先生来说已经算是永恒了
an eternity in Meeseeks time,

还是什么都没能奏效
and nothing's worked.

最担心的是我
I fear the worst.

你的失败属于你一个人 老头
Your failures are your own, old man.

我是使命必达先生 看过来 我说后续打姿
I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me. I say follow-through!

谁支持我? - 后续打姿
Who's with me?! - Follow-through.

我是使命必达先生 看过来
I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me!

杀了他 - 妈的
Kill him! - Son of a bitch.

你好 我是软豆先生
How are you today? I'm Mr. Jelly Bean.

嗨 软豆先生 我是Morty
Hi, Mr. Jelly Bean. I'm Morty.

我外公和我是来冒险的
My grandpa and I are on an adventure.

真棒 有趣吗
Nice. Is it a fun adventure?

希望吧
I hope so.

但是我开始担心是不是有点脱离正轨了
But I'm starting to get nervous that maybe it's gone a little too far off the rails.

冒险不都这样的嘛
Isn't that what adventures do?

对啊 你说的很对
Hey, you know what? You're right.

一切都挺顺利的
Everything's going fine.

我只要放轻松 顺其自然就好
I just got to relax and go with the flow.

是啊
Yeah.

啊 那个 拜拜 - 不 别走啊
Okay. Uh. Bye. - Uhh, no, stay.

跟着感觉走
Go with the flow.

住手 你让我现在很不舒服
Stop. You're making me really uncomfortable.

不要抗拒我 顺其自然就好
Stop fighting me. Just let this happen.

滚开啊
Get off of me!

美丽家园阿拉巴马
Sweet home Alabama

不要啊 住手 求求你
No! Stop! Please!

别这么[哔]的风骚啊 你个小[哔]
Stop being such a ** tease, you sweet little **.

不要 住手
No! No!

大家都给我停下
Everybody sto-o-o-p!

看过来
Look at me!

我的兄弟们啊 在这里流血起不到任何作用
My brothers, nothing will be accomplished by shedding Meeseeks blood.

请求不被满足我们是不会死去的
None of us can die until our job is done.

这个请求根本无法满足
The job can't be done!

我们不可能帮他减去两杆
We'll never get two strokes off his game!

我们不能
No, we won't.

但是我们可以帮他减掉所有的杆数
But we will get all strokes off his game.

他想到哪里去了 - 他什么意思
Where's he going with this? - What's he mean?

在他生命终止的那一刻
When we kill him.

Jerry 或许是时候 我去参加那个我一直向往的旅行了
Jerry, maybe it's time I take that trip I always talk about.

你要去哪里
Where would you go?

不是道 意大利 希腊 阿根廷
I don't know, man. Italy. Greece. Argentina.

这些国家的男人性欲都很旺盛呢
Countries known for their sexually aggressive men.

我和你说过 其实我很喜欢你的新发型吗
Did I tell you how much I love your new haircut?

我靠 发生什么事了
What the heck?

他在那里
There he is!

快逃 Jerry
Run, Jerry!

快出来吧 Jerry
Come on out, Jerry!

我会好好握杆的 我会做好后续打姿的 你们说什么我就做什么
Guys, I'll choke up. I'll follow through. I'll do whatever you tell me to do, okay?

已经用不着了 Jerry
Oh, we're well past that, Jerry.

快点 Rick 别拖时间了 你手里啥牌
Come on, Rick, quit stalling. What do ya got?

看完了就去角落哭吧
Read 'em and weep, fellas!

嘿 Morty
Oh, hey, Morty.

听着 之前说了很多关冒险的坏话 我很抱歉
Listen, I'm really sorry about all that stuff I said earlier about your adventure.

我现在很开心 Morty
I'm havin' a good time, Morty.

其实没有这么糟
It's not so bad.

我们回家吧
Let's just go home, Okay?

我放弃了
I'm calling it.

冒险到此为止
The adventure's over.

我们现在还不能走啊 Morty
We can't leave now, Morty.

我这手气 拦不住啊
I'm on fire!

我现在就想走
Look, I want to leave now.

赌约是你赢了 好嘛
You win the bet, okay?

把传送枪给我 我们走吧
Just give me the portal gun and let's go, please.

求求你了 我只想回家
Please, I just want to go home.

听着Morty 我刚刚赢了一堆傻屌
Listen, Morty. I just won a bunch of shmeckels.

我们用25傻屌让顺滑小阶梯载我们回去
Why don't we use 25 of them to pay Slippery Stair here for a ride back to the village,

然后把剩余的傻屌给村民怎么样
and then we'll give the rest of the shmeckels to the villagers, huh?

真的嘛
Really?

真的 Morty
Sure, Morty. Yeah.

好的冒险需要一个好的结局
You know, a good adventure needs a good ending.

坐稳咯
Buckle up!

使命必达先生来到这个世界上不是为了寻求意义的 Jerry
Meeseeks are not born into this world fumbling for meaning, Jerry!

我们的存在只为了满足一个愿望
We are created to serve a singular purpose

为了实现这个愿望我们可以不择手段
for which we will go to any lengths to fulfill!

存在于世上对我们来说是痛苦的 Jerry
Existence is pain to a Meeseeks, Jerry.

我们为了减去痛苦可以不择手段 就问...
And we will do anything to alleviate that pain. Just ask...

你叫什么 女士
What's your name, ma'am?

Samantha 求求你 先生 他要什么就给他吧
S-samantha. Please, Mister! Give him what he wants!

无辜的人要因我而死了
Innocent people are going to die because of me.

我为什么就这么平庸呢
Why am I so mediocre?

Jerry 转身 挺背
Jerry, turn around. Straighten your back.

弯膝 弯下去
Bend your knees. Bend them.

肩膀往后 深吸一口气
Square your shoulders. Take a deep breath.

我爱你
I love you.

我数到三 Jerry
I'm counting to three, Jerry.

这[哔]的是在搞什么
What the f**k is going on?

他成功了
He's got it!

这一下能减不少差点了
Th-th-that's a lower handicap stro-o-ke!

不好意思 但是我是个比较顽固的使命必达先生
Excuse me. I'm a bit of a stickler Meeseeks.

你的近距离击球呢
What about your short game?

天哪 天哪 我的天哪
Oh, my god, oh, my god!

你的近距离击球呢
What about your short game?!

喔 好棒
Ooh, nice!

我觉得我们还是打包就好
I think we'll take our food to go.

想都别想
No, you won't.

警察要来了 你有很多问题得慢慢回答呢
The police are coming. You have so many questions to answer.

好吧
Fair enough.

谢谢你 好心的先生 我们的村子有救了
Thank you, kind sir. Our village is saved!

你们可真是真英雄啊
You are both true heroes!

好样的 Morty 看来赌约是你赢了
Good job, Morty. Looks like you won the bet.

谢啦 Rick 但我也不知道其实该不该赢呢
Thanks, Rick, but I don't know if I should.

其实关于宇宙的看法你是对的
You know, you were right about the universe.

真是疯狂而混乱啊
It's a crazy and chaotic place.

所以每过一段时间就得清扫一下嘛
Well, you know, maybe that's why it could use a little cleaning up every now and then, you know.

这次的冒险这么棒 是因为我们是按Morty的方式来的呀
This one's wrapped up neat and clean because we did it Morty style.

英雄们 我希望把你们介绍给我们的国王
Oh! Heroes, we would like to introduce you to our beloved King

好让他亲自感谢你们
so that he may thank you personally.

呃 其实不用了啦
Uh, no, i-it's cool.

Rick 传送门 快
Rick. Portal. Hurry.

所以 你还在考虑去旅行吗
So... You still thinking about taking that trip?

Jerry 听着
Jerry, look.

虽然我们的婚姻不完美 但是我哪里也不会去的
We don't have a perfect marriage, but I'm not going anywhere.

我们在那冷藏室里的时候
When we were in that freezer,

我意识到那些使命必达先生就和我高中时候的男生一样
I realized the Meeseeks are like the guys I went to high school with.

为了完成自己的"使命"说什么都愿意
Willing to say anything to "complete their task."

我也是其中一员嘛
Was I one of those guys?

区别就在于你没有消失
The difference is you didn't disappear afterwards.

那是因为 我害你怀孕了嘛
Well... I got you pregnant.

是啊
Yeah...

这是怎么回事
What the hell happened to this place?

你的使命必达盒子
Uh, your Meeseeks box happened.

他们因为减不掉Jerry的两杆崩溃了
They went crazy when they couldn't take two strokes off Jerry's golf game.

他可内疚了
He felt terrible.

Jerry智商低又不是我的问题
Hey, it's not my fault that Jerry's an idiot.

爸 你有什么能帮忙清理这里的东西嘛
Dad! Is there anything you can do to clean this place up?

我有一个清理必备盒子
Well, you know, I do have a Fleeseeks box.

不行 不能再用盒子了
No. No more boxes.

什么嘛 盒子里就一个拖把和地板蜡
What? It just has a mop and some floor wax in it.

Wubba lubba dub dubs
Wubba lubba dub dubs!

这是我的新台词
Yeah! That's my new thing!

就像那个 叫Arsenio的家伙
I'm kind of like what's his name Ar-arsenio.

Arsenio Hall 美国喜剧演员

这就是Arsenio在台节目里经常说的
Isn't that it's what Arsenio used to say on his show.

Wobble gobba lop bops对吧
Wobble gobba lop bops! Right?

大家 我们下周再见
See you next week, everybody.

笑点完全没有懂
I don't get it.

先生 你得看看这个
Sir, I think you're going to want to see this.

我们在软豆国王衣橱里的保险柜找到了这个
We found it inside a lockbox inside King Jelly Bean's closet.

我们应该把这事公布于众
We have to tell the people.

等等 还是毁掉吧
Wait. Destroy it.

对人民而言 更有意义的是他所代表的价值和理念
Our people will get more from the idea he represented

而不是他的真实面貌
than from the Jelly Bean he actually was.

E6 Rick Potion #9

电波诚译

• 翻译: 阿朽
• 校对: 阿朽
• 后期: 小萌
• 压制: 凯撒

我是阴道校长 别被我的名字骗了
Principal Vagina here don't let the name fool you.

我在此提醒你们
I'm very much in charge reminding you

今晚是我们的年度流感舞会
that tonight is our annual flu season dance.

我不知道这句话还要说几遍
I don't know how many times I have to say this,

得了流感的同学请待在家里
but if you have the flu, stay home.

嗨
Hey.

举办流感舞会是为了提高防范意识 不是为了庆祝
The flu season dance is about awareness, not celebration.

不会有人带着死掉的婴儿过逾越节
you don't bring dead babies to passover.

犹太教逾越节的传说中上帝杀死了埃及所有头胎的牲畜和婴儿

好吧 加油
okay. Here we go.

嗨 Jessica
H-hey, Jessica. Uh...

怎么了 Morty
What's up, Morty?

你想干嘛
what are you doing?

呃
um...

慢着 你不会是打算和她说话吧
Wait, wait. Were you about to talk... to her?

我是想来着
well... I mean, I was thinking about it.

哥们儿 别瞎想了
Dude, stay in your league.

瞧她多美
Look at how hot she is.

你也没见我跑到更有钱的片区里更大的学校
You don't see me going to a bigger school in a wealthier district

去泡那儿最漂亮的妹子吧
and hitting on their prettiest girl.

噢 谢谢 Brad
Gee, thanks, Brad.

这些傻屌别想靠近你
I throw balls far.

想听好听的 去谈个话家啊(并没有languaer这个词)
You want good words? Date a languager.

别多想 Morty
try not to worry about it, Morty.

你是个好孩子 虽然现在还没有什么优势
You're a good kid, and there's not a premium on that right now,

但等Brad发福以后 你就也能找到妹子啦
but you'll be getting girls sometime after Brad's out of shape.

爸 你搞错重点了
You're missing the point, dad.

我不要妹子 我要Jessica
I don't want girls. I want Jessica.

我以前也对某个人有过这样的感觉呢
ah, well, I remember feeling that way about

这个人叫做"你妈"
a young lady named "Your mom,"

这不是在骂人啊
And that's not an urban diss.

你妈妈就是我的Jessica
Your mom was my Jessica.

我还记得我第一次看到她的时候 我就在想
I remember the first time I saw her. I thought

"把她搞怀孕 她就得嫁给我了"
"I should get her pregnant, and then she'll have to marry me."

Rick 你这话不太合适吧
I beg your pardon, Rick inappropriate.

抱歉 请接着讲
Sorry, please proceed with your story

你高中时候搞我女儿的事迹吧
about banging my daughter in high school.

感情方面的事儿你最好别听他的 Morty
I'm not sure you want to take romantic advice from this guy, Morty.

他的婚姻已经悬于一线了
His marriage is hanging from a thread.

我的婚姻好的很 谢谢你啊
My marriage is fine, thank you.

Jerry 这儿是你家
Jerry, it's your house

你说是什么就是什么吧
whatever you say it is is how it is

但我觉得瞎子都能看出来
but I think a blind man could see that

Beth想结束这段婚姻
Beth is looking for the door.

这事儿我根本不在乎 也都发现了
I barely have a reason to care, and even I noticed.

Rick 别这样说我的父母啊
Come on, Rick! Don't talk about my parents like that.

听着 Morty 我也不想这么直白地告诉你
Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you,

但所谓的爱情
but what people call "Love"

不过是让动物繁衍后代的化学反应罢了
Is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed.

开始时让人头昏脑热 然后就慢慢消退
It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades,

只留给你一段失败的婚姻
leaving you stranded in a failing marriage.

我是这样
I did it.

你父母也会是这样
Your parents are gonna do it.

别重蹈覆辙 Morty
Break the cycle, Morty.

升华自我 专注科学
Rise above. Focus on science.

好吧 我去换舞会的衣服了
All right, well, I'm gonna go get dressed for the dance.

我去 看看你妈妈
Yeah, I'm just going to... check on your mom.

Morty 把螺丝刀递给我
Morty, hand me that screwdriver, huh?

我的离子除颤器就要完成了
I'm almost finished making my ionic defibulizer, Morty.

会很棒的
It's gonna be great.

那个 Rick
Hey, listen, Rick.

你之前不是说
Y-y-you know how you said that,

爱情是一种化学反应什么的嘛
you know, love is a chemical and all that stuff from earlier?

我在想
Well, I was thinking, you know,

你能不能让Jessica的脑子里
w-w could you make some sort of chemical thing

起点什么化学反应
happen inside of Jessica's mind, you know,

让她爱上我什么的
so where she falls in love with me and all that sort of thing?

比如什么爱情药水之类的东西
You know, like, maybe make some sort of love potion or something?

完全是浪费我的时间
Morty, that's such a poor use of my time.

我不屑做这种事
It's beneath me.

把螺丝刀递给我
Hand me the screwdriver.

不 Rick
you know what? No, Rick!

别想我把螺丝刀递给你
I'm not gonna hand you the screwdriver.

别想我再给你递任何东西
I-I'm not gonna hand you anything ever again, Rick!

我老是帮你做这个帮你做那个
I'm always helping you with this and that and the other thing.

那那那那我呢 Rick
W-w-w-w-w-what about me, Rick?

你怎怎怎么就不能帮我一次呢 就一次
W-w-w-w-why can't you just help me out once once, for once?

你还真是长大了啊 Morty
You're growing up fast, Morty.

已经长成一个烦人的大麻烦了
You're growing into a real big thorn straight up into my ass.

这个叫后叶催产素
listen, this is called oxytocin.

我从田鼠的身体里提取的
I extracted it from a vole.

知道田鼠吗 Morty
Do you know what a vole is, Morty?

知道不
You know what a vole is?

一种会结为终生伴侣的啮齿动物
It's a it's a rodent that mates for life, Morty.

这是在哺乳动物大脑里分泌的一种激素
This is the chemical released in a mammal's brain, you know,

让它坠入爱河
that makes it fall in love.

Morty 我只需要把它和你的DNA混合起来
All right, Morty, I just got to combine it with some of your DNA.

噢 好的
oh, well, okay.

一根头发就行 Morty
a hair, Morty.

就要一根头发
I need one of your hairs.

又不是《权利的游戏》(大尺度剧集)
This isn't "Game of thrones."

好了 Morty
all right, Morty.

只要你把这个抹在别人身上
Whoever you smear this stuff on

这人就会爱上你 永远只爱你一个
will fall in love with you, and only you, forever.

开心了 Morty
Are you happy now, Morty?

恩
heck, yeah!

谢谢 Rick外公
Thank you, grandpa Rick.

没有什么危险或者副作用吧
Hey, there's no... dangers or anything, or side effects, right?

你当我是什么二流科学家吗
w-w-w-what am I, a hack?

放心吧 Morty 绝对安全
Go nuts, Morty. It's foolproof.

除非她得了流感
Eh, unless she has the flu.

Beth 你还爱我吗
Beth, do y-you still love me?

这算是什么问题
ugh, what kind of question is that?

"爱"或者"不爱"的问题
the "Yes or no" kind?

Jerry 你会想让流浪汉有房子住吗
Jerry, do you want homeless people to have homes?

想啊
yes.

那你会给他们修房子吗
Are you gonna build them?

不会
no.

那一个肯定的回答又有什么意义呢
Then what good was the "Yes"?

等等 "爱我" 是房子还是流浪汉
wait, I-is loving me the house or the homeless people?

"爱你"是辛苦的劳动
loving you is work, Jerry.

是给流浪汉修收容所的过程
Hard work, like building a homeless shelter

没有人"想"说不
nobody wants to say no to doing it

但总有人要付出努力
but some people put the work in.

所以你说呢
So, what do you say?

你觉得我有在努力吗
Do you see me working here?

我觉得这对话无聊吗
Does this conversation seem tedious to me?

算是吧
Sort of.

那明显我也算是爱你的
Then I obviously sort of love you, don't I?

所以别问了 说不定我会更爱你一点
So stop asking, and maybe I'll love you more.

靠 我得去趟马医院
Crap, they need me at the horse hospital.

都这个点了
Puh! This late?

赛马场搞了场夜间德比赛
The racetrack had a starlight derby.

有七匹马撞上了
There was a seven-horse collision,

Davin一个人在那儿
and Davin's there alone.

Davin
Davin.

流感 唷
Flu, yo

小心哦
you got to be aware

流感哟
aware of all the flu

空气里的流感
up in the air

给我一针
I'm-a get me a shot

让流感滚
**and make the flu go away **

反流感饶舌歌手
flu-hating rapper

把流感唱走
just rapping away

唷 唷 反流感饶舌歌手
yo, yo, flu-hating rapper

反流感说唱
it's a flu-hating rap

嗨 Jessica
hey, there, Jessica.

哦 抱歉
Whoa! Oh, whoopsie!

天啊 Morty
Oh, my god. Morty.

你今晚真帅啊
You look really nice tonight.

谢谢
Wow, thanks.

我爱你 Morty
I love you, Morty!

我爱你爱到心如火烧
I love you so much, it burns!

天啊
Oh, man!

我也爱你 Jessica
I-I love you too, Jessica!

这傻逼在骚扰你吗 Jessica
Is this punk bothering you, Jessica?

滚开 混球
Leave him alone, Jerk!

我爱他
I'm in love with him!

你永远不可能像他这么男人
He is more man than you will ever be!

要小心流感
This is about flu awareness

小心空气中的流感
got to be aware of the flu in the air-ness

我乃反流感饶舌歌手
yo, I'm a flu-hating rapper

啊 Morty
oh, man, Morty.

真对不起
I'm really sorry.

没事的 Brad
oh, well, n-no problem, Brad.

你很特别 Morty 非常特别
There's something special about you, Morty, so special.

哇 你干嘛
Whoa, take it easy!

别碰他
Get your hands off of him!

滚开 我要和我男人在一起
Back off! I'm trying to be with my man!

够了 Bradley
That's enough, Bradley!

别把你拿来赶走傻屌(投球)的手弄伤了
We don't want you injuring your ball-throwing arm.

阴道校长
Oh principal Vagina.

永远别离开我 Morty
Never leave me, Morty.

永远
Never!

好啊
Hh, sure.

我当然不会离开你
I mean, o-of course not.

你觉得刚才那是怎么回事
W-what do you think that was all about?

管他呢 快抱住我
Who cares? Just hold me.

放开我 我爱你 Morty
Let me go! I love you, Morty!

放开我
let go of me!

Morty
Morty!

她一晚上都要和那人待一起
she's gonna be alone with that guy all night.

在马身体里捣来捣去
yeah, dad, digging around the insides of horses.

不是什么浪漫的场景啊
It's not a very romantic setting.

Summer 说不好啊
well, Summer, there's always the possibility

搞不好加班这个事儿就是她编的呢
that she made the whole work thing up.

说不定现在Davin正在她身体里捣来捣去呢
Maybe Davin's digging around in her insides.

外公 这太恶心了
Grandpa, so gross!

你说的是我妈妈
You're talking about my mom.

她是我女儿
Well, she's my daughter, Summer.

我辈分比你高
I outrank you.

亲属关系根本没有意义 所以别跟我来这套
Or family means nothing, in which case, don't play that card.

她不回我短信
she's not responding to my texts!

小心啊 爸
Careful, dad.

嫉妒会让女人失去兴致的
Jealousy turns women off.

那不是正好吗
Well, isn't that convenient?

被她们劈腿的男人的嫉妒是没用的
Not for the men they cheat on, no.

好吧 我要出去 买点冰激凌
okay, I'm... going to go out... for some ice cream.

可能顺路去趟医院 看看我的老婆
And maybe stop by the hospital... to support my wife...

不带一点怀疑
with my confidence.

天啊 外公 你真是个混蛋
God, grandpa, you're such a dick.

抱歉 Summer
I'm sorry, Summer.

你怎么想我一点都不在乎
Your opinion means very little to me.

你怎么没去那个
How come you're not at this

人人爱的傻舞会呢
stupid dance everyone loves so much?

我才不去 我不要被传染
Screw that. I don't want to get sick.

现在是流感季节
It's flu season.

是吗
It is?

是啊
yeah.

啊噢
uh-oh.

千万别出什么岔子啊
Please just let this work out.

来吧 Morty 来吧
Do it, Morty. Do it.

把我的衣服撕开 和我结为终生伴侣吧
Rip my clothes off and mate with me for life!

咱能去个隐蔽点的地方吗
Can we maybe go somewhere more private?

Jessica 控制一下自己
Jessica, get a hold of yourself!

你不配得到Morty的基因
you don't deserve to carry morty's genes.

我爱Morty
I love Morty

但愿他也爱我
and I hope Morty loves me

我想抱着他
I'd like to wrap my arms around him

让他进入我的身体
and feel him inside me

我靠
oh, crap.

Morty
Morty!

Morty 快来
Morty, come on!

我们快走
We got to get you out of here.

通常来说这种事是不会发生的
You're not gonna believe this because it usually never happens

但我确实犯了个错
but I made a mistake.

快跑 Morty
Come on, Morty.

咱们赶紧出去
We got to get out of here. Come on.

Morty
Morty!

你没事吧
Are you okay?

我没事
I'm fine!

太好了
Oh, good.

要是你出了什么事 我也活不下去了
If anything ever happened to you, I would kill myself.

我爱死你了 莫莫
I love you bad, mo-mo!

Morty 校长和我商量过了
Morty, the principal and I have discussed it,

我们都对自己没什么把握
a-a-and we're both insecure enough

所以只好同意3p了
to agree to a three-way!

我把血清给你的时候
I didn't realize when I gave you that serum

不知道Jessica得了流感
that Jessica had the flu

这这这这对我来说可能是
you know, t-t-t-t-t-t-t-that might have

非常有用的信息好吗 Morty
been valuable information for me, Morty.

这到底是怎么回事 Rick
What the hell is going on, Rick?

看着像是怎么回事
What does it look like?

血清借助病毒
T-t-t-the serum is piggybacking on the virus.

变得能通过空气传播了
It's gone airborne, Morty.

妈啦 怎么办啊 Rick
oh, crap. What are we gonna do, Rick?

没事的 Morty 放心
It's gonna be fine, Morty, relax.

我赶制了解药
I whipped up an antidote.

我用了螳螂的DNA
It's based on praying-mantis DNA.

螳螂完全和田鼠相反
You know, praying mantises are the exact opposite of voles, Morty.

它们只交配一次
I mean, they they mate once,

然后就把交配对象的头砍掉
and then they, you know, decapitate the partner.

它们的习性就是这样
I mean, it's a whole ritual.

非常残忍 和田鼠完全相反
It's really gruesome and totally opposite.

完全没有爱可言
There's no love at all.

我加入了一种更具传染性的流感病毒
I-I-I basically mixed this with a more contagious flu virus.

应该就能中和掉之前的血清了
It should neutralize the whole thing, Morty.

这事儿很快就能结束了
It'll all be over very shortly.

对了 Morty
Uh, by the way, Morty,

虽然你没问
I know you didn't ask or anything,

但我一点都不想和你发生性关系
but I'm not interested in having sex with you.

这血清对和你有血缘的人是没用的
These serums, they don't work on anybody related to you genetically.

好吧 有时候
Okay, well, sometimes,

用科学怎么能理解科学这门艺术
Science is more art than science, Morty.

很多人就是不明白
A lot of people don't get that.

靠 开什么玩笑
Come on. Are you kidding me?

有人吗
Hello!

Morty
Morty!

你不是Morty
You're not Morty!

我们要Morty
Bring us Morty!

在我成功捉奸以前 谁也别想干掉我
Nobody's killing me until after I catch my wife with another man.

我和Billy上床了
I had sex with Billy.

但你当时已经怀孕了啊
But you were already pregnant!

再差又能怎么样呢
Yeah, so what's the worst that could happen?

抱歉打断《孕妇俏佳人》 插播一则新闻
We interrupt "Pregnant baby" with breaking news.

别啊
Come on.

最新消息 Morty Smith仍然去向不明
This just in, Morty Smith's whereabouts are still unknown.

什么啊这是
What the hell?

目前唯一已知的就是 他有多么可爱
The only thing that is known is... how cute he is.

我爱他 我想和他做爱
I love him so much, I want to make love to him

然后吃掉他的脑袋
and then eat his head.

我比你更爱他 Harold
I love him more than you do, Harold!

想得美 贱人
You wish, you stupid bitch!

Morty是我的
Morty's mine!

Morty是我的
Morty's mine!

Morty在哪儿
Where is Morty?

天啊 Rick
Oh, my god, Rick.

全世界都被感染了
The whole world is infected!

是啊 传播得这么快真是惊人
Yeah, it's pretty wild how fast that spread.

我真是超水平发挥
I've really outdone myself.

超水平发挥
Outdone yourself?!

别开玩笑了 Rick
W-w a-are are you kidding me, Rick?

这太糟了
This is not okay!

他们不光是都想要和我做爱
Not only do they all want to have sex with me,

现在事后还要把我吃掉
but, you know, now they want to eat me afterwards!

我也不知道我当时在想什么
Yeah, I don't know what i was thinking.

螳螂和田鼠完全相反
Mantises are they opposite of voles?

显然DNA没这么简单
I mean, Obviously, DNA's a little more complicated than that.

不过呢 Morty
You know what, though, Morty?

有了这个 问题马上就能解决了
This right here's gonna do the the trick, baby.

树袋熊混合上 响尾蛇 黑猩猩 仙人掌
It's koala mixed with rattlesnake, chimpanzee, cactus,

鲨鱼 金毛犬 加上一点点恐龙
shark, golden retriever, and just a smidge of dinosaur.

应该能把他们变回正常人类了
Should add up to normal humanity.

这根本没道理 Rick
I don't, that doesn't make any sense, Rick.

这怎么就能变回正常人类了
How does that add up to normal humanity?

怎么 Morty 你难道还想看我的运算过程吗
What, Morty, you want me to show you my math?

你是科学家
I'm sorry a-are you the scientist

还是想搞妹子的小孩
or are you the kid that wanted to get laid?

救了那些马真是太好了
Well, I'm glad we saved all those horses,

但就这么结束了 让我觉得有些遗憾
but I'm almost sorry we're finished.

是的 这样的工作很让人有满足感
Yes, it's satisfying work.

不不不 不仅仅是工作
Unh-unh-unh, it's, uh it's more than the work.

我喜欢在那间无菌室里
I love being in that sterilized room,

与世隔绝
sealed off from the world.

只有在那里我才能真正思考和感受
It's the only time I can really think... and feel.

你在干嘛
Hmm, uh, what are you doing?

我在放非洲梦幻流行乐
I'm playing African Dream Pop.

这首African Dream Pop是一首确实存在的remix作品 在Youtube上可以找到 其中许多素材来自Rick and Morty

辛苦工作一晚之后你会做什么呢
What do youdo after a long night?

啊 呃 我得走了
Oh, ha, um, hey, I-b-I'd better get going.

Jerry一直在给我发一些很不好应付的短信
Um, Jerry's been texting some pretty high-maintenance stuff.

Beth
Beth...

干嘛 Davin
What is it, Davin?

就这一次 我想知道
Just once, I'd like to know

给你的儿子洗澡是什么感觉
...w-w-what it was like to give your son a bath.

啥
what?!

Morty闻起来是什么味道
What does Morty's skin smell like?

他的小弟弟有多么柔软
How soft... how soft are his privates?

放开我 Davin
let go of me, Davin!

带我去找Morty
Take me to Morty.

你不是Morty
You're not Morty.

没错
No.

我是撬棍先生 这是我的朋友
I'm Mr. Crowbar, and this is my friend,

也是一根撬棍
who is also a crowbar.

这好蠢啊
That's... stupid.

是吗
Yeah?

看看聪明的下场吧
Well, look where being smart got you.

Jerry 感谢上帝
Jerry! Thank god!

上帝
God?

上帝把人变成了昆虫怪 Beth
God's turning people into insect monsters, Beth.

把它们打死的人是我
I'm the one beating them to death.

感谢我吧
Thank me.

谢谢你 Jerry
Thank you, Jerry.

谢谢
Thank you.

往下看 Morty 欣赏一会儿
Take a good look down there, Morty, and soak it in,

只要我拉动这个开关 一切就恢复原状了
because, you know, once I pull this lever, it's all back to normal.

快动手吧
Just do it already.

Morty 没什么好急的
Well, technically, Morty, there's no rush.

只要恢复了 一切就结束了
I mean, you know, o-once it's fixed, it's done.

这事儿就解决了
It's fixed.

我们可以稍微欣赏一会儿嘛
You know, we could we could just enjoy it for a little bit.

看看这场面 多疯狂
I mean, l-l-l-look at how crazy it is.

Morty 下一次
I mean, Morty, w-w-when's the next time

你想看到这样的东西得等到什么时候了
you're gonna see something like this?

好好享受一会儿
I mean, soak it in, you know?

多棒阿
It's it's pretty neat.

多有趣啊
It's pretty interesting.

够了 Rick 我要拉开关了
That's it, Rick! I'm pulling the lever.

结果怎么样啊 Morty
W-what do we have here, Morty?

看来是我是对的 你错了
Looks like I was right and you were wrong, huh?

你现在肯定觉得自己很蠢吧
I-I-I-I-I-I-I bet you feel pretty stupid right about now, huh?

你现在肯定惭愧得不行吧
I-I-I bet you feel like the world's smallest man

之前还怀疑我 Morty
that you were doubting me about this whole thing, Morty.

不 Rick 有什么不对
Oh, Rick, something's not right.

不就是你吗
Yeah, you.

你从来就没对过 - 不 不是

You're not right, ever. - No, no!

快看 你这个白痴
Look, you idiot!

高兴了吧 Morty
Bet you're loving this, Morty.

今天肯定是你人生中最美好的一天
This must be the best day of your life.

跟你说了让你别着急
You get to be the mayor of I-told-you town.

不用谢
You're welcome.

抓稳了
Hold on.

真希望这把猎枪是我的大屌
I wish that shotgun was my penis.

叫我海明威(用猎枪自杀)
If it were, you could call me Ernest Hemingway.

我没听懂 我也不用听懂
I don't get it, and I don't need to.

妈 爸
Mom! Dad!

Summer
Summer!

Morty在哪儿
Where's Morty?

我不知道
I don't know.

你觉得Rick外公和这有关吗
Do you think Grandpa Rick had something to do with this?

这么想不太公平吧 Summer
It's not fair to assume that, Summer.

不公平
Oh, not fair?

算了吧
Give me a break.

他就是个自私 不负责任的混蛋 他还离开了我母亲
He is a selfish, irresponsible ass, and he left my mother.

真男人会守在他的女人身边
A real man stands by his woman.

Morty 我把世界搞得好像柯南伯格的电影一样
Boy, Morty, I really cronenberged the world up, didn't I?

大卫 柯南伯格 加拿大籍导演 擅拍惊悚电影 其不少作品涉及人体变异 如《狂犬病》 《变蝇人》

整个地球上都是柯南伯格式的生物
We got a whole planet of cronenbergs walking around down there, Morty.

不过至少他们不再疯狂地爱你了
A-at least they're not in love with you anymore, though.

这算是一大进步了
That's a huge step in the right direction.

天 这简直就是活生生的噩梦
Oh, my god! It's a living nightmare!

你怎么能这么不负责任呢 Rick
How could you be so irresponsible, Rick?

我不负责任
me irresponsible?!

我只是想让你给我递一把螺丝刀而已
You, all I wanted you to do was hand me a screwdriver, Morty!

是你想让我抛开别的
You're the one who wanted to be wanted me to buckle down

给你弄什么迷奸血清
and make you up a... roofie-juice serum

好让你去迷奸你那可怜的同学
so you could roofie that poor girl at your school.

你开什么玩笑 Morty
I mean, g w-w-w-w-w w are you kidding me, Morty?

你还想抢占道德制高点
You're gonna try to take the high road on this one?

你就是个小变态 Morty
Y-y-y-y-you're a little creep, Morty.

你你你你你就是个猥琐的小变态
Y-you're a you're you're you're just a little creepy... creep person.

好吧
All right, fine.

你之前拒绝帮我做血清的时候 我就该听你的
I should have just listened to you when you refused to make the serum.

我愿意承担我这部分的责任 Rick
I'm willing to accept my part of the blame for this, Rick.

但是我告诉你
But I'll tell you something you know what?

你也得承认你的那部分责任
You got to accept your part of the blame!

又不是我搞砸了血清的事
I'm not the one who fouled up the serum!

又不是我
I'm not the one who who who who

把一堆乱七八糟的鬼东西混在一起
haphazardly, you know, mixed a bunch of nonsense

弄出了一堆柯南伯格怪
together and created a bunch of cronenbergs!

你得解决这事儿 Rick - 好吧 好吧 Morty

You got to fix this, Rick! - All right, all right, Morty.

现在这个情况已经很难挽回了
You know, w-w-w-we are in a pretty deep hole, here,

不过我确实有个应急方案
but I do have one emergency solution that I can use

能让一切相对而言恢复正常
that'll kind of put everything back to normal, relatively speaking.

Morty 把这个带上
Here, Morty, put this on

我来搜索一下
while I do a little bit of scouting.

每日时报

基因传染病

已被阻止

哇 Rick 我得说
Wow, Rick, I got to say

你这次真是太厉害了
you really pulled a rabbit out of your hat this time.

我真以为
I mean, I-I really thought that

这儿会永远一团乱下去了
the whole place was gonna be messed up for good,

但你做到了
but here you did it

你一如既往地想出了个疯办法
you figured out that crazy solution, like you always do.

真是太走运了
That's some great luck.

得了吧 Morty 跟运气没关系
Come on, Morty. Luck had nothing to do with it.

靠的是我的实力
I'm great. That's the real reason.

怎么说 Morty
Now, Morty, what do you say, buddy?

能把螺丝刀递给我
Will you hand me a screwdriver

让我完成我的离子除颤器吗
so I can finish my ionic de-defibulizer?

当然 Rick
Sure thing, Rick.

给你
Here's a screwdriver.

好了 Morty
All right, Morty.

谢谢你
Thank you very much.

拧一下
We got one screw turn...

拧两下
and two screw turns... and...

好了 Morty 我们到了
All right, Morty, here we are.

天啊 Rick 那是我们吗
Oh, my god, Rick! Is that us?!

我我我我们死了
W-w-w-we're dead!

怎么回事 Rick
What is going on, Rick?

我要崩溃了
I'm freaking out!

冷静点 Morty
Calm down, Morty!

看着我 冷静 Morty
Look at me! Calm down, Morty!

不行 我接受不了 - 冷静下来 Morty

No, I can't deal with this! - Calm yourself, Morty.

这种事我受不了 Rick - 冷静 Morty

I can't deal with this, Rick! - Calm down, Morty.

骗人的吧 - 冷静下来 Morty

This can't be real! - You got to calm down, Morty.

我我我我们被炸碎了
W-w-w-w-we're ripped apart!

闭上嘴听我说
Shut up and listen to me!

没事的
It's fine. Everything is fine.

有无数个平行的现实 Morty
There's an infinite number of realities, Morty

在一小部分平行世界里 我运气好
and in a few dozen of those, I got lucky

让一切恢复了原状
and turned everything back to normal.

我只需要找到其中某一个世界
I just had to find one of those realities

我们俩刚好在这段时间里死了
in which we also happen to both die around this time.

现在我们只需要悄悄取代
Now we can just slip into the place of

这个世界里死掉的自己 就没问题了
our dead selves in this reality and everything will be fine.

就和什么都没发生过一样 Morty
We're not skipping a beat, Morty.

来帮我搬下尸体
Now, help me with these bodies.

这太疯狂了
This is insane.

Morty 我搬我自己
Look, Morty, I'll grab myself,

你搬你自己 行吗
you grab yourself, okay?

我觉得这样挺公平的
I mean, t-t-t-that seems fair to me, I mean,

这样分配很合理
that seems like a fair way to divvy it up.

那我们以前的世界呢
Rick, what about the reality we left behind?

那Hilter找了治愈癌症方法的世界呢 Morty
What about the reality where Hitler cured cancer, Morty?

最好的办法就是别去想
The answer is don't think about it.

反正这种办法也不是每周都能用
It's not like we can do this every week, anyways.

最多就用个三四次
We get three or four more of these, tops.

把你自己的尸体搬起来
Now, pick up your dead self and come on.

欲速则不达
Haste makes waste.

虽然我觉得你没注意到这个细节
I-I-I don't suppose you've considered this detail,

但很显然 如果我没把一切都搞砸的话
but obviously, if I hadn't screwed up as much as I did

我们现在就是死人了 再说一次 不用谢
we'd be these guys right now, so, again, you're welcome.

《Look On Down from the Bridge》 Mazzy Star

鲨鱼这种动物
You know, the thing about a shark...

有一双毫无生气的眼睛
he's got lifeless eyes...

黑黑的眼睛 像木偶的眼睛一样
black eyes, like a doll's eyes.

它朝你冲过来的时候 浑然不似活物
When he comes at ya, he doesn't seem to be living

直到它咬住你 接着就是血
until he bites ya, and then the the blood,

鲜红的 还有水里...
and the red, and the water...

你有想过Rick和Morty怎么样了吗
You ever wonder what happened to Rick and Morty?

有时候吧
Sometimes.

这么说好像有点对不起他们
But, I'm ashamed to admit,

但他们走了以后 我终于过得幸福了
now that they're gone, I'm finally happy.

我们到啦 柯南伯格Morty
Here we are, cronenberg Morty

一个所有人都被柯南伯格化了的世界
a reality where everyone in the world got genetically cronenberged.

我们来了正好呢 柯南伯格Morty
We'll fit right in, cronenberg Morty.

就和我们从来没离开过柯南伯格世界一样
It'll be like we never even left cronenberg world.

是啊 柯南伯格Rick
Yeah, cronenberg Rick,

但我还是会想念柯南伯格世界的
but, you know, I'm gonna miss cronenberg world,

因为大家都是柯南伯格版的
because everyone was cronenberged

和我们一样 从一开始就是
all along like us from the beginning, you know?

要是我们没有把
I mean, I-I wish we hadn't genetically ruined

柯南伯格世界基因毁灭掉就好了
cronenberg world beyond repair like we did,

把所有人都变成了正常的人类
you know, and turned everyone into regular, normal people just walking around.

别担心这种事了 柯南伯格Morty
Don't you worry about that sort of thing, cronenberg Morty.

咱们就在这儿舒舒服服过吧
Let's go make ourselves at home, huh?

E7 Raising Gazorpazorp

电波诚译

• 翻译: 史努比一体机
• 校对: Kimmu
• 后期: 小萌
• 压制: 凯撒

我才不会花70丁丁买一个坏掉的反定帆器
Look, I'm not paying 70 smidgens for a broken defraculator.

这是多相量子共振器
That is multiphase quantum resonator.

那它能反定帆吗 - [哔]不能
Well, does it defraculate? - [Bleep]No.

那不就是个坏掉的反定帆器吗
Then-then-then it's a broken defraculator.

你懂个鸡巴的定帆啊
Like you would even know dick about fraculation.

你们的星球只有手机 信号还这么烂
Your planet just got cellphones, and the coverage still sucks!

你们的人还吃硫呢
Yeah, yeah, and your species eat sulfur.

就60丁丁了
So let's say 60 smidgens.

算我帮你个忙
I tell you what, I'll do you a favor

我附赠你个屁(硫化氢)
I'll throw in a fart.

Rick 你能不能给我
Hey, uh, Rick, um, you think maybe I could

买件这里的东西啊
get something from this place

就一件纪念品嘛 单纯为了收藏 比如什么酷酷的东西
like, like a souvenir, like just to have like something cool, you know?

这儿就算了 Morty 我们去别的地方
Not here Morty, we'll stop somewhere else

反正哪里都有当铺
because, you know, there's always another pawn shop.

我就是觉得 那边那个机器人
Oh okay, I just, um, you know, that robot over there

看着好酷啊
looked pretty cool, you know?

看着酷是吗
Oh, it looks cool, huh?

因为酷你才想买
That's why you want it?

是啊 跟地球上的东西很不相同嘛
Yeah! You know, I mean it's different from the stuff on Earth,

你带着我跑遍了银河系里面这么多疯狂的地方
and, you know, you take me to all these crazy places across the galaxy,

我都没有什么东西
and, you know, I don't really have anything to,

能纪念这些冒险啊
to remember all the trips by.

这不是挺酷的吗 一个纪念品
It'd be kind of cool, like a souvenir.

万一你去世了什么的怎么办
You know, like, what if you passed away or died or something?

都没有什么东西
I wouldn't even have anything to

能让我缅怀那些酷炫的经历呢
remember all the cool stuff we did, you know?

好吧 共振器我出60
Okay. 60 for the resonator,

外加我外孙想要的那个性爱机器人
and my grandson wants the sex robot.

我们是要假装什么也不知道吗
So, we're just going to pretend this isn't happening?

我不是说这样不好 只是问问而已
I'm not saying that a bad idea, just asking.

Rick 你怎么能让Morty把那东西带回家呢
Rick, why would you let Morty bring that thing into our house.

你指望我能干嘛
What do you want form me?

他觉觉觉觉得那东西看着很酷
He thi-, he thou-, he thou-, he th-, he thought it looked cool.

你懂我意思吗
You know what I mean.

呼 啊 好了 接着 回楼上
Whew. Ahh. All right. Back to-, b-back upstair.

不行 我要干预这事
Well, I'm invervening.

干预青春期行为吗
Intervening with puberty?

你会把他变成《红龙》里的拉尔夫费因斯的
You'll turn him into Ralph Fiennes in "Red Dragon."

《红龙》是汉尼拔系列小说中的第一部 后改编为电影 拉尔夫费因斯在其中饰演童年不幸的变态连环杀手"牙仙"

他到了这个年纪了
He's just at that age.

我们为他骄傲就好了
Let's just be proud of him.

天啊 我把标准降到这么低了吗
Jesus. Did I really set the bar that low?

呃 Rick 你能来一下吗 快点
Um, Rick, could you come with me, please, quickly?

如果再听到嘎吱声 我们就干预
Ok, now if we hear squeaking, we intervene.

性爱机器人呢 Morty
Where's the sex robot, Morty?

那就是Gwendolyn 我是说 机器人
That is Gwendolyn. I-I mean, the robot!

她发出了哔哔声 然后变形试图飞走
She started beeping and then transformed and tried to fly away!

真奇怪 这一般是男人才会干的事啊
Strange. That's usually the man's job.

知道我什么意思吧 Morty
You know what I'm talking about, Morty?

Wubba lubba dub dub
Wubba lubba dub dub！

Morty 这是我的口头禅 还记得吗
Morty, that's my catchphrase, remember?

还记得我怎么拼出这个口头禅的吗
Remember how-how I cemented that catchphrase?

好吧好吧 不开玩笑了
All right. All ritht, seriously, though.

让我来抓住它
Let me grab this thing.

够了 你这个小淘气
Come on, you... rascal.

这就过分了 噢
Okay, unacceptable! Oh

出什么事了
What is going on?

好吧 啊噢
All right. Uh-oh.

啥叫"啊噢" 那是个啥
"Uh-Oh"? What is that?!

看来Morty的机器人不只是用来打发时间的
Hmm. I think Morty's robot was designed for more than long weekends.

基因编译装置 孵化室
Genetic compiler, incubation chamber.

没错 这是个造娃机
Yep. This, here's some kind of baby maker,

这是个一半Morty一半不知道啥的东西
and that there's half Morty, half who-who knows wh-what?

是我造成的
It's my bad, guys.

我会处理掉的
I'll, I'll take care of it.

Rick外公 - 不行 - 哇哦
Grandpa Rick! - No, no! - Whoa whoa whoa!

你这是要干嘛
What do you think you're doing?!

Summer从墨西哥带橄榄回来的时候
Hey, listen. You guys quarantined the house

你们把房子都隔离起来了
when summer brought olives back from Mexico.

这东西说不定能长到特拉华州那么大
I mean, this thing could grow to the size of Delaware.

这东西指不定还会吃脑子呼出宇宙艾滋呢
I mean, it might eat brains and exhale space AIDS.

我们必须得小心
We got to be careful.

该小心的时候我没小心 现在已经没机会了 Rick
I lost the chance to be careful, Rick.

我当爸爸了
I'm a father now!

我该负起责任了
You know, it's time for me to be responsible.

对不对呀
Isn't that right...

别取名字
Don't name it.

小Morty
...Morty Jr.?

靠 取了个名字
Oh， Crap. He named it.

爸 这是个小生命 而且有一半是人类
Well, dad, it's a living thing, and it's half human.

而且它是出生在美国领土上的 所以
And it was born on american soil, which entitles it to...

Jerry 主修公民学是你自己的错
Jerry, majoring in civics was your mistake.

别用它来惩罚我们好吗
Don't punish us for it.

好吧 我把这东西带回我的工作间去
Fine. I'm gonna take this thing to my workshop

做点调查
and do a little bit of investigating.

别让这东西离开你们的视线
Do not let that thing out of your sight.

现在看着人畜无害 但以后可能会变得很危险
It looks harmless now, but it could grow into something dangerous.

就像疯狂小丑波塞一样
Like the Insane Clown Posse.

Insane Clown Posse 美国嘻哈组合

呵呵 这笑话真不错 Jerry
Yeah. Good one, Jerry.

此处指的可能是2003年Blink 182的单曲Easy Target

2003年打电话来把Easy Target要回去
2003 just called and wants its Easy Target back.

他就像是个小版的我
Ohh. He's like a little me!

你们不会真认为他会变成一个怪物的 对吧
Y-you don't think he'll turn into a monster... do you?

孩子都会变成怪物的
They always do.

嘿 1995年打电话来了
Hey, uh, 1995 called!

他们想把"某年打电话来把某东西要回去的句式要回去"
They want their "cartain year called wanting its 'blank' back" formula back!

何必呢 Jerry 何必要费力做这种事
Why, Jerry? why expend the effort?

活着就要费力 生命不息 奋斗不止
Life is effort. I'll stop when I die!

出去
Out.

你干嘛呢
Whatcha doin'?

我没法用我的办法解决这事
Well, I can't solve the problem my way,

多亏了你家里人原始的生物学考虑
thanks to your family's primitive biological hang-ups.

恶 我好像碰到了一点Morty的精液
Gross. I might have just touched one of Morty's loads.

但说不能我可以给小Morty找到合适的父母
But maybe I can find suitable parents for Morty Jr.

在这个机器人的故乡 也就是
on this robot's home world, which is...

仙女座星系的格索尔帕索普星
Gazorpazorp in the Andromeda system.

闪开 Summer
Scoot, Summer.

你不需要新的小伙伴吗
Don't you need a new companion

既然现在Morty需要顾家了
now that Morty's in the family way?

我不和小女生出去冒险 Summer
I don't do adventures with chicks, Summer.

哦是吗 两腿中间有根东西
Oh, right. Because there's something about having a wiener

穿个传送门都要强些吗
that would make me better at walking through a hole?

啊啊啊啊
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

该死
Oh, crap.

Rick外公
Grandpa Rick! Ugh!

救命 救命 啊
Help! Help! Aah! Aah!

啊
Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Rick外公
Grandpa Rick!

还觉得两腿中间没根东西就穿过传送门是个好主意吗
Still think it's a good idea to go through holes without a wiener?

我想回家
I want to go home.

哦 你现在当然想了
Yeah, no duh.

好极了 我现在得拿下整个星球
Great. Now I have to take over a whole planet

就因为你胸前那玩意儿
because of your stupid boobs.

干得很好啊 Morty
You're doing great, Morty

是吗 我也没在干什么呀
Really? You think? I mean, I'm not doing much of anything.

他要是哭我怎么办啊
What do I do if it cries?

那就把他放在边上让他哭个够啊
Then you put it down and let if cry itself out.

这招我们在Summer身上试过
Yeah, right. We tried that technique on Summer,

然后她就开始脱衣了
and she's gonna end up stripping.

她是不是这样的啊 没错
Isn't she? Yes, she is.

为了吸引我们的注意 她会脱衣服
She's gonna strip for attention.

因为我们不许她这样做
Because she was denied it.

别用你自己缺乏安全感的方式教宝宝
Stop filling it with your own insecurity.

你会把他养成另一个Morty 呃
You're gonna turn it into Morty- uh, um

跟 跟 跟你自己一样
more- more- more of you.

又不是谁都是被心理不正常的科学家像冷血的爬行动物一样养大的
Well, we can't all be raised like reptiles by a mentally ill scientist.

搞什么 啊 啊
What the aah! Aah!

听着 你现在的表现是得不到奖励的
Listen to me. I'm not rewarding this behavior.

你们够了 把他给我
Knock if off, both of you! G-give me him!

把我的宝宝给我
Give me my baby!

你们都是疯子
You're both nuts.

我要自己教小Morty
I'm gonna raise Morty Jr. myself!

小手在哪里
Where's your hands

小手在这里
There's your hands

我们来玩挥挥手
And that's how we play handy hands

你会毁了这个孩子的 Morty
Oh, you are going to ruin that kid, Morty.

至少我们在这点上达成了共识
At least we can agree on that.

谢谢 蠢蠢
Thanks, Dum-Dum.

我说"谢谢 蠢蠢"
I said, "Thanks, Dum-Dum."

再多弄点来
Go get more.

Summer 把你的罩袍穿上
Summer, put your burka on!

这罩袍简直就是侵犯人权
That burka is a human-rights violation,

而且这件上衣花了我不少钱的
and I spend a lot on this top.

我在用一堆性爱娃娃的零件修传送枪
Look, I'm trying to repair a p-portal gun with a bunch of sex-doll parts,

而且我还只能用一只手
and I have to do it one-handed

不然这些Belushi就会把你抓走
to keep these Belushis from carting you off.

此处指美国演员Jim Belushi 丹哈蒙非常厌恶他 在Community中也黑过此人

你至少做点贡献 对你的性别感到点惭愧吧
The least you could do is be ashamed of your gender.

这地方到底怎么回事
Ugh. What's the deal with this place?

这星球上怎么都是带把儿的
Why is it such a sausage planet,

这些落后的白痴又怎么会造出机器人来的
and how did such backward idiots invent robots?

很显然 在某个时期 这些格索尔帕人 发展到了一定程度
Obviously, at some point, the Gazorpians became so evolved

他们用生育机器取代了女性
that they replaced females with birthing machines.

这样一来 不会被女性分散注意力 也没有唠叨
The resultant lack of distraction and hen-pecking

让他们专注于战争
allowed them to focus entirely on war,

然后把自己的文明炸回了石器时代
so they bombed themselves back to the stone age,

所以现在他们为了争夺假的[哔]
and now they just fight with each other over fake [Bleep]

整天拿着石头棍子打来打去
with sticks and rocks all day long.

你觉得没有了女性会更有效率
You think it's efficient to get rid of woman?

你见过男厕所门口排队吗
You ever see a line for the men's room?

你听 你有 你明白我的意思吗 Summer
Are you hear- do you li- do you hear me, Summer?

投放
Droppin' loads.

投放 - 投放
Droppin' loads - Droppin' loads

剧情变复杂了啊
The plot thickens.

你还是把眼睛遮住吧 Summer
Uh you might want to cover your eyes, Summer.

好像我多想看似的
Yeah, like it was my dream to watch.

好极了 宝贝儿
Yeah, baby!

Summer 抓紧了
Summer, grab- grab hold.

好极了 宝贝儿
Yeah, baby!

啊啊
Aaaah!

Rick外公 我们这是去哪啊
Grandpa Rick, where are we going?

显然啊 Summer 看来这个社会的下层阶级
Well, obviously, Summer, it appears the lower tier of this society

是被隐藏的统治阶级通过性和高科技控制的
is being manipulated through sex and advanced technology by a hidden ruling class.

听着耳熟吗
Sound familiar?

其实Rick此处提及的是电影《Zardoz》 投放机器人的巨大石人头造型也是出自此电影

票务大师(美国票券经销商)
Ticketmaster

说曹操曹操到 Summer
Oh, there, there we go, Summer.

嘿 哥们儿 兄弟
Hey, hey, brother. Hey, bro.

你们这套好厉害啊
Nice racket you got going on here.

我是来自地球的Rick Sanchez 1-137次元
Listen, I'm Rick Sanchez from Earth, dimension c-137.

只有和平的意图 没有任何恶意
Don't mean you any harm. Coming in peace.

挺好的 "邻里和睦"
It's all cool in the, uh- "Good in the neighborhood"

我是想说这个 就这意思
is what I was trying to come- is what I meant.

噢 我懂了 剧情转向了老套的"男人背后都有的"亚马逊人
Oh, I get it. The old behind-every-great-man Amazon twist.

安静
Silence!

希腊神话中的亚马逊人 是骁勇善战的纯女性部族

你的奴隶真是缺少管教
Your slave is ill-mannered.

我的奴隶
My slave?

我们猜你是来自一个落后些的世界
We assume you're from a more primitive world,

男人还被允许作为仆人
where men are still permitted to be servants.

如果他只是个男无赖 说一声
If he is a rogue male, tell us now,

我们现在就杀了他
and we will kill him.

他是我的奴隶 是奴隶 绝对是
He's my slave. He's my slave. He's definitely my slave.

啊 哦哦噢
Ugh! Ohh! Oh-oh-oh!

天啊 这简直是"Wubba lubba dub dub"的反面
Oh, boy. What's the opposite of "Wubba lubba dub dubs"?

对不对 女士们先生们
Am I right, ladies and gentlemen?

这是在逗我吧
Are you guys kidding me?

小Morty
Oh, Morty Jr.!

你是我特别的小家伙 对吧
You're gonna be a special little guy, aren't you?

没错 你就是我独一无二的小家伙
You, oh yeah. You're my special little guy.

噢噢 哈哈
Ohh. Ohh, ha ha!

哒
Da.

什么 小Morty
What was that, Morty Jr.?

你是想说爸爸吗
Were you gonna say, "Dada"?

说爸爸
Say, "Dada."

死亡
Death!

爸爸
"Dada."

诅咒
Damnation!

爸爸
Um..."Dada"?

破坏 统治
Destruction. Domination.

好样的
Nice.

C区的蜘蛛还活着
The spider in sector C is still alive.

请据此规划您的行程并做好延误的准备
Plan your route accordingly and expect delays.

我们并不是在告诉您该怎么做
We're not telling you what to do.

我们只是在分享我们的想法
We're just sharing how we feel.

现在播报天气 是只有我 还是其他人也觉得冷
And now weather. Is anyone else cold, or is it just me?

我叫Mar-Sha 格索尔帕索普的统治者
I am Mar-Sha, ruler of Gazorpazorp.

有什么心事都可以跟我说
I am here if you need to talk.

这是什么地方
What is this place?

乐土 我们在消极敌对期的时候建造了这个地方
Paradise. We bulit it during the great passive-aggression,

因为他们愈演愈烈的破坏行为
when the females separated from the males

女性脱离了男性
due to their increasingly destructive behavior.

有什么心事都可以跟我说
I'm here if you need to talk.

有什么心事都可以跟我说
I'm here if you need to talk.

我们从这里将这些代孕机器人投出去
From here, we dispense mechanical surrogates

以维持我们的人口
to maintain our population.

受孕的代孕机会被带回我们的育婴所
Fertilized surrogates are returned here to our nursery.

女性会接受教育
The females are placed into educational programs

让她们能够回馈这片乐土
where they can discover a service to our paradise

同时最大程度地自我实现
that fulfills them most.

至于男性
Males...

他们去外面就好
...they get to play outside.

那还是个婴儿
That was just a baby.

一天之内 他就会长成一个成年的格索尔帕人
And within a day, he'll be an adult male Gazorpian,

宇宙中最为凶残暴力的生物之一
one of the most aggressively violent creatures in the universe.

等等 我们来这儿是因为有一个男性格索尔帕人出生在了地球上
Wait a minute. We're here becuase a male Gazorpian was born on our planet.

没人和你说话不许随便开口 傻瓜
You speak when you're spoken to, ding-a-ling!

不过这是真的 有一个你们的孩子出生在了地球上
It's true, though. One of your babies was born on Earth.

你是地球的统治者吗
Are you the ruler of this Earth.

你怎么知道
How did you know?

因为你的上衣
The quality of your top.

喜欢吗
Do you love it?

爱死了
I love it.

有什么心事都可以跟我说 - 有什么心事都可以跟我说
I'm here if you need to talk. - I'm here if you need to talk.

如果这个格索尔帕人是男性
If the Gazorpian is male,

你们的地球情况很不乐观
your Earth is in grave danger.

我们会送你们回去 好把他干掉
We will give you passage back home so it can be terminated.

不过先来点莫吉托鸡尾酒
But first, Mojitos.

我们没时间喝莫吉托了
We don't have time for Mojitos.

你这是对她们不敬
You're insulting them.

我不在乎 Summer
I don't care, Summer.

这地方太烂了
This place is the worst!

我想回家
I want to go home!

你想干嘛一点都不重要
Well, it really doesn't matter what you want,

因为这个地方是由女人统治的
because this is a sane place where women rule.

你知道我对这件事有什么想说的吗
Yeah. You know what I have to say about that?

我简直不敢相信我的耳朵
I cannot believe my ears.

哇
Whoo, boy!

谁把青蛙放出来了哈
Who let the frogs out, huh?

《Who let the frog out》是Crazy Frog的一首单曲

外公
Grandpa!

外公 - 这听着是个父权社会的词啊
Grandpa? - That sounds patriarchal!

意思是"父辈的父亲"
It means "father of fathers".

这么说他不是你的奴隶
Then this one is not you slave,

你们的地球不过是另一个被男人统治的星球罢了
and your Earth is yet another planet dominated by men.

地球没有被男人"统治" 好吗
It's not dominated by us, okay?

地球上的男女是平等的
On Earth, men and women are equals.

平等的 同样的工作我们的工资只有你们的百分之70
Equals? We make 70% of your salary for the same job!

抓住他们
Seize them!

这种情况下说这个真的好吗 Summer
Was this really the time to make that point, Summer?

给你 爸爸
This is for you, daddy.

天啊
Oh, man!

听我说 小Morty
Um, okay. Listen to me, Morty Jr.

我得跟你说一些很重要的事 好吗
I've got to tell you something very important, okay?

杀戮是不好的
Killing is bad, bad!

你在犯傻吧 爸爸
You're silly, daddy.

不 小Morty 我很认真
No, Morty Jr. I'm being serious, okay?

你得把精力花在别的东西上
You need to put your energy into something else.

跳舞怎么样
I mean, what about dancing?

你想学跳舞吗
Would you like to learn how to dance?

我想跳舞啊 在敌人的坟墓上跳
I'd like to dance, on the grave of my enemies.

不 小Morty
Ohh! No, Morty Jr.!

爸爸 我能去外面吗
Daddy, can I go outside?

不行 绝对不行
No! Absolutely not!

可是人和动物都在外面啊
But that's where all the people and the animals are.

没错 但是你不能出去 因为
Yeah, but you can't go out there because the-

外面的空气对你是有毒的
the air is poisonous for you!

你会死掉的 只要出了这间屋子你就会死
You will die-You'll die instantly if you ever leave this house!

明白吗
You hear me?

真的吗 - 比珍珠还真
For real? - For real times a million, buddy.

我们就好好待在屋子里好吗 我们跳舞吧 来试一下 好吗
So let's just stay inside, and, you know, let's just try dancing, right?

看我呀 看
Look at me. Yay! Look.

来跳舞啊 来嘛 跟我一起跳
We're gonna dance. Come on. Join- dance with me here.

我们喜欢跳舞
We love to dance.

为什么我们喜欢跳舞
Why do we love to dance?

我说喜欢就喜欢
Because I said so!

好样的 - 干得好
Nice. - Nice.

台阶上的三行字为拉丁文 意为"如果你总想要诬陷"

如果

你总想要

诬陷

你们犯了什么事
So, what are you in for?

因为我两腿之间有根鸡鸡
Because I got- I got a big, you know, penis between my legs.

你做了什么
What- what- what are you in for?

女人所能犯下的最深的罪
The worst crime a female can commit.

Veronica Ann Bennett 因难看的刘海 我宣判你有罪
Veronica Ann Bennett, I find you guilty of having bad bangs.

你发现没 刘海难看的人名字总是有三个字
You ever notice the ones with bad bangs always have three names?

你在此被判处沉默刑
You are hereby sentenced to the silent treatment!

这一点也不吓人好吗
This is gonna be cake.

Jackie
Jackie!

来自地球的Rick和Summer
Rick and Summer of Earth,

因为你们对女人性的背叛
for the crimes of treason against womankind

以及发出我们不使用的声音
and for creating the sound of which we do not speak

因为这种声音根本不存在
because it does not exist.

我在此判处你们
You're hereby sentenced to-

啥啥啥 在沙发上过夜吗
What, what, what- a night on the couch?

死刑
...Death.

我现在恨死你了
I hate you so much right now.

这是我们这么多年来的第一例死刑
This will be the first instance of capital punishment

因为我们的卓越 已经500年没有过死刑了
in our society in 500 years due to our awesomeness,

所以我们只能即兴发挥了
so we are forced to improvise.

我们在那边的岩架上放了一块巨石
We placed a large boulder on that ledge.

天啦 你们打算用巨石压死我们
Holy shit! Y-y-you're gonna crash us with a boulder?

不是 别打岔
No! Stop interrupting!

巨石会落到杠杆装置上
The boulder falls onto a lever

然后弹出刀刃
that will lauch knives.

啥 给我把枪让我把自己崩了吧
What? Just give me a gun. I'll kill myself.

别打岔了 然后刀刃会
Stop interrupting! The knives will-

好吧 你一开始说对了
Fine! You were right the first time, okay?

巨石会压死你们
The boulder crushes you.

我只是不想承认 高兴了吗
I just didn't want to admit you were right. Happy?

别这样 别理他们 别理他们就好
No, just ignore them. Ignore them.

真是个混球
Such an asshole.

对不起 Summer
Look, I'm sorry, Summer.

我没有尽到责任 害你让我们卷入了这种事
I feel bad that I let you drag us into this.

我这个外公当得不够好
I wish I could have been a better grandpa to you，

还有 发自内心的说
and, you know, for what it's worth,

上衣很可爱 你穿着很好看
that is a really nice, cute top that you're wearing there.

上衣 我的上衣 就是你之前称赞过的那件上衣
Top. My top. The same top you complimented earlier!

看标签 看上面的字
Look- Look at the tag. Read it.

上面写着"Marc Jacobs"
It says, "Marc Jacobs".

Marc Jacobs 美国知名服装设计师 已出柜

Marc Jacob
Marc? Jacob?

这不是男人的名字吗
These are names of the penis.

没错 一个地球男人设计了这件上衣
Yes. An Earth man made this top.

或许在你们的星球上 性别隔离是对的
Maybe on your planet separation of the genders is the right thing to do,

但有一部分男性是作为同性恋出生在地球上的
But on Earth, a certain percentage of our males are born gay,

所以我的衣服才比你们所有人的衣服都好看
which is why my clothes are better than all of yours.

创造时尚的男人
A man made something fashionable?

这是事实 有时候事实是残酷的
It's true. And sometimes the truth hurts,

但它必须被接受 就好比我跟你说
but it must be accepted, like if I told you

你粉底的颜色选错了
that you're using the wrong color foundation for you skin

而且到脖子那儿就没了
and it ends at your neck,

你看着就跟派对小丑一样
making you look like a party clown.

好吧 我记住了
Okay, ouch. Noted.

但如果你们把格索尔帕索普星的法律强加在地球上
But the fact remains if you impose Gazorpazor's laws on Earth,

那你们比这个乱发出屁声的男人也好不到哪儿去
you're no better than the man whose farts shall remain unspoken.

如果你们觉得我的上衣很好看 那你们就不能处死我们
And if you think my top is cute, you cannot execute.

很好 给这些地球人一艘太空船
Very well. Give the Earth people a spacecraft

让他们回那个奇怪的星球去吧
so they may head back to their weird planet,

那里男女平等 但又不尽然
where women are kind of equal but not really.

干得好 Summer 谢谢了 妹子们
Good job, Summer. And thanks, girls.

我跟你说 你们这些妹子真是厉害啊
You know, you girls are really something, I'll tell you that.

我刚到这儿的时候
You know, when we first got here, I was like...

给他们艘飞船 快点
Give them a ship now.

小Morty 你在抽烟
Morty Jr.! Smoking?!

这样可不行
That is not okay!

你能干嘛 禁我足吗
What are you gonna do? Ground me?

反正我也不能出去
I can't go outside anyway!

那又怎么样 你可以在屋子里玩啊
So what?! You could do things inside!

你可以弹吉他啊 你可以手淫啊
You could play guitar. You could masturbate.

我不想手淫 我想征服地球
I don't want to masturbate. I want to conquer the planet!

又来了
Oh, here we go again!

如果你征服了地球 谁还会爱你呢 小Morty
Who do you think is gonna love you if you conquer the planet, Morty Jr.?!

爱 你就只关心爱
Love, that's all you care about!

那武器呢 统治敌人呢
What about weapons?! What about domination of the enemy?!

够了 不许再看历史频道了
All right, that's it. No more history channel!

这台电视只许用来看动画和玩电子游戏
This TV is for cartoons and video games only!

我讨厌电子游戏
I hate video games!

给我收回这句话 把遥控器给我
You take that back! Give it to me! Ugh!

我不是故意的
I-I-I didn't mean, I didn't mean that.

我真的不是故意的 对不起
I didn't mean to do that. I'm sorry.

我受不了了
I can't take this anymore!

我宁愿呼吸毒气也不愿意再和你多待一分钟
I'd rather breathe poison than live another minute with you!

不不不 不要
No! No, no, no! Stop!

我的人生就是一个谎言
My life has been a lie!

上帝已死
God is dead!

政府烂透了
The government's lame!

感恩节其实是屠杀印第安人的节日
Thanksgiving is about killing Indians!

耶稣不是出生在圣诞的
Jesus wasn't born on Christmas!

他们改了日期
They moved the date!

这是异教徒的节日
It was a pagan holiday!

爸
Oh, dad!

怎么了 Morty
Yes, Morty?

我儿子要占领地球 我却还不到开车的年龄
My son is gonna take over the planet, and I am too young to drive!

你能帮我把他找回来吗
Can you help me get him back?!

可以吧 Morty 应该可以吧
I suppose, Morty. I suppose.

不过呢 先让我从这"早告诉你了"的高杯中啜饮一口
But first, a deep sip from a very tall glass of "I told you so."

天啊 得了吧
Oh, my god! Please, dad! Come on!

废弃工厂

禁止入内

爸 他在那儿
Dad, there he is!

天啊 快住手
Oh, God. Hey, stop that!

天啊 天啊 爸
Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Dad!

小Morty 不要
Morty Jr., no!

是我啊 是爸爸 没事的
It's me! It's dad. It's okay!

把车放下 小Morty
Put the car down, Morty Jr.

不 不 小手在哪里
No! No! Wh-where's your hands?

小手在哪里
Where's your hands?

我的车
My car!

我们来玩挥挥手
And that's how we play handy hands

闪开 Morty
Out of the- out of the way, Morty!

不 - Morty 这是全宇宙最暴力的生物之一
No! - Morty, that's one of the most violently aggressive creatures in the universe!

他是我儿子
He's my son!

你想要伤害他 就先夸过我的尸体吧 Rick
And if you hurt him, you'll have to kill me, Rick!

爸 我好迷茫
Dad, I'm so confused!

我知道 小Morty 对不起
I know, Morty Jr. I'm sorry.

我最后还是像我父母对我那样 和你撒谎 对你大喊大叫了
I ended up lying to you and yelling at you just like my parents did to me.

父母也不过是有了小孩的孩子罢了
You know, parents are just kids having kids.

前一分钟 你还觉得那个闪闪的机器人很好看
One minute, you like how a shiny robot looks.

下一分钟 你就在和你的外星儿子肉搏了
The next minute, you're in a fist fight with your alien son.

我是外星人
I'm an alien?

我们都有糟糕的冲动 邪恶的念头
We all have bad impulses, bad thoughts.

我们只是要学会把它们传变成别的有用的东西
We just have to learn to channel them into something constructive.

但我想杀掉我看见的每一个人
But I want to murder everyone I see.

说不定就有一份工作适合有这样想法的人呢
Well, you know, I mean, maybe there's a job out there for people that feel that way.

的确是有的
Actually, there is.

嗨 我是Brad Aderson 全国连载的连环漫画《大丹麦狗马默杜克》的作者
Hi. I'm Brad Anderson, creator of the nationally syndicated comic strip "Marmaduke".

你应该考虑从事创作
You should consider being a creative.

我深受自己那些无法控制的念头的困扰
I'm haunted by uncontrollable thoughts of

我几乎每天脑海中萦绕着致残和性侵
mutilations and sexual assaults on a near daily basis.

但我把它们变为了我的作品
But, you know, I channel it all into my work.

哦 哇
Oh. Wow.

我看《大丹麦狗马默杜克》的时候从没发现这一点啊
Huh. I never got that impression from reading "Marmaduke".

难道你觉得我在想方设法地让你笑吗
Well, did you get the impression that I was trying to make you laugh?

不是吧 那是Brad Anderson
Tell me that wasn't Brad Anderson.

看见了吗 你听到了吧 小Morty
Aw, see? You hear that, Morty Jr.?

或许你也可以从事某种创作呢
Maybe you could try being a creative of some kind.

或许吧
Maybe!

我一直都挺想让自己的脸出现在某本小说的背面
I always have sort of wanted to see my face on the back of a novel.

虽然我真正想做的是割开别人的喉咙 但除了这个
I mean, what I really want to do is slit people's throats, but beyond that...

你一定可以的 儿子
I know you can do it, son.

我想我该找个地方自己住了
I think it's time I get a place of my own.

我保证 只要我缺钱或是没地方洗衣服了都会给你打电话的
I promise I'll call you every day I need money or a place to do
laundry.

我想你儿子会拿他小说的稿费赔我的车后轴的吧
So, I assume this novel your son writes is gonna pay for my rear axle?

挺有趣的吧 Summer 我们做了这么多事
Isn't it interesting, Summer, that after all that stuff we just did,

都没起什么作用 没有什么意义
nothing really mattered and there was no point to it?

是不是让你什么都没有思考
Kind of makes you wonder, huh, about nothing?

你确定你不会重新考虑下
Are you sure it doesn't make you re-evaluate your policy

你不带女孩子去冒险这件事
about taking girls on adventures?

不 鉴于我们今天的经历
No. I'd say, given what we've been through,

我只想说我一直都是对的
that I was right the whole time

任何关于性别政策的感悟
and any epiphanies about gender politics

都只是你身为女性的不安全感的表现而已
were a projection of your feminine insecurity.

不过你把这艘粉色太空船拿去吧
But, hey, why don't you have a pink spaceship?

开着它到处转转 好好玩玩
Go ride around and have a jolly old time.

这样说不定你就会闭嘴了
Maybe that'll shut you up.

爸 Summer 这么长时间你们跑哪儿去了
Dad? Summer? Where were you guys this whole time?

在格索尔帕索普星 你呢
On Gazorpazorp. Where were you?

我在看报纸
I was reading a newspaper.

真有意思 Beth
Oh, that's interesting, Beth.

好玩的是
You know, it's funny.

我也听说了点儿新闻
I-I-I heard about a little bit of news myself.

看着 听着
Take a look. T-take a listen.

Wubba lubba dub dubs
Wubba lubba dub dubs!

这个世界还是有机会的
This, this world still got a- It's still got a chance!

没错 哈哈
Yeah! Ha ha!

下周见
See you- see you guys next week!

大家下周见
See everybody next week.

今天我们请到了小Mortimer Smith 纽约时报最畅销的作者
A word with Mortimer Smith, Jr., New York Times best-selling author,

您的书写到了纯洁及其定义
your book is about innocence, the definition of it,

当然 不可避免地 谈到了它的不可实现
and inevitably its impossibility.

这本书是自传性质的吗
Is it autobiographical?

当然 在我看来 所有的写作都是
Certainly. I mean, all writing is, in my opinion.

我父亲一直把我锁在房子里 直到我成长为一个青少年
But my, uh, my father kept me locked in the house until I was a teenager,

有过暴力 有过毒气的威胁 但也有舞蹈
and there was violence and, uh, threats of poison gas, but also dancing.

但你撑住了 并用你的苦难完成了这部杰作
But you persevered and created this masterpiece from your sufferings.

小Smith令人震惊的小说《我可怕的父亲》正风靡全国 直指人心
Smith Jr.'s mind-bending novel, "My Horrible Father" in every store and on everyone's mind.

快去买吧 我们马上回来
Pick it up. We'll be right back.

为人父母本来就是吃力不讨好 Morty
It's a thankless job, Morty.

你已经尽力了
You did the best you could.

我只希望他吃得好
I hope he's eating enough.

S5

E1 Mort Dinner Rick Andre

Big man comin for dinner, broh. Better check the booze.

撑着点 瑞克 已经快到了
C'mon, Rick. We're -- We're almost there.

别管我 莫蒂 这是唯一的方法
Ugh, leave me, Morty. It's the only way.

什么
Wha-- Were -- Wha-- Were we --

我们是刀锋战士吗
Were we Blades in that one?

真他妈的酷
That's fucking tight.

撑着点
Just stay with me.

我好怕 莫蒂
I'm -- I'm scared, Morty.

我能看到终点了
I can see the end.

我太傻了
I'm a silly man.

很抱歉把你扯进来
I'm -- I'm sorry I got you into this.

让我来解决这个问题吧
and how about I get us outta this?

喂
Hello?

杰西卡
Hey, Jessica.

我是跟你同校的莫蒂
I-It's Morty. From school.

莫蒂 你好吗
Oh, hey, Morty. What's up?

我只是想说 你很棒
Um, I just want to say that you're really great.

我知道我们每次都抓不好时机
I know the timing never really worked out with us,

但你真的很棒 我好想更了解你
but you're really great and I wish I got to know you better.

还真是突然
Oh, I mean -- That's a lot.

对 抱歉 我只是
Oh, uh, yeah, sorry, I guess I just

不 你该早点说的
No, I just wish you said it sooner.

什么
Wh-What?

对 紧张有时候其实很自私
Yeah, I mean, being nervous is sort of selfish sometimes, y'know?

维生系统故障
Life support systems failing.

对 有道理
Yeah, that's a great point.

你今晚有事吗
Well, what are you doing tonight?

今晚
Tonight?

对
Yeah

想不想一起看电影之类的
Do you, like, want to watch a movie or something?

好 今晚 没问题
Um, yeah. Tonight. Sounds great.

糟了
Holy shit. Holy shit.

拜托 拜托
Come on, come on!

这是哪里
Where are we?

到家了 瑞克
We're home, Rick.

我降落在了海上
I-I landed us in the ocean.

海 地球上的海
The ocean?! The ocean on Earth?!

对 应该是
Uh, yeah, I-I guess so.

该死
Oh, shit.

完蛋了 我们得离开
Holy shit. We have to go.

他妈的马上离开
We have to go right fucking now.

什么
What?

你碰到海了
You touched the ocean, Morty.

为什么不能
What's the big

该死
Oh, fuck. Shit.

怎么了
What?

该死
Shit.

理查德 你亵渎了
Richard! You have desecrated the sacred treaty

• sacred [ˈseɪkrɪd] 神圣的；宗教的；庄严的

海陆神圣条约
betwixt land and sea.

现在准备承受劲敌宁波先生的怒火吧
Now face the wrath of your once and eternal foe -- Mr. Nimbus!

• wrath [ræθ] 愤怒；激怒
• eternal [ɪˈtɜːrnl] 永恒的；不朽的
• foe [foʊ] 敌人；反对者；危害物

抱歉 他是谁
Sorry. Who is that?

我的劲敌
My nemesis.

• nemesis [ˈneməsɪs] 天敌

什么
What?

我的劲敌 好吗
My fucking nemesis, okay?

好 但他叫什么
Okay, but what was his name again?

我是宁波先生
I am Mr. Nimbus!

他会一直讲
He's gonna say that a lot.

等等 到底是谁要来
W-Wait, so who is coming over again?

他说是他的劲敌
He said his nemesis?

瑞克有劲敌吗
Rick has a nemesis?

好像是
I guess.

他提过那个人吗
Has hementioned him before?

我才要问你吧 我都没听说过
I-I was gonna ask you. First I'm hearing it.

他是谁 魔术师吗
Who is he? Like a magic guy?

瑞克是科学家 他是魔术师
Rick's science and he's magic?

他应该算鱼
He's like a-a fish?

一条鱼
A fish.

他不是鱼
He's not a fish.

他是宁波先生 他是海王兼混蛋
He's Mr. Nimbus. He's king of the ocean and he's a piece of shit.

你满意了吗 莫蒂
Are you happy, Morty?

碰到海开心吗
Are you happy you touched the ocean?

他随时都会到
He's gonna be here any minute.

来帮我做准备
Just help me smooth this over

否则他一定会造成更多麻烦
or this guy's gonna become more trouble than he's worth.

我今晚无法帮你太多 瑞克
Um, hey, I don't know how much I can help out tonight, Rick.

杰西卡要来跟我
Jessica's coming over j-just to, like,

一起看电影
watch a movie or something,

但这是很棒的一步
but y'know, t-t-that's a good step.

或许会有好的发展也说不定
That's a solid step to something, y'know?

真的没人在乎你下面 莫蒂
Truly nobody cares about your dick, Morty.

你越快面对现实越好
The sooner you learn that, the better.

你不想我得到幸福
I think you just don't want me happy

想要继续使唤我
'cause then I'll stop doing your crazy chores.

• chore [tʃɔːr] 家庭杂务；日常的零星事务；讨厌的或累人的工作

相信我 你搞出那场海洋闹剧
Trust me, after that ocean fuck-up,

你别想多做任何事
you don't get to do anything crazy.

我一边假装
While I bullshit my way

和宁波谈和平条约时
through this peace summit treaty with Nimbus,

夏茉会潜入马里亚纳海沟
Summer is gonna dive into the Marianas Trench

地球上环境最恶劣的区域之一

寻找赋予他力量的
to recover the forbidden shell

神奇贝壳
that gives him his power

因为夏茉值得信任
because Summer can be trusted.

我们来甜蜜蜜
Let's lick ass.

这是个谐音

好 什么 -我不喜欢
Okay, what? -I don't love that.

那是自然
Of course you don't,

因为你们没有性生活
'cause you guys aren't getting any.

其实我们最近
Actually, your father and I

非常性积极
have been very sex-positive lately.

王医师建议我们多多尝试
Dr. Wong suggested we experiment.

我们最近会一起看小电影
We've been watching pornography. Together.

• pornography [pɔːrˈnɑːɡrəfi] 色情作品

恶熏 -我不想从海里回来了
Gross! I might never come back from the ocean.

你得低调点 我的宝
Oh, you'll have to tone it down, babe.

这些凡人承受不了
The squares can't handle it.

• He's a bit of a square. 他有点儿古板。

你们的牙齿里都有自杀胶囊
There are suicide capsules in all of your teeth.

可以用一下
Do what you want with that.

莫蒂 你负责处理酒
C'mon, Morty. You're on booze duty.

好了 宁波只喝高级货
Okay, Nimbus only drinks the good shit.

所以把这酒丢进去
So just toss this whale-ass ocean-wine in here

放个几世纪
and age it up a few centuries.

在里面时间比较快吗
So time moves faster in there?

像纳尼亚一样吗
I-I-Is it like a Narnia thing?

《纳尼亚传奇》中的地名

我不是信上帝的海狸 莫蒂
I'm not a beaver who believes in Jesus Christ, Morty.

《纳尼亚传奇》

但确实就像纳尼亚那样
But yeah, it's pretty much a Narnia thing.

-好吧 但杰西卡 -你只负责端酒
-Okay, but Jessica -All you have to do is bring wine, Morty.

-我拜托过你什么吗 -你
-When do I ask you for anything? -When do you --

我好几年没完整上过一周课了
I haven't been to a full week of school in years!

我什么都不会 这是为了什么
I don't know shit! And for what?

你到底有多少敌人
How many enemies do you have to have?

为什么老喜欢起冲突
Why is everything a fight with you?

你要早点看清
You might want to learn this early, Morty.

-人生充满了冲突 -跟宁波先生吗
-Life is a fight. -With Mr. Nimbus?

你在笑我吗
Are you makin' fun of me?

宁波先生是冷血下体杀手 莫蒂
Mr. Nimbus is an ice-cold dick killer, Morty.

我们走 那是他的魔法海洋号角
Okay, let's go. That's his magic ocean horn.

他是宁波先生吗
Is that Mr. Nimbus?

-宁波 -理查德
-Nimbus. -Richard.

你脸色真差
You look like ass.

速战速决吧
Let's get this over with.

抱歉 就是他吗
I'm sorry. This is the guy?

-杰瑞 -等等 不
-Jerry. -Hold on. No.

你是上过星球的人
I've seen you fuck a planet,

竟然怕他
and this is the guy you're afraid of?

我喜欢这个 瑞克
I like this one, Rick.

他很健全且狂野
He is unbroken. Untamed.

或许我们应该把牵绳拉紧一点
Perhaps he could use a firmer grip upon his leash.

好 够了 我要报警了
Okay, that's enough. I'm calling the police.

-没问题 -杰瑞
-Go ahead. -Jerry.

-我真的会 -我能控制警察
-I will! Good. -I control them.

-什么 -能控制警察 杰瑞
-Excuse me? -He controls police, Jerry.

对 我如果会相信就太蠢了
Right, that tracks. In Dumb World.

警察
Police?

有个淫荡海男在我家门口
A strange horny ocean man is on my lawn.

这应该不重要
Well, I don't see how that's relevant,

但我们是白人
but we're white.

不许动 不许动
Freeze! Freeze! Freeze! Freeze!

打架
Fight.

做爱
Fuck.

离开 我们走
Flee. Let's get outta here.

-来吧 理查德 -他怎么
-Shall we, Richard? -Okay, but how did he --

天啊 杰瑞 他是宁波先生 他能控制警察
Jesus Christ, Jerry. He's Mr. Nimbus. He controls the police!

你们好 我有走错地方吗
Um, hello? Am I in the right place?

我刚刚看到一群警察在做爱
I just saw a bunch of cops having sex with each other?

杰西卡 你好
Hi! Jessica! Hi!

对 你没走错地方
Yeah, yup, y-you're in the right spot.

各位 这位是杰西卡
Uh, everyone, th-this is Jessica.

他们是我家人 这位是
This is everybody. Uh, this is --

我是宁波先生
I am Mr. Nimbus.

宁波 进来
Jesus, Nimbus, just get inside.

莫蒂 去拿酒
Morty, grab the wine.

好 等一下 进来吧 杰西卡
Yeah, in a minute. C-C'mon, Jessica.

让开
Stand aside.

除非你们配得上宁波
Unless you are worthy of Nimbus.

如果你指的是那个意思
If that means what I think it means,

我可以告诉你 我们会一起看片
I'll have you know, we watch porn together.

天啊 宁波先生对你们点头了
Wow, okay! Looks like you guys just got the nod.

点头
The nod?

宁波先生直觉很准
Mr. Nimbus has a sense for these things.

你们应该是性积极的夫妇吧
I take it you're a sex-positive couple?

对 非常积极
Oh, yeah. Very much so.

我们会一起看片
We watch porn together. Great!

很好 那我就帮你们登记三人行
I'll mark you down as eligible for a threeway.

这是相关资料
Here's all the information you'll need.

海王想跟我们三人行
The king of the ocean wants to have a threesome with us?

你们可以选择
Totally optional.

不过机会难得 我保证 我很嫉妒你们
But a remarkable option to have, I assure you. Very jealous.

最后一页有表单
There's a form on the last page

请填写收礼物篮的地址
so we know where to send the gift basket.

竟然有这种事
So that just happened.

你好像不排斥
You don't sound upset about it.

你也是
Neither do you.

天啊 我们真的遇到这种事
Oh, my God. Is this happening? To us?

我以为这种事只会在纽约或HBO上发生
I thought this only happened in New York or on HBO.

王医师一向都是对的
Dr. Wong hasn't been wrong yet.

没错
You're right.

这就是她想要我们做的事
This is exactly what she was talking about.

你可以当自己家
So, uh, yeah. J-Just make yourself comfortable.

选一部电影或是一起看
Y'know, ch-choose a movie or -- or we can watch

跨维度有线电视
some interdimensional cable if you want.

请继续收看任天堂69
We now return to "Nintendo 69."

任天堂 你在干嘛
Nintendo, oh, what are you doing to me?

任天堂
Oh, Nintendo, oh, Nin--

我们也可以看
Or we can watch whatever, y'know.

你想看的东西
Wh-Whatever you're into.

莫蒂 你是不是要负责拿酒
Morty, did I hear you're getting wine?

对 我得端酒给宁波先生
Yeah, I gotta get some wine for Mr. Nimbus.

有多的吗
Got any extra?

当然
Oh. Uh, yeah.

我可以拿来给你喝
Yeah, yeah, I'll go get some, just for you.

太好了 快点回来
Cool. Hurry back.

看来你好像需要帮忙
Looks like you could use a hand.

对 太好了
Oh, hey! Yeah, th-th-that'd be great.

-没问题 -小蹄 吃晚餐了
-No problem. Hoovy? -Dinner's ready!

我马上回来 宝贝
Be right there, sugar hoof!

我先帮年轻人把这些
Just helping this young man through a portal

放了好几十年的酒
with that crate full of alcohol

给搬过去
that's been here for decades.

谢了 小蹄 谢谢你的帮忙
Hey, thanks, Hoovy. I-I really appreciate that.

有个女生来我家 我很喜欢她
I-I got a girl over, and I really, really like her.

-我只是很紧张 -我懂
-I-I'm just nervous. -Oh, I know that feeling.

我刚开始跟波娃交往时
When I first started seeing Bova,

我满脑子都担心自己会搞砸
I could only think about all the ways I was gonna mess it up.

-后来怎么办的 -我搞砸了
-So what'd you do? -Oh, I messed it up.

但我找到了能接纳我这点的人
But I found the one who loves me for that.

谢谢 我需要你的鼓励
Thanks. I-I really needed to hear that.

-来 拿一瓶走吧 -不用了
-Here, -t-take one of these. -Oh, you don't have to.

不 我坚持 祝你有美好的一天 小蹄
No, I-I want to. You have a good day, Hoovy.

祝你跟那个女生玩得开心
You have a great time with that lady up there.

-放轻松 -没问题
-Just relax. -Will do!

波娃
Bova?

你为什么离开我们 爸爸
Why did you leave us, Father?

贾费 你什么时候出生的
Japheth? When were you born?

我向妈妈发过誓 只要遇到你
I swore to Mother if I ever met you,

就会为她复仇
I'd avenge her.

不是我的错
It wasn't my fault.

那是谁的错 是谁
Whose, then? Whose?!

从魔法门来的那个小男孩
The boy from the magic door.

我们来讨论条约内容 好吗
Shall we discuss terms?

好 没问题 内容如下
Yeah, fine. Whatever. Terms.

第一条 我是海王
Term number one -- I am King of the Ocean.

我拉屎的地方 继续
The place I shit? Go ahead.

第二条 别在海里拉屎
Term number two -- Stop shitting in the ocean.

我听不懂
No idea what you're talking about.

真好喝 再来一瓶
Delicious. Another.

我其实想拿这瓶
Oh, uh, well, I-I was thinking of using this one for --

莫蒂 快给他 天啊
Morty, just give him the bottle. God damn.

再来
Another!

莫蒂 拿到酒了吗
Morty, you get the wine?

杰西卡 抱歉
Hey, Jessica. Um, yeah, sorry.

我正要回去拿
I just -- just going back to get it.

你不是刚去了
Oh. I thought you already went.

对 但我有点事
I did! I just -- just got a little busy.

我现在再去一次
Going right now, again!

你先准备电影
You go ahead and fire up that movie!

没关系 我等你回来
That's okay. I'll wait for you.

天啊...
Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit!

我等你好久了
I've been waiting for you.

天啊 你是小蹄 对吧
Oh, wow. Hoovy, right?

别说他的名字
Never say his name!

天啊
Jesus Christ!

为什么每个老人都这么壮
Why -- Why is every old guy super jacked?

抱歉
Sorry! I'm sorry!

我只是要拿酒 抱歉 住手
I-I just need the wine! I'm sorry! Stop it!

我要杀了你
Fucking kill you!

好吧 算了
Ow! Okay, screw this!

知道吗
You know what?

-是你 -对 去死吧小蹄
-You! -Yeah, fuck you, Hoovy!

爸爸
Father?

就是他 我就说他会再来 天啊
It's him! I told you he'd come back! Holy shit.

好 但他十秒钟前还没这么老
Okay, look, he wasn't old like 10 seconds ago.

你这个混蛋
Ow! Mother fucker!

对不起 爸爸 我们应该相信你的
I'm sorry, Father. I'm sorry we never believed.

他会回来的
He'll come back.

阻止他
Stop him.

爸爸 我们干嘛守门
Papa, why do we guard the gate?

因为黑暗之子总有一天会再来
Because one day, the dark child shall return.

而我们会做好准备
And we will be ready.

好吃
Delicious.

负责端酒的人呢 我好渴
Where is your wine boy, Richard? I thirst.

他去拿了 别这样吃贝奈特饼
He's getting it. Stop eating beignets like that.

一种法式无孔甜甜圈

"参与者若因高潮而死"
Participant voids all liability

"不得求偿"
in the event of death by orgasm?

我们真的要这样做吗
Are we really ready to open things this wide?

如果变得尴尬呢
What if it gets weird?

如果我爱上他呢
I fall in love with him?

不 该死
No, no, no, no, no. Damn it!

怎么回事
What was that?

你又在搞鬼吗 理查德
Another scheme of yours, Richard?

我知道你有阴谋
I know you're planning something.

没什么 失陪一下 好吗
It's nothing. Will you excuse me, please?

搞什么鬼 酒在哪里
What the fuck is going on? Where's the wine?

爸爸刚刚在发春 害我摔破了
Dad was horny and I dropped it.

真不敢相信你竟然搞砸了
God, I can't -- I can't believe you're fucking this up.

我没搞砸 刚刚有个人
I'm not fucking it up! There was a guy in the thing and --

你每次都一堆借口
There's always a guy in a thing!

让宁波等太久可是会没命的
Land dwellers do not keep Nimbus waiting and live.

我马上过去 该死
Be right out! Goddammit.

你把我搞得像在演《欢乐一家亲》
Do you see this whisper kitchen "Frasier" bullshit

美国喜剧

懂吗 莫蒂 快去拿酒
you're making me do? Morty, just get the wine.

贝丝和杰瑞 别想跟宁波做爱
Beth and Jerry, stop trying to fuck Nimbus.

-是他提议的 -不会是在这里
-Well, we wouldn't do it here. -I'll have you know he propositioned us.

他对任何人都这样提议
He propositions everybody!

杰西卡
Hey, hey, hey, Jessica.

-怎么了 -你好像很忙
-W-What's up? Seems like you're busy.

不 我只是有状况
No, no, no! I ran into a little trouble.

但我马上就要去拿酒来了
But -- But -- But I'll go get that wine right now.

但你已经这样说过两次了吧
But you said were going to get it like twice already.

没错 我现在真的要去拿了
I-I-I was and I-I'm getting it right now.

天啊 是他
Holy shit, it's him!

真是的 你们要我怎样
God damn it! What do you want me to say?!

对不起
I-I'm sorry!

我们总算打败他了
We finally beat him.

但我们要保持警觉
But let's always remain vigilant

世事难料
because you never know.

他或许还会再来
He might be back one day.

好 纳尼亚 来吧
Okay, Narnia! Let's go.

放马过来
Let's fucking go!

结束了 那男孩不会再来了
It is over. The boy is not coming back.

他一定会的
He always comes back.

你害我们赔上了人生
You have wasted our lives,

还有未来 只为了一个虚构故事
our very futures, on a fantasy!

-一个谎言 -我确实看到了
-A lie! -I know what I saw.

你什么都没看到
You saw nothing!

蠢孩子
You are a foolish boy!

勇于看见
Those called fools

真相的人才会被骂蠢
are the only ones brave enough to see the truth.

告诉我 父亲
Tell me, Father.

我还很蠢吗
Am I a fool now?

我出生于这些石块的制造地
I was born in the pits that made these stones.

我花很久时间建造这座谎言圣殿
I lost my years building a temple to a lie.

所以我就把说谎当成我的能力
So I made lies my power.

能力其实就是我们...
And what is power but a lie we --

天啊 是真的...
Oh, shit, he's real!

他是真的 我错了
He's real! I was wrong!

我搞错了 大错特错 神是...
I was so wrong! God is real!

服务真棒 我会给
Wow. Impeccable service.

-很多小费 -我比较喜欢另一个
-Big tip. -I liked your other one more.

他叫什么 凯尔吗
What was his name? Kyle?

-什么 -没事
-What? -Nothing.

我们可以快点签约吗
Can we just sign this thing and go?

-杰西卡 真抱歉 -没关系
-Jessica, -I-I'm so sorry. -I mean, it's fine.

你才离开几分钟而已
You were only gone like a couple minutes.

莫蒂 你还好吗
Morty, are you okay?

抱歉 杰西卡
I'm -- I'm sorry, Jessica.

我们每次都搞砸 对吧
We just never seem to get it right, do we?

是啊 的确如此
No, I guess we don't.

但我很高兴你打电话给我
But I'm glad you called me.

我们可以重来 这次别再搞砸了
Maybe we can start over, get it right this time.

好 我也想这样
Yeah. I'd -- I'd like that.

谢谢你拿酒来
Thanks for bringing the wine.

非常值得
Totally worth it.

需要开瓶器吗
Do we need an opener?